A Very Forbidden Challenge
by FSoG Fanfic Obsessed
Summary: 11 one-shots, written by 11 different FF authors, all about forbidden love! OOC/AU *We do not own Fifty Shades of Grey*
1. Information

.

 **Forbidden Love Challenge**

 ** _This is not a fluffy contest! This is a drama filled, lust filled, adultery filled, very forbidden/taboo contest._**  
 ** _If you have a problem with that, don't bother going forward.  
And if you leave a nasty guest review, it will be deleted and the author will never get your message. Just sayin'  
So don't waste your time, but if you do, that's up to you.  
_**

 _ **Just like the previous contests, all will be one-shots written by different FF authors.**_

 ** _Since this is a forbidden love challenge, the main characters must experience some type of forbidden romance  
(it doesn't have to be CG/Ana, it can be other parings) _**  
**_Examples; affairs/cheating, teacher/student, much older/much younger, rich/poor, popular/nerdy,  
society doesn't approve, parents don't approve, adopted/step-siblings, _**  
**_etc. etc. etc._**  
 ** _Whatever the writer decides._**  
 ** _Any kind of forbidden love that they can come up with.  
_**  
 ** _They aren't supposed to be together, for whatever reason, but are..._**  
 ** _Forbidden!_**

 ** _Due to the nature of this contest, writer pennames will remain anonymous unless the writer is okay going public on FF.  
All writers will be revealed in the group FSoG Fanfic Obsessed on Facebook  
(this is a private group; where members voted for this topic)_**

 _ ***Special shout out to all the betas used who will remain anonymous*  
*No one is claiming ownership of FSoG*  
**_

 _ **Remember, most reviews wins!  
**_ _ **(yes, you can review more than one entry)  
**_

 _ **PLEASE DO NOT GUESS WHO THE WRITERS ARE IN YOUR REVEIWS!**_

 **Happy Reading & Reviewing!  
Enjoy!**


	2. Entry 1

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 **Anarchy**

 ** _Christian/Ana  
Forbidden Love: _****_Doctor/Patient_**

* * *

I was an idiot, a fuck up. I always have been and always will be. Granted, I'm a well-educated fuck up, but strip away the doctorate in clinical psychology, prestigious family name, and face that ensures every woman who steps within a five-foot radius of me turns into a puddle of goo, all that's left is an asshole who lacks impulse control and basic common sense.

The technical diagnosis for people like me is antisocial personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies. In laymen's terms, I was wired wrong. I've never been officially treated, but I'm a professional. I know the signs.

Every morning I pulled on one of my chunky cable knit sweaters and a pair of sensible brown loafers, and spent my day helping other crazy people deal with the bullshit that ate away at their brains. It was exhausting, pretending to care about their problems. I looked the part, but there was a dragon hiding just beneath my skin.

Conjuring false sympathy and compassion for people who I would be more than okay with never seeing again made the dragon restless, and when he got restless, he turned vicious.

For the sake of maintaining the outward professionalism my day job demanded, I spent my nights wading through pools of my own vices. Chief among them, alcohol, prescription pills, and pussy.

My routine, Dr. Christian Grey by day and utter maniac at night, was working. I was good at pretending. I was good at helping people, and my darker proclivities never interfered with my real life. All that changed about two months ago when a brown haired, blue eyed demon from my past checked herself into the facility where I worked for a three month stint to treat depression and sex addiction.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, there are measures in place to prevent this sort of thing from happening. Treating a patient that I once spent a weekend locked in an Aspen hotel room with, fucking every available orifice on her body, had to be a conflict of interest, right? You better fucking believe it was, and yes, there was a protocol for that sort of thing, but those rules only apply if you report the relationship to your supervisor. Otherwise, no one would know that you snorted coke off said psycho's ass.

In hindsight, I should have known this would end in chaos, but I'm a narcissist, remember? I thought I could handle it. I thought hey, I'm a highly-qualified psychiatrist, and this girl is so fucked up I would be doing her a disservice by not treating her. She needed me, and who was I to deny her needs? Also, we spent one weekend, three years ago, in a coke induced fog. I was flying so high I could touch the stars and Anastasia, she was on another galaxy.

There was no way she would recognize me. So much had happened since then, I wasn't even the same man. Or so I thought. The thing about us narcissists that even I sometimes forget is our heads are usually so far up our own asses, we couldn't see the shit even as we waded through it.

Yeah, I was an idiot. She knew exactly who I was from the first time she walked into my office. Her hungry gaze locked onto mine and a slow smile crept across her face. Her pupils dilated, turning her pale blue eyes into black saucers. My dick reacted before my brain had a chance, the dragon was rearing his ugly head. I was instantly turned on, so much that I had to hide the bulge tenting my slacks with the _Times_ sports section as I stood to greet her.

"Dr. Grey," she purred, eyeing the conspicuous placement of the newspaper. I could taste her arousal in the air. If she really had come to Meadowbrook for help, that notion went out the window the moment she spotted me. I don't know who she pissed off in a past life, or what cursed spirit send her into my clinic and straight to my office, but what I lacked in morality, I made up for in ego.

I should have rectified the situation immediately, but I couldn't see past the dragon to her wellbeing. There was no right or wrong, or up or down. I couldn't see anything other than the vision of my cock sliding in and out of her wet slit. I couldn't hear the rational side of my brain screaming at me to send her away. There were only the sounds of her garbled moans as I fucked her face.

"Ms. Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you," I said angling my head slightly towards the camera sitting in the corner of my office. Per center guidelines, every session with every patient was recorded. It was to protect them as well as enable us to better serve them. The feed went to Meadowbrook's servers where we could access them later if needed. It's also monitored by the clinic director, for quality control. I didn't know how often the footage was monitored, I only hoped Anastasia was cognizant enough to pick up on my hint.

She nodded imperceptibly, as understanding washed across her face. She took a seat on the brown suede couch and we began. We spent that first meeting talking about the things she'd hoped to accomplish during her time at Meadowbrook, about how she previously coped with her disorder, and where she saw herself after her treatment was complete.

She answered every question perfectly, too perfectly. Like she'd read every book on the subject and memorized the right things to say. I didn't bother calling her out though, she was keeping my secret, so I'd keep hers.

It was a standard visit and Anastasia was a smart woman. Crazy as fuck, but smart nonetheless. A _New York Times_ bestselling author, who wrote self-help books for women all about accepting their sexuality and embracing their inner slut.

Ironic, huh. The queen slut was seeking help for being the thing that made her millions.

After that first session, I thought, maybe this could work. Maybe I could get through this without losing my license, but again, I am insane.

The second time she came to my office, she wore a powder blue sundress that matched her eyes. When she sat on the brown suede couch in front of me with her legs spread wide, I was treated to a front row view of her freshly shaven pussy. It was dripping wet, and swollen, like she'd just finished fingering herself. I could smell her need, he could smell it too, the dragon, and he wanted another taste.

After she bullshitted her way through her second session, we fucked in the southeast stairwell. When we were done, I left her there, quivering with my semen dripping down her thigh, and I drove home.

For all the money Meadowbrook charges to make patients "healthy", you'd think they'd invest a little more in security. In all, there are about ten blind spots throughout the facility and another four on the grounds. Places where the cameras either don't work or they're angled in such a way that if you are familiar enough, say one of the resident psychiatrists, getting around unnoticed was easy.

After our third session, she blew me in the third-floor broom closet. After our ninth, I sodomized her. Before you judge me, she begged me to do it. Still, I knew the ramifications if we got caught. She was a patient in my care and couldn't legally consent, and I was the idiot who was throwing away a lifetime of schooling, among other things, because I couldn't keep my dick out of the little nympho.

 _._

"Dr. Grey, Anastasia is here to see you," Andrea, my assistant, said. I could hear her scowling over the intercom. I hated Andrea, and the feeling was mutual. Of everyone at Meadowbrook, she was the only person who saw the real me. She saw past the Dr. Grey persona I wore like a suit of armor, right through to the dragon that hid just beneath my skin. Having her around was inconvenient.

"Send her in," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I may be insane and I may have an undiagnosed personality disorder, but even I knew when to say uncle.

The door swung open forcefully and Anastasia stomped into my office with murder in her eyes. "Dr. Grey," she purred as usual, only that time her tone was less sexual and more sinister.

"Have a seat Ms. Steele," I said, pointing to the couch. I wanted to strangle her. She caused a scene in the cafeteria, attacked a female member of the staff and threw grape juice all over my white Versace sweater.

"Yes, sir," she said demurely, biting down on her lip. The little bitch was taunting me, daring me to come out and play. One thing you should know about me is that I never back down from a challenge. Dr. Grey had left the building, leaving the snarling beast behind. That was just one of the many mistakes I'd made. Dr. Grey, though unkind was rational. The dragon was not.

"Do you know why you're here?" I asked as she sat on the couch. I remained standing, the toes of my loafers touching her flats. My six-two body towering over her five-foot-three frame.

She shrugged innocently as her eyes roamed my office. It was dark, like the inside of my brain. A large cherry wood desk sat in the center and brown suede furniture was dotted through the room. The only color in the entire space was the large green fern that sat in the corner of the room. My mother said it gave the space life. It's only still living because Andrea tends to it.

"You've got a thing for blondes," she said, sneering at one of the photographs sitting on my desk.

I followed her gaze to see her eyes landed on a picture of me at graduation with my arm wrapped around a petite blonde. "My sister," I grunted quickly before changing the subject to something a little less personal. "I believe I asked you a question." I was still standing inches away from her body, and she was still sitting there like a sane person who couldn't comprehend my ire.

Ignoring me, her eyes continued to roam the room, taking in my bachelors from Duke, as well as my masters and doctorate from Cornell. "You're a highly-educated man," she said darkly. "Why don't you tell me?"

"Anastasia," I warned. "Why did you hit Dr. Kavanagh across the face with a lunch tray?"

"Because she's a slut who can't seem to keep her hands off you," she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

I knew why she hit the bitch and in truth, I was getting a little annoyed with her constant petting and blatant disrespect, but Anastasia flying into a jealous rage over something so minor was unacceptable. Discretion was paramount for our little arrangement to work.

"That's a little hypocritical coming from _you_ don't you think?" I asked in the most condescending tone I could muster.

She sat up straighter, the anger rolling off her body in waves. It took a moment before she composed herself enough to speak, oh but did she ever. The anger morphed into something akin to spite. How does the saying go, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"If I'm such a slut, then why even bother with me? Why risk your job to fuck me every chance you get?"

I smirked in amazed disbelief. She knew full well what she just did, what the consequences of her words could be, but the woman had balls. She was looking for a reaction, but I refused to give her the satisfaction. I didn't care, to be honest. I was amused and more than a little turned on by her attempt at verbal homicide.

"Because you take a dick like you were made for it. You're like a blow-up doll with temperature control."

"That's the only reason?" She asked looking up at me, her eyes narrow.

And because I'm an asshole I said, "yup."

"Well then if you're looking for someone a little more sentient than a blow-up doll with a warm cunt, maybe Dr. Kavanagh is the woman for you after all," she growled, her innocent façade cracked and the psycho bitch hiding behind that sweet little face shined through.

That was the fundamental difference between me and Anastasia. I felt nothing and she felt everything. "Maybe she is," I yawn, bored of our little back and forth.

"And maybe I'll request a transfer to Dr. Hyde."

The blood in my veins boiled as I stared at her, my jaw more ridged than my cock. This woman, sitting there, batting her too long lashes at me as if she were a fucking saint, had evoked my first emotional reaction in my thirty plus years on this planet. Jealousy and rage coursed through me like a current.

How do people live like that? If I had to deal with those feelings on a day to day basis, I'd be on death row. The only thing that kept me from going and strangling Hyde right then and there was the poorly concealed delight shining in her ice blue eyes. She thought she had won. She was wrong. I was going to fuck the smug smile right off her face.

"It's cute," I said, bending down, forcing her back onto the couch. "You think you're in control here. That you've somehow managed to take the upper hand, and now what, you're putting me in my place?" _Tsk tsk_. I clicked my tongue disapprovingly. My hand fisted into her long hair, and I yanked her head back roughly, licking her from the base of her neck and up her jaw, before whispering in her ear, "I run this center and I've got friends everywhere. That," I said pointing to camera the in corner, "is down for repair for the next three hours. I think that's enough time to teach you some manners, don't you?"

She gulped, her chest heaving up and down, her heart thumping wildly. "They'll notice I'm gone."

"They know you're here," I sneered. "You assaulted a member of the staff. Protocol dictates that you should be removed from our facility, but I convinced them to let me try to get through to you. _Give me a couple of hours, I'll talk to her, we can't just give up on her, she needs us."_ I said, reciting the same words I used on the center director. The good thing about being a sociopath, is that you get really good at acting.

"What…what are you going to do to me?" she asked, panting. Her legs parted. The movement was slight, but it didn't escape my hungry gaze. She wanted it, under her anger and jealousy, she was starved, hungry for my cock, thirsty for my cum.

"Unbutton my pants, and take my dick out," I demanded, low and menacing. I was still pissed about the Hyde thing and annoyed by her temper tantrum in the lunch room. Fucking her in my office wasn't smart. Andrea was just outside the door and Anastasia was a screamer, but, she was also a squirter, so I took my chances.

In what seemed like one quick motion, she pulled down my pants, and the boxers beneath them and wrapped her slender fingers around my shaft. Looking up at me coolly she asked, "do you think Dr. Kavanagh sucks dick as well as I do?"

"I wouldn't know."

"You mean she hasn't gotten on her knees for you?" She flicked her tongue across the tip of my penis causing my hips to jerk towards her face. It was all I could do not to shove my cock down her throat until she choked. She liked to get it as rough as I liked to give it.

"I haven't fucked or sucked her or anyone else for the last two months," I admitted. I wanted to lie. I told myself I didn't because she had my dick in her hands, but I'm not so sure. I think it was more than that. It's why I got so pissed when she brought up Hyde's name. It's also why I felt a twinge of pride when she cracked the lunch tray across Kavanagh's skull.

"What about kissing?"

"You're supposed to be sucking," I reminded her.

"Is this mine?" she asked longingly, stroking her hand up and down my length. It was a question, but there was an edge to her voice. It sounded hopeful. That's why you aren't supposed to fuck patients. They get attached.

"For the next month," I told her, looking down to find her blue eye's staring back up at me. Her cheeks were flushed, her legs were spread, and as always her pussy greeted me, wet and swollen.

"What happens once I'm better?" she asked, sucking the tip of my dick into her mouth. Her cheeks hollowed out creating a tight seal around the head, and she sucked so hard, it was as if she was trying to steal my soul.

"Shit," I said, yanking her head back. I thrusted my hips forward into her mouth, hitting the back of her throat, and pulled out just as quickly. I was coated in her saliva. "I'm in control here," I reprimanded as she looked up at me with irritation.

"What happens next month when I walk out of this place?" she asked again, pulling her dress over her head. She was completely naked and completely out of her mind.

"Nothing happens. You go back to your life and I go back to mine."

"Hmm," she shook her head, gingerly rising to her feet. I let her pull the stained white sweater off my body, and watched as she finished undressing me. She ran her fingers down my stomach, tracing the v-shaped outline of my hip bone. My dick was hard as stone and twitching with impatience, but I let her explore. Our usual encounters were rushed and always fully clothed. My body was perfection, and she deserved to enjoy it, just once.

"Hyde has a dad bod," I said, grabbing a handful of her ass, unsure of where the fuck that even came from.

"He has a big dick, though."

"What the fuck did you just say?' I snapped, wrapping my hands around her throat. I walked her backwards to the desk until her ass hit the edge.

"I said," she croaked out, grinning like a lunatic, despite my grip on her throat, "he has a big dick."

"How the fuck do you know?"

"What does it matter?" she asked. "Blow-up doll, remember."

"I'm going to split you into two pieces," I growled, turning her body around, throwing her over my desk, and shoved two fingers inside of her soaking wet snatch. "Then I'm going to kill him and any other man who is unlucky enough to try to stick his dick in here."

Livid didn't even cover it. I wished I saw red because then, at least, I could try to control my rage, but I saw black. I was staring into the void. There was nothingness, silent, but for the sounds of Hyde grunting as he stuck his needle dick inside my beautiful little nympho.

"You're pretty possessive for a man who wants nothing to do with me after this month is over," she said grinding her hips down onto my hand. The rational side of my brain, knew what she was doing, but fuck rational, fuck Meadowbrook and fuck maintaining any sense of sanity. I slid my fingers out and pinned her wrists behind her back with one hand and with the other I smacked her hard on the ass.

She screamed out, "fuck," before turning her head towards the door.

"Did you fuck Hyde?" I asked, yanking her back by her hair. I needed to know. I didn't care how loud she was being and I wasn't going to stop spanking her until I got my answer.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

I hit her again, harder, "answer me."

She moaned, a look of pure bliss etched across her face. "Is that all you've got?"

I chuckled, the sound, dark, menacing. I'd met my equal in every way. I was chaos, she was violence, and together we made anarchy. "Oh baby," I murmured, "you haven't seen anything yet." I slammed my dick into her hard and without warning. Her body lurched forward and her legs begin to shake. My heavy hand falling hard on her ass, "how was that?"

"Again, please," she begged.

"Did you fuck Hyde?" I growled as I pulled out of her and slammed back inside, pouring every ounce of force and hatred I possessed into the movement.

"NO," she yelled out, knocking everything off the right side of my desk with a loud crash. "I haven't been with anyone else either."

The relief that I felt only served to fuel my anger. "You've been a bad girl." I growled, running my nails down her back, leaving a trail of pink lines in their wake. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Keep me," she moaned, grinding back against me.

I lean forward, my body covering hers, and I slipped my thumb into her mouth, "suck," I commanded, "get it nice and wet, baby." She did as she was told, slobbering on my thumb like it was a dicksicle. I pulled the digit from her mouth and smile at the trail of spittle hanging from her lip. My eyes dropped to her pink, round ass and I pressed my thumb up against her puckered opening, forcing it inside.

"Oh, my God," she mewled. With my thumb filling her ass, I pushed my dick in and out of her with slow, controlled motions. It was a punishment fuck. She wanted it hard and fast, so I gave it to her slow and steady.

I wrapped my other hand around the length of her hair, forming a makeshift ponytail, and pulled, forcing her back to arch. The angle ensured that with each stroke, my dick rubbed her g-spot. My nuts slammed into her ass with each thrust.

I could feel her muscles tighten, her body convulse, as the dragon fucked her over my desk, at my job, with my assistant an ear shot away, because she was a bad girl and she needed to be taught a lesson. I was trying to teach her what happens when you let your emotions get the best of you. I was trying to show her why it was important to keep calm and stay in control. I thought I was the untouchable king, and I reigned dominion over her body.

I see now that I was wrong. I was never in control. I see now that she was the mastermind this entire time. I was impulsive. I did things because I wanted to, with no regard for how it affects anyone else. I fucked her in my office because her pussy felt like nirvana and I don't feel bad about it.

I have no regrets, not even when my nosey bitch assistant reported that she heard a ruckus coming from my office. Not even when the orderlies came and took me away. Not even when she pretended to cry, and cuddle up to Hyde, like I was a monster and he was her savior, all the while smirking in triumph.

"It was a test and I failed. She was giving me one last chance. In her own twisted way, she was in love with me. She was asking me to choose. Anastasia orchestrated everything, the lunch room, everything. It was all a part of her plan to get me to pick her. She was pissed about Kate, but this whole thing blew up in my face because she found out about my wife."

"How do you know that?" Dr. Rodriguez asks, lifting his left leg, and crossing it over his right. God, I hated men who crossed their legs like women. I hated everything about these weekly sessions, with this expensive charlatan, but if I want to stay out of prison, I must spill my guts to this man who sits like he has a vagina between his legs.

"Because," I say, smiling, though nothing about losing my license, my wife and half of my inheritance with her, was funny. "the last thing she said to me as I pulled my dick from her throbbing cunt was, _I hope your pretty blonde wife likes the taste of my pussy."_

 **The End**


	3. Entry 2

.

 **Forbidden **

_**Christian/Anastasia  
Forbidden Love: Affair**_

* * *

 **July 22** **nd**

 **Christian**

I hate lying to my wife. Knowing I have a wife of two years at home, with a one year old baby girl is starting to weigh on my conscious. Even though I don't believe I have a heart. I do have a conscious. And I know it isn't fair to my wife or my mistress to string them along. But with everything going on, with my personal life and work life these last few months, I've been lying to my wife, makes it worthwhile. Coming here to spend time on the weekends with her brings out something in me I've never felt before. She makes me feel alive, she makes me feel loved. Something I've never felt before. Even thought my wife says she loves me. I've never believed her. And the thing is. I fall more in love with her every time were together. But at the same time leaving my baby girl kills me. They don't deserve this. None of them do. A part of me knows this is forbidden, but the thrill I get from it sets me on fire.

But I want something more from a relationship. Something other than being unhappy in a marriage, that only is there because of our daughter. I want something more. That four-letter word used to mean nothing to me. That's until I started coming here a few months ago. I've always had a thing for blue eyed brunettes. That's until I walked in here and met my green-eyed angel.

Pushing those thoughts out of my head, I take my wedding ring off and slide it into my pocket. I square my shoulders as I walk into Tacoma's BDSM club _Collars N Cuffs_. One of the very few privately-owned clubs in Washington. I opened this club a year ago with the intent of nobody finding out. I've told my wife no more secrets, but here I am holding onto two of the biggest secrets out there.

Knowing I am going to be seeing her in a matter of minutes makes my dick twitch. _You have a wife and baby at home Grey, and you're out in a different town, at a BDSM club for Christ sake. You need to stop worrying about your dick twitching for another girl, and go home and take care of your wife_.

Shaking my head at the thought, I pull myself together and scan the room until I see what area she is working in. That's when I see her. Her long brown hair flowing over her shoulders walking over with a couple of drinks in her hand to the table not too far from me. I immediately notice she is not wearing her collar. The one I bought and gave her last month. The thought displeases me immensely. She always wears her collar. Ever since the night I gave it to her. I may be married, but I still want to mark her. The thought of me marking her with something turns me the fuck on.

She looks up and notices me and I notice the look of sorrow on her face. Like her puppy just got ran over. Casting her eyes down she slowly walks over to me.

"Good evening, Sir. What can I get you to drink?"

Putting my finger under her chin, I tip her head back so I can see her eyes. "No, I want you to look at me. Tell me what's wrong. Why aren't you wearing your collar?"

"Sir, I get off in an hour maybe we can talk then."

"Ok, just come and get me when you get off and we can talk."

I go back and forth from watching her take drinks from table to table. To watching a Dom, paddle his submissive on the stage before me. This is how we met that one night. I came in here looking to release some tension. When the woman I have running it asks me my type of sub I wanted. I told her I wanted a brunette with blue eyes. And I wanted one with no limits at all. I needed something to beat the shit out of that night. When I walked into the private room upstairs, and saw her kneeling only in her panties, her brown hair in a long braid, my dick instantly got hard. But when she looked at me, and I noticed she had green eyes instead of blue, I saw nothing but red. I beat the shit out of her that night. She took every lash, every slap I had to give her without using her safe words. The beast reared his ugly head ready to play. And damnit, I let him play. Then I fucked the living shit out of her. Best damn fuck I've ever had. Even better than my wife, and that's saying a lot.

I start thinking about my wife. Knowing it's going to break her when I tell her. And knowing she can take me for everything I have scares the fuck out of me. Because we didn't sign a prenup when we got married. I never wanted this to happen. We both have been faithful in this marriage. She's a damn good woman, and knowing I probably need to end this with her is killing me inside. My family and GEH are at stake over this. Losing both scares the fuck out of me.

I met my wife two years ago at a BDSM club in London. GEH was starting up the London office, and I had to foresee them through the whole process of it. Walking in _Club Kink_ that night was one of the best and worst moments of my life. Worst as having to marry her for the wrong reasons. The best is having the condom break, and us welcoming our now one year old daughter into the world, Sadie Elizabeth Grey.

Noticing the customers start to leave, I finish my Jim and coke. I've been sitting here for the last hour sweating bullets. The not knowing what is on her mind has been killing me.

She comes and stands in front of the table. The look in her eyes is really scaring me.

"Hey, why don't you go sit in the office until I get through helping clean up? I'll come and get you when everyone leaves."

"Please tell me what's going on. This waiting is killing me." I let her know.

"I promise we will talk in a bit. Just let me finish helping close everything down, alright."

Pulling her between my legs, I brush her hair out of her face, and lean down to kiss her. But then she does something she has never done before; she turns her head and pushes away from me. _Shit this must really be bad._

Getting up from the chair I make my way to my office and turn on the CTC camera. I begin watching her every move while running my fingers through my hair. _Leave your damn hair alone, Grey. You're going to go bald before she walks through the door._

The moment I see that everyone has left I grab my jacket and make my way to the main area. I am not fucking waiting until she is ready. I am her Dom.

Standing behind the bar with her back turned, I watch her making two drinks, I assume is for us. Not wanting to startle her I make myself known and clear my throat.

"Hey! I'm just going to go over here and get us a table so we can talk, ok."

"Sure, I'll be there in a second. Just let me finish making our drinks first." She says not even turning to look at me.

Wiping my hands on my pants, I take a seat and wait for her to come over.

"Why do I have the feeling tonight is going to make or break our relationship." I ask her the moment she places our drinks on the table.

She surprises me by sitting on my lap. "Christian, please let me finish explain to you before you interrupt. Do you think you can do that?"

Blowing out a deep breath. "Yes, I think I can do that."

It takes her forever to start talking. "Christian, you know I love you right? What we have is something I believe is special, but I can't do this sneaking around anymore. Your married, and you said it yourself that you want to leave your wife, but you don't know how without hurting your family and your business. I can't, no I won't do this anymore. It's not fair to your wife or to myself. So, I'm giving you the choice tonight. Your wife or me. I want an answer by Monday. I don't want you to contact me until you make your mind up. No calls, no text, and no emails."

The look on her face is killing me. But knowing I must make a choice so damn soon is killing me more. "You want me to make the choice by Monday"? For fucks sake, that's only three damn days. I told you I've been working on finding a way to tell her. This isn't something I can just spring on her between tonight and Monday. I thought you were happy with our arrangement, I need time. Give me more time. Just please not Monday." I plead with her.

"I can't do it anymore, Christian. Too much has happened. I love you and I am…" She looks down at her hands fidgeting with the buttons of my shirt.

"You are what? Spit it out now." I demand. Fuck! My patience is starting to run thin.

"I'm pregnant"

"You're what?" Shit, this was the last thing I thought she would tell me.

"I said I'm pregnant."

Hearing a gasp, the both of us look up. My eyes become big as saucers when I notice Elliot standing there shell shocked. _What the hell?_

"What the fuck, Elliot. What the fuck are you doing here?" I tighten my hold on her as she tries getting up out of my lap. _Not going to fucking happen._

"Don't you think I should ask you that question, Christian?" His eyes darting from me to the woman sitting on my lap. "Christian, what the fuck are you doing in a BDSM club, with a woman, who isn't your wife sitting on your lap?"

Holding her secure on my lap. "Elliot, are you here alone, and how the fuck did you get in here anyway the club is closed."

"That's my fault I forgot to lock the door when everyone left for the night." She lets me know.

"No I am not here alone, Christian, Kate is in the bathroom. She's going to have a shit fit and a lot of questions are about to be asked. So, get ready to start explaining little bro."

"Elliot just get Kate out of here for fucks sake. Come to GEH Monday morning, I promise to explain everything then."

"Fine Monday morning." He says. "But don't let Andrea give me any excuses that you are too busy, because we are going to talk Monday, Christian."

Watching my brother leave, I make sure him and Kate are out the door before I get up and lock the door. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I honestly didn't need this shit right now. All I wanted to do was come to Tacoma; spend the weekend with my girl, but instead I get an ultimatum thrown at me, a new baby on the way, and my fucking brother catching me. I just hope he can keep his damn mouth shut until Monday morning.

"Hey sorry about that. I had no idea my brother was going to come marching in here, to a BDSM club no less". I let my girl know when I sit back down at the table.

"Don't apologize. It was my fault for not making sure the door was locked. I know you didn't want your family finding out this way. I know they're going to hate me once they find out you have a mistress and a baby on the way, but we need to talk Christian. I was serious when I said you have to make the choice. I'm giving you an out. If you don't want to leave your wife that's fine, and even if you don't want to raise this baby with me. I won't pressure you into anything."

She looks so sad talking. I try to grab her hand and pull her back into my lap, but she refuses. The look on her face is killing me. I know what I want. But I also have to think of the consequences at home too. "How bout we go back to my hotel room so we can talk?" I say praying that she agrees.

Whispering so low I barely hear her. "No, I think we should talk now. You have a lot to think about, Christian. I know what will happen if I go back to the room with you. You will distract me with sex, and no talking will be done. I think it will be better if we talk now and get it out of the way. I want this done sooner rather than later. So, I think its best that once we both leave here tonight, you don't contact me until you have made your decision."

I sigh and brush my hands through my hair. "No, you're right; I didn't want my brother finding out like this. But you are throwing on me that you're pregnant. It sure makes things a little more difficult. Don't you think?"

"So, what! Now you think I got pregnant on purpose? I was on birth control for crying out loud. Jesus, do you know how stupid you sound right now. Do you honestly think I wanted to become pregnant? In our situation, anyway. You haven't even asked me how far along I am right now. And if that's the way you really think then the both of us can just leave right now."

Standing up. I grab her wrist and pull her over to stand between my legs. She is tense at first, but after a few seconds I feel her body relaxing against mine. "Listen to me, I am sorry, but like I said, you threw me one hell of a curve ball tonight. How far along are you anyway? Do you have a photo of the sonogram? And how are you feeling?"

"I went to the Dr. Smith yesterday to get my shot and he made me do a urine test like he does every time. It came back positive, and I am six weeks along. Look, Christian I'm tired and hungry. I just want to go home eat, shower and go to bed. And you need to go back to your hotel room or home and think about what you really want."

"I wish you would come with me, please."

"I can't. Don't get me wrong, I really want to, but I can't. If I do go with you, I know all you will want to do is keep me in bed. I am tired of being your dirty little secret, your forbidden romance that nobody knows about. I understand you have a lot on your plate, but so, do I. This isn't easy for me either, Christian." She whispers the last part.

She is right, completely right. I am keeping her as my dirty little secret. Keeping her in my back pocket, only taking her out when I want to play. And I know if she came back with me to my room, I would ravish her the rest of the time we were there. There wouldn't be any kind of talking.

Standing up I grab her around her waist and kiss her like my life depends on it. "Ok, I'll go. Let me follow you out and make sure you get to your car safely ok".

Taking her hand, we silently walk over to her Range Rover. Pushing her against the car door, I kiss her hard while I grind my hips into her. Maybe if I let her know what she's going to be missing this weekend, she may change her mind. "Are you sure you don't want to come with me." I kiss her again and place my forehead against hers.

"Please say yes."

Clasping her hands tighter around my neck. "I already told you that I wasn't joining you. You have a lot of things to think about, Christian. Call me when you have made your decision, no matter what the outcome is, I want to know."

"Ok, baby. Just give me a few days to let things sink in."

As she starts her car up, I lean down to give her one more kiss before she leaves. "Please be safe on the way home, and the next few days. I don't like the idea of not talking to you throughout the day."

"I promise to be safe. I have to remember it's not just me anymore." She says with a little smile.

Watching her drive away into the night, I feel my heart sinking a little. Not knowing if this is going to be the last time I'll ever see her.

Walking into the hotel room everything feels different. Different because I'm so used to having her with me. Tonight, has turned into one huge cluster fuck and the only one to blame is myself. Pouring myself a bourbon I make my way over to the couch.

Shit, I don't even know where to begin. I guess the question that really needs to be answered is do I want to be with the one I am in love with? Or leave my wife and take a chance of losing my family and business. Will my wife forgive me if I tell her I have been having an affair for the last few months and take in and love the new baby? Not saying I'm planning on taking the baby away from their mother. But I need to know where this shit will stand with my wife. How will my family feel knowing I strayed in my marriage? They love my wife. Even though they don't know the real reason why we ended up getting married so quickly. I know they want me happy. Then there's my business. I'm known as a family man with a beautiful wife and daughter. How the fuck is the public going to look at me now? Knowing I've had an affair and got another woman pregnant can harm my business in more ways than one.

Putting the glass down on the table I decide its best to just sleep on it. Maybe getting a good night's rest I will wake up with a clearer mind in the morning. I make my way to the bedroom. _She should be here with you right now Grey. Maybe if you would have resolved this shit weeks ago, you wouldn't be in the predicament you're in now._

 **July 23** **rd**

" _Wake up Tacoma Washington. It's a beautiful day."_ Rolling over turning the alarm clock off, I pick up my phone from the nightstand. Rolling back over I think about calling my girl. With a sigh, I drop my phone from my hands remembering what she told me last night. No contact until I make a decision.

Walking into the bathroom, I take my morning piss and brush my teeth. Catching a good look at myself in the mirror I wince. _You look like shit, Grey._

I don't even bother in calling room service for breakfast, because for the first time in my life, I don't think I could eat. While my head is spinning, I start packing up my bags. Saddened I take one last look at the room that holds so many memories and close the door behind me. At the front desk, I let the receptionist know that I am not sure if I will be coming back next week.

Still not knowing what I want and knowing I have to come clean to my wife is starting to scare me. The thirty-six-minute drive to Seattle isn't nearly long enough to get my thoughts in order.

I hear talking coming from the kitchen letting me know exactly where my wife is. Sitting side by side are my wife and little girl. Sadie's eyes brighten when she sees me and my wife looks confused, her brow furrowed. Not caring that Sadie's mouth is covered with syrup, I pick her up from her highchair and crush her little body against mine. I inhale her baby scent and for the first time I feel calm.

"Do you think you can get Gail to keep an eye on Sadie for a little bit? I need to talk to you about something." I say looking at my wife.

"Of course," She nods and takes Sadie from my arms. "I will take her to Gail's apartment and I will meet you in your study in a few minutes." She smiles at me and turns around giggling with my daughter.

Sitting behind my desk I'm sweating fucking bullets. Not knowing how she is going to take the news of what I am about to tell her, is driving me insane.

Hearing the door open I run my fingers threw my hair once more. No more games and no more secrets. _Secrets is what got you in this predicament in the first-place Grey._

"I didn't expect you to be back so early." She says walking to me. She leans down to kiss me and I instinctively pull away.

"Christian, what is wrong? Did something happen while you were on your business trip?"

"Baby, please sit down." I say pointing to the chair across from mine. Slowly, her eyes not leaving mine, she sits down and folds her hands in her lap.

"There is no good way to say this; you are going to hate me. I know you are."

"Christian, you are scaring me. What's going on? Whatever it is we will get through this."

I turn around on my heels and start to pace. I have no fucking clue how to tell her this.

"Christian, just tell me what's the matter? I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

"I've been having an affair." I blurt. Looking at her blue eyes tear up is killing me. I never wanted to hurt her. Not like this.

"What do you mean you've been having an affair? How long, Christian?"

I open my mouth and close it again.

"Tell me, Christian Grey! How long has this been going on? Where did you meet her?" Rising from the chair she takes the paperweight from my desk and throws it against the wall. "Tell me!" She screams.

"Two months. And I met her at a BDSM club I opened up a while ago. I was never meant to go there. I just bought it as an investment. Things were getting rough at work, and I just needed to get out for a while."

"And you didn't think to come ask me for help. Your own wife for crying out loud. We have a fucking baby together. Tell me something. Do you love her?"

Slumping my shoulders down. "Yes, I do. I really didn't want this to happen. I care about you. I had no idea that this was going to become with her. You know we only got married because of you being pregnant in the first place. Don't get me wrong the sex was amazing, but I wanted a connection with someone and I found it with her, but you will always be Sadie's mother and that means everything to me."

"You love her?" She whispers.

"There is more." I admit and close my eyes when I see the tears falling.

"She told me last night she is six weeks pregnant."

She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand and the hurt in those blue eyes is fucking killing me.

"Who is she Christian? Is she a sub? I can change your mind. I can be the woman you want me to be. If you just give me a chance, we can go back to the way we used to be. We can have that connection. If you just give me a chance. Just please don't leave me." She rambles.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" She yells throwing her arms in the air. "Sorry is a fucking board game, or when you accidently bump into someone. Not when you fuck around on your wife and end up getting your mistress pregnant. You really are fifty shades fucked up, Christian."

Knowing I have to ask the next two questions has me sweating like a whore in church. "I'll sign over twenty million to you, but please don't take Sadie or my business away from me. I know I don't deserve it. But please." _Don't take my daughter away from me._

"I don't want your damn money, Christian. It was never about the money. You are Sadie's father and I would never take that away from you. And as for your business, I have never wanted a part of that, anyway. I told you that when you didn't want me to sign the prenup. I want you happy. And it's clear as day I'm not the one to make you happy. But I do want to try marriage counseling for a month. Just to see if what we have can be saved."

I nod my head because at this moment there is nothing else I can do.

"I'm taking Sadie for the rest of the weekend. I am going to fly up and stay with my mom. You need to think long and hard, Grey what you really want. If you need to talk, I am only a phone call away. With that, I watch her walk out the door. _What have I done?_

 **July 24** **th**

"Mr. Grey you brother is here to see you." Andrea lets me know.

Fuck I was hoping Elliot wasn't going to show up today. When he said, he was coming sometime today. I was really hoping he wasn't really meaning it. I haven't even had the time to process of him finding out; on top of the discussion I had with my wife yesterday.

Forgetting to knock on the door Elliot walks in tracking mud all over the floor. Note to self. _Have an extra pair of shoes sitting at the entrance of Grey house every time he comes to visit._

"To what do I owe the pleasure Elliot? And you're going to clean up the mud on your way out."

"Cut the shit, Christian. You know exactly why I'm here. You do remember me walking into the club Friday night, and catching you with a girl sitting on your lap. A girl who isn't your wife no less. You have some major explaining to do little brother."

"What do you want to know? But before you answer that question, I think I should know why YOU were in _Collars N Cuffs_. I'm not the only one married with a child, you know."

Watching him gulp and squirm in his chair. "Christian the reason why I was there is because Kate and I… Fuck, this is hard. The reason why I was there is because Kate and I wanted to try something new. You know the whole spice up your life shit."

Sighing to myself. "She is a bartender at the club I own. I met her a couple months ago. She makes me feel whole El. Something I've never felt before."

I tell Elliot the whole story of how I got involved in BDSM, meeting my wife, and why we decided to marry so fast. He's the only person I've told other than my wife and her. He's quiet for a bit. And it's starting to scare the fuck out of me.

"Four things Christian. Do they know what's going on, your wife and your mistress? Are you going to leave your wife? When are you going to tell mom and dad about this? You do realize this is going to kill mom, don't you? You, being unhappy for the last two years. And why the fuck didn't you tell me you were a kinky ass bastard. It sure as hell would have saved me a lot of time."

I have to chuckle. Elliot always bringing good humor in some fucked up situation.

"They both know what is going on. My wife didn't take it as bad as I thought, but she isn't willing to let me go this easily, she wants to fight for our marriage or what is left of it. She wants to go to marriage counseling for a month. She wants to save our marriage, Ell. Even though I told her I am going to be a father again."

"What the fuck Christian. Not only were you banging some other chick on the side, but you got her pregnant too? Jesus, bro what the fuck are you feeding your boys? Miracle Grow. Good lord, you have some serious baby gravy going on."

Slapping my knee, I throw my head back and laugh. "Baby gravy really? Where the hell do you come up with this shit at?"

"Google, maybe you should try it every once in a while. Instead of looking at spreadsheets all day or sticking your dick into a woman's pussy that's not your wife." He grunts.

"Like you said, Elliot; the only thing mom and dad want was for me to be happy. I know they love my wife, but I think that if I decide to leave my wife, they will stand by me." _Keep telling yourself that, Grey_.

"I don't know, man." Elliot says. "I have never been in this situation before, but think about your happiness for once."

Hearing Andreas voice come through the intercom. "Mr. Grey, I have Ms. Bailey on the line. She said it's urgent."

"Sorry to cut this short Elliot, but duty calls. I promise to keep you informed from now on. No more secrets."

"No matter what you choose, I just want you happy. That's all we want, Christian. That's all we ever wanted for you."

After having the talk with my brother, I feel a little better. Like I'm starting to see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel. I feel like my life is on the crazy train right now. And I'm the driver.

"I'm here Ros what seems to be the problem?"

"Why the hell was I on hold for so long, Christian? Mr. Sanchez is in New York right now. He flew in a week early. He wants to get all the paperwork signed and to get the ball rolling back in London. He said he's been trying to get in contact with you since Thursday, but you're not answering his calls."

Fuck, I don't need this right now. I've got too much on my plate to be worrying about flying to New York. I'll just send Ros.

"Ros, I can't go right now. I've got personal stuff going on at home. You go, and take Gwen with you. I'll cover all expenses."

"I can't go. I'm balls to the walls covered in contracts. And besides you're the one who has to sign the contracts."

"I guess I'm heading to New York." Picking up the phone, I call out to Andrea. "Andrea get Stephen on the phone and get him to have the jet ready to leave in an hour and a half. And call Taylor to let him know, to run home and get my overnight bag, Please."

Now to make the call to my wife, I just hope she's speaking to me after yesterday's talk.

She picks up the phone immediately and her voice is filled with hope. "Christian?"

"I was calling to let you know that I have to fly to New York for the next few days. I should be back no later than Thursday."

"Would you like me to go with you? Maybe we can extend it a few days, and work on us. What do you say?"

"You said you wanted me to really think about this and what I wanted. This business trip is perfect. I will call you in a few days and let you know what I decided."

"Christian, your whole affair started out on a business trip. Are you taking her with you, is that the reason why you don't want me going? Because to me that's what it sounds like."

She is absolutely right, and she has every right to think that. That is exactly how my affair started. Claiming to go on business trips every weekend while I was shacking up with another woman.

"No, I'm not taking her with me. You can even call Ros if you don't believe me. I need to go. Kiss Sadie for me, and I'll see you when I get back." Without waiting for her answer, I end the call.

Arriving at JFK at 11:30, I switch my cell back on and call my wife to let her know I made it safely. She doesn't pick up the phone what doesn't surprise me. _She probably thinks you have your mistress with you._

I leave her a voice mail telling her that we arrived in New York and drive down the busy streets of New York.

 **July 25** **th**

"Good morning, Mary please send Mr. Sanchez in when he gets here please. And please order some pastries from the bakery down the street. Mary, my personal assistant in New York, is just as good as Andrea. She comes to work not to gawk like the other women do at both branches.

"Mr. Grey, Mr. Sanchez is downstairs. Your appointment wasn't until 10:00. But it looks like he has arrived an hour and a half early. Would you like me to send him in when he gets here? Or do you need more time?" Mary lets me know when she brings in the pastries.

Good he's early. Maybe we can go over the shit that needs to be done and I can get the hell out of here. "Send him in as soon as he gets off the elevator." _I want to get the hell out of here as soon as I can. No sense in lollygagging around._

"Good morning Mr. Grey. Glad to see you were able to make the trip here." Arrogant ass bastard doesn't know who he's messing with. Sure, he runs the London office, but if he doesn't get his head out of his ass, he's going to find himself out on the sidewalk.

Counting to ten in my head I let out a deep breath. "Sanchez, it wasn't my intention to come. I have better things to do than sit here and go over and sign the contract. _Yeah like trying to make up your mind on which woman you want to be with, Grey._

"I told Ms. Bailey when I couldn't contact you, that Wiles refused to sign without having a face to face with you. The company is his baby and he wanted to make sure everything was up to par, before he signed it over to GEH. Today was the only day I could make it since my daughter is graduating from Berkeley College tomorrow. So, I thought why not kill two birds with one stone. You will understand once your daughter graduates." He says smugly. "By the way when are you and the misses going to have another one? You know you don't want to wait too long."

Shut this shit down, Grey. No way in hell am I going to tell Mr. Peckerhead over here, I have one on the way. Maybe it will be a boy, I muse. Now's not the time to be thinking of that.

"Sanchez, you know I don't discuss my personal life with anyone. Let's get this contract signed and get the hell out of here."

I haven't eaten anything since breakfast. And since it is 3:00 I decide to order some room service before taking a shower.

Stepping into the shower, I turn the water on the hottest setting. My stress level is through the roof. I need to relieve some stress. I grab my dick and start, hopefully when rubbing one out, it will make me feel better. But I can't get hard for shit. My dick is sitting there with his head pointed at the shower floor. Giving it another pull and another, it's not growing. It's just there, all soft and mushy. "Jesus Christ don't tell me I have erectile dysfunction on top of everything else". I mutter. I try and give it another go. Nope nothing. Giving up I finish my shower and head back to the living room to wait on room service.

Crawling into bed, I start to think. Really think. My wife, she was there for me in London. Never did I think she would end up pregnant and us getting married. I did what I thought was right. Don't get me wrong, I care deeply for her, but only because she is Sadie's mother. But starting up my business a few years ago, I didn't want the public to view me as some fucker who just knocked up a girl who didn't marry her. My family was over the moon at me settling down. Even though, I think deep down they always wondered if I was truly happy and why I married the first woman who captured my attention. Surely my parents wouldn't disown me when I tell them? Keep telling yourself that. They are going to be so fucking disappointed when they find out what a sick bastard you really are. I'm sure they are going to disown me.

And many women have captured my attention, but not like her, not like my green-eyes goddess. No one can really compare to her. She is perfect in every way.

They were ecstatic when I told them they had a grandbaby on the way. Only if they knew the real reason why we got married. Fuck, I don't know what to do. On one hand, I don't want to hurt my wife, and I don't want my daughter being raised by parents that are separated. _Really, Grey. You have another one on the way_. No matter which way I choose to go, someone is going to get hurt in the end.

Then I have my green-eyed goddess. Never in a million years did I think when I walked through those doors that night I would meet her. I just went in to whip and flog a submissive, not fuck one. She threw me for a loop when she looked up at me that night. The connection was so strong, like a magnetic force. Every time I went back to the club, I kept telling myself that it was going to be the last time. But, one last time turned into two damn months. Now she's pregnant, pregnant with my baby. I bought her a collar only after a few weeks of being together. She was mine, all mine. But I wasn't all hers. She understood I was married and had a baby. But she loved me, loved being with me. And fuck if I didn't like being with her.

I always felt guilty when coming home from spending time with her. Sometimes, I wonder if my wife knew what was going on. But seeing the look on her face yesterday is making me second guess myself. They say there are always two sides to every coin. One being pleasure and one being pain. But right now, all I am seeing is the pain side

I've already had the talk with Elliot yesterday. Now all that's left is the two women in my life, and my family. I am not closer to knowing what I want to do. _Fuck it, I'm going to sleep._

Not getting much sleep last night, due to the thoughts running through my mind, I decide to spend the day looking for an apartment here. I guess I need to break down and buy one. Seeing how before long Sadie is going to start crawling. Not to mention the new baby will be here before I know it. _The damn press is going to have a field day when they catch wind of this._

Finally, after looking all day, I find one I like. Residences at the Mandarin Oriental. It comes with three bedrooms, three and a half baths. With a whopping price of right at thirteen million dollars. Plenty of room for family to stay, plus my family and two kids. And who knows we may even add to it later on in life.

After signing all the paperwork for the new apartment. "Taylor, I need for you to call Stephen and see when we can head back to Seattle."

"On it Sir".

"I've fucked up Taylor. I strayed from my marriage with another woman, and got her pregnant." I blurt out.

Taylors never has been one to get in my business. "Sir, not me or anyone can tell you what to do. You are the only one who can come to that conclusion."

"I still don't know what to do, Taylor. No matter which way I turn, someone is going to get hurt in the end."

"Sir, I've seen you with both women, and I know you care deeply for them both. You will make the right decision, Sir."

I give Taylor a quick nod. "Thank you, Taylor."

"Stephen just texted me back and informed me that the jet is ready to leave in two hours."

 **Four years later**

Leaning back as we watch Sadie and Bryce make sandcastles on the beach. I asked my wife a few weeks ago where she wanted to go on vacation. She said she wanted to come to our house in Maui. My anniversary gift to her last year.

Leaning over and kissing my wife behind her ear. "So, how about after we put the kids to bed tonight, we have a little mommy and daddy time?" Shit my dick is getting hard thinking about her legs draped over my shoulders while my head is buried between her legs. _Stop thinking with your dick, Grey._

"Sounds like a splendid idea Mr. Grey, but if you don't get your dick under control, we might have to do something about it sooner rather than later. And the kids are having a good time playing in the sand. So, be a good boy and just drink your Corona." She glances down at my crotch and giggles.

Walking into the bedroom I find my wife sitting on the end of the bed rubbing lotion on her legs. She looks sexy as hell. Sitting down beside her, I take the bottle out of her hand and start rubbing it over her naked back. A groan escapes her mouth while I massage her shoulders.

"I called and got our trip booked for 10 am. Sadie and Bryce are going to be ecstatic when they find out were taking them on a dolphin tour tomorrow. They both have been saying all week they want to find Nemo and see the dolphins". I say placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"You're such an amazing father, Christian."

"And you are an amazing mother."

"Well we don't want to disappoint them now do we?" Running both of my fingertips down her arm, I sit back and watch the goose bumps spreading over her body

"No... No, not at all."

"You have goose bumps, Mrs. Grey, are you cold?"

"No"

Leaning down and whispering in her ear. "If you're not cold, then what are you?"

"Horny is what I am. And if you don't fix this little problem then I may have to take matters into my own hands. And we both know how you don't like when I get myself off."

My dick is about to burst through the zipper. Standing up, I slowly pull my shirt off, and take my pants off. Watching her watching me is turning me the fuck on. "You touching yourself doesn't bother me, it's when you get yourself off on your own, is what bothers me. Lie on the bed face up and spread your legs." I take in the beautiful sight before me as she gets into position.

"Wider. Wider. That's it. Now I want you to touch yourself. Feel how soft your skin feels baby?" Stroking my dick up and down while looking at her wet pussy is just about enough to make me blow my load. "Stop" I tell her.

A moan comes through her lips while she inserts two fingers.

"I said no. Topping from the bottom won't do, Mrs. Grey. You want to try again?"

"Make me, Sir".

"You want to play, baby?" _Please say yes. Please say yes_. Jesus Christ I am ready to get this show on the road. My balls feel like they are about to explode.

"Yes" She says sucking her bottom lip in her mouth.

"Lay back and enjoy the ride, baby" Spreading her pussy lips apart, I dive in and feat on her delicious peach. I give her pussy a long lick stopping at her clit and gently bite it. She's using my head as a fucking steering wheel, steering me in which direction to take. It doesn't take long until I feel her legs start to shake and her pussy starts to spasm. I moan to myself as I lap up her sweet juice. _Fuck she taste good. So, fucking sweet._ Not letting her come down from her high, I flip her over, grab her hips and slap her ass hard, leaving my hand print. I thrust in. HARD. Not giving her a chance to get used to the feeling. Digging my fingers into her hips, I know it's going to leave a mark. "Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to fuck."

Throwing her head back she meets me thrust for thrust. Feeling the tingle in my balls as they tighten up, I know it's not going to be much longer. Trying to gain control is becoming too much. "Cum now, baby, for the love of God, cum." Feeling her pussy tighten up, her walls suck me in tighter, coming together as she milks me dry.

Rolling over, I take her with me. Pushing her just fucked hair out of her face, I kiss her soft lips.

"I love you so much baby. You and our too babies are my world, Anastasia Rose Grey."

Looking down at my sleeping beauty I feel a sense of calm washing over me. Anastasia completes me like no one else has ever done. From the first moment I laid eyes on her in that BDSM club in Tacoma, we connected and we still do on every level. I didn't realize it back then, but from the first moment she looked up at me with those green eyes I fell in love with her and four years later I still am. I feel like everything in my life led me to her. In Anastasia I found my one true love.

 **The End**


	4. Entry3

.

 **So Wrong, So Right**

 ** _Christian/Anastasia_**  
 ** _Forbidden Love: Stepbrother/Stepsister_**

* * *

I'm startled awake by warm kisses that move up my leg. Fingers trace over my wet core before they sink deep inside me. I let out a deep husky moan as the mouth finds my clit and sucks.

"Shhh…." The voice says from under my blanket.

The fingers move in and out of me relentlessly. I'm in pleasure overload and can't think about anything other than the tongue sucking and licking me.

It's the same every morning, he sneaks into my room, and has his way with me. Every morning I let him. I can't deny him, he never fails to make me feel good.

I start to build as his fingers pick up the pace and his lips cover mine to silence me, as my orgasm rips through me.

"You never fail to please me." He says, his voice hoarse.

He takes out his fingers and they glisten with my juices. He holds them to his nose, giving them a whiff, before rubbing them on my naked breasts.

He demands that I sleep naked for him. He says he doesn't want anything in his way when he comes in for his morning treat.

He sucks hard on my nipples making sure he gets every drop of my arousal off that he put on them.

"You like that my dirty little girl?" he whispers in my ear as he rolls one nipple between his fingers.

"Yes," I answer softy.

"You're so fucking perfect." he murmurs before sinking himself into me. "So fucking tight. You're mine."

He pumps himself in and out of me as my legs wrap around his back. I dig my nails into his shoulders, knowing that I can leave my mark in him. His thrusts faster as I go higher and higher to sub space. His thick cock never fails to satisfy me, even hours after, I know where he's been.

His lips crash to mine, our tongues tangle, as a jumbled form of his name leaves my lips. His steely gray eyes stare into mine as his forehead rest on my mine. I know he's close when he fists my hair in his hand and his jaw slacks.

"Fuck!" he mutters as he pulls my hair hard and comes deep inside of me.

"Always so fucking good." He gently kisses my lips and rolls off me, both of us in sweaty heaps.

"You need to get ready for school." He says as his hand brushes over my belly.

"I don't wanna go." I whine and he chuckles.

"Well, you need to. Don't you have a test or something?"

I groan as he rolls off my bed and slips on his pants.

"Don't go. Shower with me."

"I can't. I have to meet dad at the job site in an hour. My punishment for not going to college this semester. Now get up or I'll give you a spanking." he threats.

 _But it's anything but a threat._

"Yes, please." I roll myself onto all fours and shake my ass at him.

"Oh, baby you don't know what you're asking of me…" both his hands squeeze my ass cheeks before I get a loud whack to each one.

I hum my delight as he does it again. "I would love to take you again, but there isn't any time now. Get dressed." With one final smack he turns and leaves the room.

I make my way off my bed and head to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and as I wait for the water to heat up I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

My cheeks and chest are flushed like after every morning when Christian comes to my room with his daily wake up call.

Our relationship isn't anything close to being orthodox. Many, if not all, would frown upon it, but I don't care, because I'm totally head over heels in love with him.

Christian's dad, Carrick, married my mom, Carla, two years ago. I wasn't happy about my mother leaving my dad for Carrick, but it had the benefits; that of a hot older step brother was included in the deal.

Christian stayed away in the beginning of the marriage. He was friendly with me, but that's about it. He would spend every weekend with his mom, then between school and him hanging out late with friends, I didn't see him a lot.

Though things changed on my sixteenth birthday. While Christian argued with his father about not wanting to go back to college, I was starting my Junior year of high school.

Christian came into my room after my party to give me his gift. It was a simple gold necklace with two tiny gold hearts entwined together. He told me he was happy that our parents got together and he had the chance to know me. He clasped it around my neck and I haven't taken it off since.

I leaned over to kiss his cheek, but he moved just in time for the kiss to land on his lips.

I was shocked at first, my first kiss was with my stepbrother. It was wrong and all I wanted to do was do it again.

I thought he was going to freak, but he smiled at me, giving me a brief kiss on the cheek before leaving my room.

The next morning I found him in my room, cuddled behind me, and his hand down my pants.

 _ **Flashback**_

" _Christian what are you doing?"_

" _What does it feel like I'm doing, Anastasia?" He says in my ear while his fingers brush over my damp folds._

" _Have you ever had an orgasm before Ana?" he says as he peppers kisses on my exposed neck. My cheeks heat and I nod. "How?"_

" _My…my... fingers" I say nervously._

 _This is so wrong, but it feels right._

" _You never had a dick inside this tight little pussy?"_

" _No." I whisper softly._

" _Maybe we should change that," he purrs in my ear as he dips his fingers inside of me. "Would you like my cock inside of you, Anastasia?"_

" _Christian… we… we… shouldn't….oh god." I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as his thumb circles around my clit and forces his fingers deeper inside of me. I feel his erection poking me in my ass._

" _Shouldn't what? I know you want me, like I want you." he nips my ear, "Nobody is home. Just me and you. You can scream as loud as you want because I'm going to make you come multiple times this morning."_

 _His words alone are enough to make me come on his fingers. "I want you." I breathe out._

 _I'll admit I've wanted him since I first saw him. He's only got better looking and ripped in the last two years. At nineteen he's every woman's wet dream._

 _He's certainly mine._

 _But I wonder what he wants with me?_

 _He rolls me onto my back and hovers over me. Christian is already naked and I blush when I catch the sight of his dick. His huge throbbing, angry, veiny purple cock._

 _Being brave I reach out my hand and grab it and work my hand up and down his shaft. His eyes darken, when I run my thumb over his head, smearing the trace of pre cum around._

 _I wonder how he would taste in my mouth?_

 _Christian moves my hand off his cock and gives me an satisfying smirk. He places my hand above my head and pins it down with his, "I'm going to take you now, Ana. You still on your birth control?"_

" _Yes. How did you-?"_

" _I know everything about my favorite step-sis," he leans down and kisses me._

" _I'm your only step sister." I nudge his shoulder with my free hand._

" _That you are. First let's start by getting you out of these clothes." Freeing my hand he grabs the hem of my pants and pulls them down, flinging them across the room. He grins when he sees my underwear, I'm wearing a pair of bikini briefs with little hearts all over them._

 _Christian dips his nose into my core and inhales my scent, "Baby, you smell so intoxicating. He rubs his nose up and down, before placing a kiss in the center. "I hope you aren't attached to these."_

 _Before I can answer he's ripping the cotton fabric off me, the strings hang down as he throws it across the room, "You could've just taken them off."_

" _What's the fun in that?" He winks. Grabbing the bottom of my shirt he pulls it over my head and exposes my breasts._

" _Oh, these babies are better than I could have imagined." Christian bends down and suckles on my nipples, they pucker under his touch. His hand dips back to my core and runs a single digit along my folds. "You're so fucking wet, baby. You're ready for this." His finger is replaced with his dick._

" _Yes, I want you. Please." I beg._

 _Knowing any second, I'm about to lose my virginity._

 _Christian slowly sinks into me and I hiss at the intrusion. He stills his moments, his eyes search mine. Wordlessly, he's checking to see if I'm alright. I nod once I feel myself expand to accommodate to his large cock._

 _He slowly works in and out of me. His lips touch every surface of my face and neck. Our moans echoing off the walls as each stroke brings us both higher and higher. It doesn't take long for both of us to find bliss._

 **End Flashback**

We've somehow been able to keep this a secret for four months. God knows, what will happen if anybody finds out. I only wonder what it means for us in the end. I love him, but I don't know if the feeling is mutual. I dare not say anything in fear he might reject me.

I want him, forever. However, I have a feeling our relationship is a ticking time bomb.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

I arrive home after school and fling my backpack on the dining room table. It's been a long day and I dread to find out what I got on my calculus test. I studied for a week and when it came time for the test all I could think about was Christian's mouth and fingers.

 _The man is going to make me fail._

I hear two female voices coming from the kitchen and I go to investigate which of my mother's snotty friends is here today.

I stop in my tracks when my mom is talking to an attractive blonde who appears to be Christian's age chatting it up. They're hitting it off like old friends.

"Hi." I announce myself into the room.

"Oh, Ana. You're home. This is Ashley. Christian's girlfriend."

 _Girlfriend?_

"Ashley, this is Christian's sister, Anastasia."

Ashley comes over and puts out her hand for me to shake. "I've heard so much about you." she smiles brightly at me

"I wish I could say the same." I say bitterly as I shake her hand. "Where is the numb nuts?"

"Anastasia," My mom says astonished.

"What? He is my _brother_ after all. Aren't nicknames a rite of passage. Where is he?"

 _That way I can kick his ass._

"He's with your dad in the garage. Can you help me set up for dinner."

"Do I have too?" I want to be anywhere else, but here right now.

"Yes!" she snaps at me. Walking to the cabinet she hands me a stack of plates, "Go." She points her finger out to the dining room.

I roll my eyes and resist the urge to want to throw the plates across the room in a tantrum. I do as I'm told and set the table. I hope mother remembered the rat poison in Christian's food tonight.

I know we never claimed to be official, but I thought I meant more to him. I guess I was wrong. Why would he go out of his way to destroy me, use me, and break my heart. I grab my bag and head towards my room and cry.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Christian is smart and avoids me till dinner. I leave my room and I'm on my way to torture myself for the next hour sitting next to Christian's girlfriend. I'm almost to the table when Christian grabs my elbow and pulls me back. I wiggle my way out of his hold.

"Don't touch me." I spit.

"Ana, let me…"

"Just fuck off, Christian. I don't care what happens to you or your little girlfriend. I need you to leave me alone." I grit through my teeth, trying not to draw attention to myself.

"Baby," He tries to coax me, but in return I end up slapping him in the face.

I watch as he holds his cheek, my jaw drops, and I can't believe what I did. He looks at me like he doesn't know me. "Fine," he snaps before pushing past me.

I take a cleansing breath before I enter the dining room. Christian pulls out the chair out for Ashley and tucks her in, before placing himself beside her.

We all sit and serve ourselves a plate. I pick my fork up and push my food around. Glancing up at Christian, I notice him doing the same. He looks my way, expressionless, and I give my best scowl before looking back at my plate.

"How long have you two been together?" Carrick asks.

"Three months." Christian answers and my fork clamors to my plate.

"You've been dealing with this buffoon for three months. Brave woman." I mocking joke.

I can feel Christian's piercing gaze boring into my head, but I continue to enjoy making my mashed potato mountain.

"Ana, be nice." My mom touches my arm. "You'll have to excuse my daughter she's a bit of a jokester."

"It's fine Mrs. G." Ashley says waving her off.

"Mrs. G?" I remark, rolling my eyes.

 _When did that start?_

"How did you two meet?" Carrick changes the subject back to the asshole and his pet.

"We met at a party. We talked and hit it off right away." I look up just in time to see Christian smile at Ashley.

I'm doing everything I can to keep my stomach contents in while looking at this puke fest displayed in front of me.

My mother asks Ashley about her future aspirations and her family. My mom and Carrick have really seemed to hit it off with her, all while Christian is smiling like a dufus at her. I guess I should've seen this coming. Did I really expect our little affair to last?

I push my chair back and it makes an awful scratching noise across the wood floor. Throwing my napkin on my plate, I raise to my feet. "I'm not feeling well. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Oh, honey. Do you want me to get you something?" My mother pipes up, finally drawing her attention away from her promising future daughter in law. Well step daughter in law.

"No, I'm fine. You guys in enjoy the rest of your meal, with the new member of the family." I say sweetly, putting on my best smile, before making my exit.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Hours later I'm still stewing. I can't believe he would do this to me. Next time I see him, I'm going to rip him into shreds. My mom checked on me before she went to bed, to make sure I was ok. I told her I was fine and had a stomach bug. To make matters worse, my mom gloated how much she loved Ashley, thought she was perfect for Christian. On top, of telling me he took her home.

My imagination is running wild picturing Christian with Ashley, wondering if he's doing the same thing he does with me with _her_.

Talk about a knife twisting in my gut. I wonder how many times when he claimed to be hanging out with the guys and all along he was with her.

 _Rat bastard._

There's a light rap on my door. It's after eleven now and I only wonder what my mother wants now.

I open the door to reveal an angry step brother. He pushes open the door and storms into my room. "What the hell was that tonight?"

"You have some nerve to say that to me. You fucked me this morning, but failed to mention you were bringing your girlfriend home. Does she know that you fuck me everyday?" the venom shooting out of my mouth. I'm fuming, my vision is red, the steam is coming out of my ears, I'm so angry.

 _Hurt._

"Ana."

"I can't believe I trusted you. I gave myself to you and you've been playing me." A rush of tears pool in my eyes. Hot angry tears.

 _I trusted him._

"Ana?" he snaps at me. He's getting pissed, but I don't care.

"What?" I yell before shoving him in the chest. "What do you want Christian? Am I really nothing to you, but a hole to fuck. What keep your dick warm till Ashley fucks you later. Huh?" I shove him again.

He grabs my wrist and forcefully pins me against the wall. His body pressed hard to mine.

"Stop. Just stop. It's not what you think."

"Then what the fuck is it? As far as I can see you brought another girl home and flaunted your three month relationship in my face. I always knew I wouldn't be enough."

"Shut the fuck up for a minute, Ana." he says forcefully, grabbing my chin in his hand.

"How could you?"

"Just shut up and let me talk," he says calmer and releasing my chin. The tears that I have been holding in fall down my face.

"Baby, don't cry…" Using the pads of his thumb he wipes the tears from my cheek.

"How can I not? You're cheating on me."

"I'm not cheating on you. Ashley is just a distraction. My dad has been on my case, he doesn't understand why I stopped dating." He sighs and runs his hand down my cheek. "Dad, caught me staring at you one night. He brought up me having some dark twisted feelings for you. I denied it and said I had a girlfriend. Which means he wanted to meet her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. That was a dick move on my part and I'm really sorry."

"Yeah, you should've told me. You left me blinded and made me feel like an idiot. Thanks for that."

"Listen, Ashley is just a friend from high school. She's an actress. I asked if she would help me out. If they find out about us, we're both cooked. They'll forbid us to be together and your mom will probably send you away to some boarding school."

"Maybe it's a sign though?" I say softly my eyes dropping to the ground.

"A sign for what?" He snaps, raising my chin, although my eyes fail to focus on his.

"How are we going to work, Christian. Our relationship has an expiration date. We can never be together."

"You want to throw us away, just like that?" he says crestfallen.

"I don't. It's just….where do you expect us to be in five years, shit next year?"

"I see my life with you, Ana. I don't know how yet, but my life is with you. I love you."

My heart stops. Did he?

"I love you, Anastasia Steele."

My arms fling around his neck and I jump in his arms. He stumbles backwards at the impact, "I love you, too." I kiss him frantically, never wanting this moment to end. "I've been waiting forever for you to tell me…"

"Forever huh?" He carries me over to my bed and sits down with me in his lap.

"Four months seems like forever to me."

"I always loved you and cared about you. At first as my step sister, you were such a sweet young thing, beautiful and alluring. I knew instantly there was something special about you. Then, I fell for you, hard. I couldn't jerk off without picturing you. I tried to stay away, in the end I couldn't. "

"When did it change?" I ask, knowing it had to be before my birthday. I never taken the time to ask him

"About seven months ago. I walked in on you in the shower." His hand works its way up my shirt and he squeezes my bra covered breast. "You were so stunning. Your eyes were closed, your head tilted back, as the water cascaded down your body." I feel him grow under me and I can't help but move my ass over his hardened bulge. "You filled out, your breast were perky and I pictured myself sucking on those pink nipples of yours. I snuck out, went back to my room to masturbate. It was the hardest I ever came at the time. I wanted you, but figured I needed to stay away from you. Then when you kissed me on your birthday, I said fuck it and I conquered what I wanted."

"Conquered?" I raise an eyebrow at him, "Really?"

He lifts me up and lays me on the bed, his body over mine. "Our parents are asleep and I would like to show you again how I claimed and conquered this virginal land."

"You're a pig."

"Oink Oink, baby."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Two days later, I awake without Christian hovering over me. The ache between my legs will have to wait as I remember it's Sunday. Which means my mom and his dad are home. I might be the only teenager that hates the weekends, only because I can't have the man I love deep inside of me.

The smell of coffee and eggs waft through my room, perking me up. My stomach rumbles letting me know I'm starving.

 _That's odd my mom never cooks breakfast. It's usually her day to sleep in and I have to settle with cold cereal._

I slip on my favorite pair of fluffy rubber ducky shorts and a pale pink tank. I pick up my robe and carry it out with me. I'm hoping Christian is out there because I live to tease him with my outfits. It drives him up the wall when I walk around the house in the smallest of clothes. Right now, my nipples are erect, pressing to the thin fabric of my top, begging for Christian's mouth to latch around them.

I pad my way to the kitchen and I almost go into shock seeing Christian standing at the counter with a bowl and whisk in his hand.

 _I've never seen this man cook a day in his life. He burns toast for Pete's sake._

"What are you doing to that poor food?" I ask him.

He turns around and smirks at me. "I'm making you breakfast. Dad and Carla are out. So, I figured someone should feed you. I need to take care of my girl."

"But I don't want food poisoning today." I grin wickedly at him and his eyes darken.

 _Uh-oh I think I'm in trouble._

Christian puts the bowl down and marches over to me, grabbing me by my waist. "What have I told you about that smart mouth?" He growls.

"That instead of making smart comments it would make better use servicing you?"

"What are you waiting for?" He pushes my shoulders down and I fall to my knees. I undo the button of his pants and unzip his zipper. He's commando and his erection springs to life out of his pants. "And don't think I don't know that you're parading around in almost nothing to get to my attention." I smirk. "Pull those straps down, I want to see those succulent tits of yours as you suck me."

I move my straps down and my shirt falls around my waist. I take his cock in my hand and lick the tip. I hum my delight at the taste of his salty pre cum.

 _He always taste amazing._

"Be my good girl and fuck me with that delectable mouth of yours."

I wrap my lips around him and take teasing small sucks around his head, each time making a popping noise when he comes out of my mouth. He growls his disapproval at my action. "Ana…"

"What?" I look up at him and bat my eyes.

"That's not how I showed you…"

"I'm sorry, I was just enjoying my lolly."

"Enjoy it down your throat baby. It tastes better that way." He makes a makeshift ponytail with my hair and when my mouth wraps around him again, he pushes my head down roughly, making me take him all the way back in my throat. I gag slightly at the force of the impact and my eyes water.

"I love that sound…" he mutters as he continues to control my moments of my head. My hands brace around his legs as he wildly moves me back and forth.

He hisses when I stick my nails into his skin in the back of his legs. That's my signal for him to release me and let me take over the movements.

 _I could spend hours just licking and sucking this man, even after my jaw starts to hurt._

"God, Ana…" He moans as I nip the base of his cock with my teeth. The move sets off his orgasm and I swallow his hot stream of come. "I fucking love you, baby."

I go to suck him dry when the front door slams shut causing me to rush to my feet. I fix my shirt and wipe my lips as Christian zips up his pants. He picks up the mixing bowl he deserted and goes back to whisking his eggs.

Carrick walks past us to his bedroom as my mom enters the kitchen. Concern washes over her face, "Ana, you look flushed honey. Are you still not feeling well?" She walks up to me and puts her hand on my forehead.

"I'm fine mom. My brother here has been taking _really_ good care of me." I look over at Christian and smirk. "He thought a good source of protein would help gain my strength back."

Christian's face heats up and he turns away from me. I know he's trying to contain his laughter as his shoulders shake up and down.

"He might be right, you have seemed a little weak lately."

 _If only you knew why mother._

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

I'm pacing in my bedroom back and forth, my heart is hammering in my chest, I'm close to passing out. Ever since we confessed our love to each other two months ago, everything has been perfect.

 _Or so I thought._

I texted Christian to meet me in my room when he got home from work and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to tell him my news.

I collapse on my bed, my mind exhausted from the racing thoughts. Grabbing my pillow I place it over my head and let out a scream. The bed dips and a strong arm removes the pillow from my face.

"When you asked me to come in here, I wasn't expect to see you trying to suffocate yourself with a pillow." Christian chuckles throwing the pillow aside. "What's wrong?"

I sigh heavily as his thumb rubs along my cheek, "I don't know how to tell you."

"Just tell me."

"Can you bring me my backpack," I ask him. He gives me a strange look before getting up and picking up my backpack off my desk.

I sit myself up, my hands shaky from my nerves. Every step he takes closer to me my heart rate increases. He sits my backpack to me and I reach into my front pocket.

"Babe, you're shaking. What's going on?" Christian asks nervously.

Out of the pocket I pull out the sonogram I had done today and hand it to him. He looks at the gray and black picture, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"What is this?"

"That would be our baby."

Time stands still as he gasps at the picture in his hand. "Wh-?" he shakes his head vigorously in a state of disbelief. "That's a baby? That doesn't look like a baby."

"Well, according to my OB it is. I went in thinking of trying a new birth control. I mentioned that I missed a period and thought maybe it was the pill. She did a pregnancy test, just to rule out the possibility, when it came back positive she wanted to do an ultrasound to see how far along I was. She thinks I'm about six to seven weeks. I'll need to go back in four weeks"

"Holy crap. You're pregnant."

"That I am." I say softly, looking away, fearing this could go all wrong.

"Come here…"

I look up at him and his arms are open, his hand waving for me to come to him. I jump off the bed and into his waiting arms. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I nuzzle my head into his chest.

"I love you." I mumble into his chest inhaling his scent, saw dust and ax body spray.

"I love you, too. It'll be fine."

"I wish I had your confidence." I glance up at him, trying to get a good read on him. He gives me his panty dropping smile.

"It's a lot to take in, but we're having a baby. I'm happy about this. I always pictured you having my kids. Not this soon, but one day."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. The thought of my seed making you round with child. Everyone knowing your mine. Yeah, it does things to me," leaning down he gives me a kiss, our tongues dance together and his right hand grabs my ass hard.

 _I want him. I want him badly._

My hands play with his belt, but before I can unhook it, he backs away from me. "We can't. Your mom is home."

"So what? I'll lock my door and promise to be quiet, please. I want your cock inside of me." I say lustfully and run my hand over his growing bulge. "You want me too. I can feel it."

"I always want you, baby. Trust me, I picture you bent over your desk right now, ramming myself hard into you, and making you quiver as you come around me."

I squeeze my legs together. His words alone are enough to make me come. "Do it." I push. "I need you."

I can see his control start to slip and I know he's at war with himself. "You don't play fair, Anastasia." there's no denying the desire in his voice.

 _I'm going to win this._

I take the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. "I learned how to play the game from you." I push my hands through his hair and pull hard, "Fuck me."

*knock knock* "Ana?" My mother's voice comes from the other side. Christian darts off so fast leaving a gust of wind in his path.

I pick up my shirt and pull it over me, before answering the door, "Yeah?" I leave the door cracked.

"Hey sweetie, I was going to bake some cookies and wanted to see if you would help. I'm making your favorite, sugar."

"Oh, well. I was just going to take a shower. I can help you after?" I offer, hoping she'll take the bait and leave me alone.

"Alright, don't take too long or you won't be able to eat the batter."

"Yes ma'am. I'll be out shortly." My mother smile before turning on heel and walking back down the hallway. I close the door and lock it, sighing in relief.

 _That was close._

"Christian?" I walk to the bathroom, knowing that's where he went. I hear the shower turn on and smile. He's standing in front of the shower stall naked as the day her was born.

 _The butterflies in my stomach flutter knowing I made a baby with this man._

"Get in. I'm going to fuck you and then you are going to make me some cookies."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

I'm stirred awake by arms wrapping around me, I instantly know it's Christian and relax into his hold. He kisses my bare shoulder and his fingers trace over my flat belly.

"I'm scared." I say my voice thick with sleep.

"I am too, but it will be alright. I promise." He pulls me closer to him. "Get some sleep. You need the rest for the baby."

I find myself comforted by Christian's hand on securely on my belly and drift off to sleep.

The sun peeks through my window, my body is hot from the vine called Christian that is wrapped around me. I turn my head to see his sleeping face and peck a kiss on his lips.

My lips on his wake him and he gives me a cheeky smile. His hand moves up my stomach and he squeezes my left breast. "These are bigger. I wonder how I didn't notice."

"I like sleeping next to you…" I say softly. We've only slept together at night a handful of times, each time is new and exciting.

"I like it too. It means I don't have to sneak in here in the mornings to have my daily dose of fucking you."

 _Oh, he's such the romantic…_

His hand moves back to my core and traces over my folds, "You're so wet for me, baby."

"Always," I pant. I'm dying to feel him inside of me.

Christian rolls me on my back, his elbows placed on each side of my head, as he sinks into me. "This is home…so warm and so fucking tight. I wish my dick never had to leave." He slowly works in and out of me as his lips suck on my neck.

"Faster, please." I beg him. "Fuck me hard."

"I love it when you tell me what you want…." Christian slams into me hard and I let out a satisfying cry.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" My mother's voice bellows off the walls of my room. Christian roughly moves out of me, causing me to wince. Christian takes the blanket and wraps us both up in it.

 _She's supposed to be at work_

"Don't you knock." I snip.

"I don't have to knock in my own house." She barks at me. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She points her finger at Christian. "She's your sister" Carla shrieks.

"Step-sister." Christian growls.

"Minor detail, not to mention she's sixteen! You couldn't find a girl your age? What about Ashley?"

"Mom, can't you let us get dressed." I say calmly. Hoping she'll leave us alone for a second.

"No, I'm not leaving you two alone." She shouts again.

I guess all the shouting has grabbed Carrick's attention. He walks into my room and stops dead in his tracks at the site of his son and me, naked in my bed. His eyes are wide as they dart between the both of us.

 _Yep, your step daughter is fucking your son. Want a picture? It might last longer._

"Please tell me this isn't what I think this is?"

"Well, it is Carrick. Your pervert son is screwing my daughter."

"He's not a pervert. I wanted it." I snap. "We love each other."

"YOU LOVE EACH OTHER?" Her voice crack at the sheer volume of her screeching.

"Yes, we love each other. I love Ana with all my heart." Christian states firmly, putting his arm around me.

I think my mother is about to have a heart attack.

Carrick is glaring at us. "I should've never let you come back here. You're nothing but a disgrace, always messing shit up." He roars at Christian, stepping closer to us.

"Dad!" His voice cracks, I'm sure hurt by his father's words.

I know the two never had the closest relationship, but that's fucking rough.

"She's a child Christian! You're a grown man who I thought I raised better than that. I want you to get the hell out of my house." Carrick bellows. However, Christian doesn't move from my side.

"I said get the hell out!" He storms over, grabbing Christian roughly by his arm and hauling him off the bed.

Still holding on to Christian's arm he shoves him out of my bedroom door. "I want you to get your shit and get out. Let your mother deal with you now."

"No." I shout. "Christian!"

Christian turns back to me and mouths 'I love you,' before his dad finishes shoving him down the hall.

"Let me at least say goodbye- Please." I beg through my tears.

"No." My mother growls. She actually fucking growls at me. "You're never seeing him again and I'll do everything in my power to ensure that it happens."

"I love him. You can't do this."

"You love him? You are too young to know what love is. He's twenty years old, Anastasia. He's just having fun with you. Using you. You're nothing but a plaything."

"That's not true." I yell . "He loves me too. Please you can't do this. We're only three and half years apart. It's not that big of a deal." The tears are pouring down my cheeks. I can't breathe. I move to get up but my mother pushes me down.

I hear Christian and Carrick shouting at each other across the hall in his room.

" _All you've ever done is fuck up everything. I let you stay here thinking you wanted to work with me, learn the family business and, grow up, but really all you wanted to do was take advantage of my stepdaughter."_

" _It's not like that! I love her." Christian says forcefully._

" _She's sixteen! I knew I should've never listened to your mother and I should've sent you to that boarding school. God knows you needed straightened out. Always fighting and you mother always fucking coddled you. Your part of the reason we broke up. She didn't have a backbone when it came to you."_

" _SHUT UP!" he screams._

" _Your ass should be in school, that way you wouldn't be fucking children. You're to never be around her or us again. You hear me. GET the fuck out of my house and never come back."_

There's a loud bang, I'm sure Christian sent something flying across the room. I try to get up again and my mom holds me back down.

"SIT DOWN!"

"Mom, he can't talk to him like that-Christian needs me."

"He doesn't need you. He's a grown man. He's lucky he's only getting kicked out. He's always been a disappointment to his father."

"Don't say that about him. He's perfect, you don't know him."

"And you do?" My mom shakes her head disgusted. "I didn't think I could have ever been ashamed of you. However, in this moment you're a disappointment to me."

"Why can't you understand that I love him. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I didn't think I raised you to be so stupid and naive Anastasia. If I remember right, he had a girlfriend."

"That was all a lie. Didn't want you guys to expect anything."

"Right there young lady proves to me how wrong your thinking is. You know if you had to hide this it's not right. I mean your brother."

"HE'S NOT MY BROTHER!" I scream so loud I think the house is shaking. "We didn't grow up together. If you want anyone to blame it would be YOU for leaving Ray and running off with Carrick."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that."

"How else do you want me too?" I say through my shaky breath, "You're keeping me away from the person that I love."

"You'll get over it. As long as you're in my house you will not go anywhere near that boy. If I see him around you I'll have him arrested."

"You can't do this!" I shirk. "Please…" I'm begging now.

I hear the front door slam and I watch out my window Christian storm off towards his car with a bag over his shoulder.

"Seems also he didn't fight that hard for you. You'll thank me one day Ana."

"I'll never thank you. I hate you."

"He's gone!" Carrick says coming into my room.

"Why don't you get your pervy husband out of my room. I am still naked you know?" I yell.

 _She wanted to play the pervert card, well so can I._

Carrick is wise and turns out of the room. "You're grounded. You will not be leaving this house till the end of time at this point."

"Not that I have a reason anymore, anyways."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Two days go by and I haven't heard anything from Christian. My mom and Carrick won't talk to me, hell they won't even look at me. I've been on locked down in this house since.

It's not like we're blood related. Why can't they just accept that we fell in love.

I run my hand over my still flat belly. I smile knowing that I have a life growing inside of me. I'm having a baby, Christian's baby. They're going to have a heart attack once they figure it out.

 _Maybe they could let us be together then?_

 _Yeah, keep dreaming Steele._

I try to fall asleep but it's useless. I miss Christian and I would do anything to have him close to me again.

Since my mother took my cell phone I only wonder if he's tried to call or text me.

I stare at my clock on my nightstand. The red numbers taunt me. One. Zero. Four.

Another minute goes by and I'm still awake, my thoughts all over the place.

 _I just want to sleep._

I'm startled when there's a loud knock on my window. Rolling over I turn and see Christian peering in my window. Clamoring out of my bed I rush to the window, I don't think I've ever moved so fast.

I open it and Christian comes tumbling in. Thank goodness, my room is on the ground floor.

"Christian," I whisper yell when he wraps me in his arms. "I've missed you." I kiss him hard. I have missed the taste and the feeling of his soft lips to mine.

"I've missed you, too." He says ever so softly against my lips before capturing them again in a searing kiss. I moan out loudly which makes him move back from me.

"Shh…We can't let them hear us. I'm taking you and our baby out of here. Pack a bag, quickly."

"Wait.. what?" I say in a state of disbelief.

"We're getting married...then we are leaving the country." He says firmly as he makes his way to my closet to grab my duffle bag.

"Christian how? I'm sixteen we can't get married without permission."

"Oh, yes we can. In Maryland we can get married because you're pregnant. Plus my mom is going to help us out, she knows people. Don't worry I have it all figured out. Grab what you can and your passport." He's throwing clothes in my bag and I still stand here in shock.

"Christian….we just can't leave the country. What about money? Where would we live?"

"I have a trust from my grandfather. I cashed out what I could. It'll be enough to start our lives together. Plus, they can't do anything once we're married."

"Well, maybe I don't want to marry you. That isn't how a lady should be asked you know." I cross my arms across my chest and he stops packing my bag. He stomps over to me and puts his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me to him, kissing me roughly.

 _My knees go weak from the force of his kiss. I always loved his take charge attitude._

He breaks away from me, resting his forehead on mine. His gray eyes boring into my aqua blues, "Ana get your ass packed and I promise to ask you again. I'll blow you out of the water with a proper proposal, but you need to get a move on."

"Yes, Sir." I purr. He grabs a handful of my ass, his promise to me that he's going to show me who's boss later. I can feel the moisture pool between my legs knowing he's going to be rough and fast as soon as we get alone.

 _Maybe a full honeymoon of him fucking me hard and being officially his._

I quickly finish packing my bag, grabbing everything I can that means everything to me. All Christian's gifts, notes, my journal, pictures, and my favorite stuffed animal, I plan to give to my child.

"Come on babe, we have to go."

He takes my hand and helps me out of the window. Crossing the lawn, I look back at the house I lived for the last two and half years, where our story started, knowing that this might be the last time I see it, as my new life begins.

 **A/N: for those who like facts… In Maryland** **If you are under 18, pregnant or have a child, and show a certificate from a licensed physician stating you are pregnant or have had a child, the parental consent requirement may be waived- The more you know:)**


	5. Entry 4

.

 **Cops and Robbers** _ **:**_

 _ **Christian/Anastasia  
**_ _ **Forbidden Love: Criminal/Law Enforcement**_

* * *

 **Christian**

I'm sitting at the breakfast counter in my two bedroom apartment having my morning coffee waiting for my love to wake up and join me. We had a long and strenuous night together after being apart for several days. My line of work can take me away for days on end and depending on how rough it is, it can take up to months at a time.

Hearing the sink water running in the bathroom I know that she has stirred. I pick up the morning paper that was delivered to my door and right on the front page is the reminder that I didn't want in my face.

 **Seattle Times**

 **Written By: Kathrine Kavanagh**

 **~Another Loomis Truck Robbery Gone Unsolved~**

 _This now makes the total to five robberies in a matter of three months under the watchful eye of Police Chief Jason Taylor. We are now reaching the millions of dollars being stolen from the trucks. The citizens are starting to wonder if he is the right man in charge of their safety after another unsolved case goes cold…._

Ugh! Can't these vultures write anything useful or maybe how the police took down a human trafficking ring last week and saved over a hundred boys and girls? No, they want to write about all the things the police haven't done yet and make it seem as though they are incompetent assholes who spend most of their days eating donuts, drinking coffee or worse, golf all day.

I feel a pair of hands rub up against my back and make their way over my shoulders and down my chest. Mmm, now this is what I like about having her stay over. The constant touching and connection we have is out of this world!

"Good morning stranger, but I must warn you that I have a girlfriend and she would not be pleased to know that you are fondling her man."

"Hmm, is that so? Well, maybe she would like to join us the next time." She jokes but the thought of sharing my girlfriend doesn't sit right with me.

"Fat chance of that ever happening." I say and swing my body around so that she is between my legs with our chests now touching. "Did you sleep well, baby?"

"Considering that we only just headed to bed three hours ago, I'm going with… no. I got a call from Franco and am needed at the salon or I would still be in bed." She huffs. "Why are you up so early? I thought you had the day off from the office?"

She steals my coffee and takes a sip before placing it back on the countertop.

"I am but you were hogging the bed and pushed me out onto the floor. By the time I realized what had happened you were sleeping diagonal leaving me no room." I say deadpan staring into her sapphire blue eyes.

She bites her bottom lip because she knows that even though I'm joking this time it has happened before in the two months that we have been dating.

"Sorry." She interjects shyly which makes me laugh.

I lean in and capture her plump pink lips to mine and pull her closer to me.

Ana and I have been together after bumping into each other at a bar two months ago. I was there to celebrate my co-worker's engagement to some wench who writes romance novels for a living. She writes smut for a living and my co-worker, Luke, is the first relationship that she has ever had. How can you write about being in love and doing all those slutty things if you've never experienced it before? Whatever! Anyways, I was getting a pitcher of beer and bumped into Ana spilling it all down the front of her shirt and skirt.

 _~Flashback~_

" _I'm so sorry Miss. Here let me help with that." I grab for some napkins and start to dab the front of her shirt but it is no use she is soaked through._

" _Well, if you are wanting to get a girls attention then this is definitely a way to go about doing it." She states and gazes up at me and I think the world freezes to a stop._

 _The most beautiful set of eyes are observing me and she is grinning, showing me her perfectly white smile. God help me! She comes up to my pecks and that is with her heels on. She is a tiny thing and I wish I could put her in my pocket to keep._

" _I wasn't…I mean sure…what?" What the fuck is wrong with me. My brain to mouth function is breaking down on me and I sound like a bumbling idiot!_

 _She giggles and that is another reason I need to keep her. That sound alone could make me the happiest man alive, if only I could hear it every day for the rest of my life._

 _Taking a deep breath I finally calm down and clear my throat along with my thoughts before she turns and runs for the hills at my weird behavior._

" _I have a change of clothes in my car. Please let me make this up to you."_

" _Already trying to get me naked. I at least need to know your name before we start dropping our clothing don't you think?" She mocks and tries to act shocked at my statement. She is something else and it's a bit refreshing._

 _Feeling brave and finally have my senses back I lean in, "Don't worry baby before the nights out you will not only remember but be screaming my name."_

 _I watch as a soft pink blush skims across her cheeks and know that I have her. She quickly turns on her heels and walks back over to a group of girls who are at a booth in the corner of the bar and talks to them for a few minutes. Just when I'm thinking that she didn't like my boldness and gesture, she gathers up her purse and walks back in my direction._

 _Sighing in relief I reach for her hand and guide her out of the bar._

" _I hope your bedroom is soundproof because I can get pretty loud and would hate for your neighbors to call the cops for disturbing the peace!" She says cheeky as we reach my truck._

" _I don't think you'll have to worry about the cops, baby."_

 _~Flashback Over~_

The rest as they say is history and we haven't looked back since.

I hear my phone buzz and know that it's work but refuse to detach from Ana. I move my hands from the small of her back to under my tee shirt that she's wearing. A groan escapes me when I feel that she is completely naked under it. The only thing separating us is the thin fabric of my boxers and as she palms my dick the buzzing continues on my phone and I know that something huge is going down at work. Reluctantly, I pull away and reach for my phone next to my now cold coffee. I see the text from Luke telling me that we need to meet at the office for a meeting in one hour.

"Is it work?" Ana asks.

"Yeah, I need to go in for a few hours apparently. Maybe we can meet up for lunch after we both are done?" I say.

"Sure, just call or text when you're done. Let's go shower and finish what was interrupted."

"My, my Miss Steele did you not get enough last night to hold you over until later?"

"I can never get enough of you but if you need a break I can manage all on my own."

With that she walks out towards the hallway and then throws her shirt, well my shirt, at me strutting naked back to my room. Not wasting any time I sprint after her only to throw her over my shoulder and head to the shower to finish what we started.

Sitting in the conference room on the fourth floor in a building downtown, everyone starts to file in grumbling as today was supposed to be our much-needed day off. We just got done being gone from our loved ones for several days and now we are needed to be back in. I wonder what could have gone down between yesterday afternoon and this morning?

Jason Taylor, who is the current Chief of Police, walks in along with our Supervisor Fred Welch. We are a handpicked group of elite police officers from SWAT, DEA, NARC and ICE. I came from the DEA and was the top candidate in my class at the academy. When something negative happens in or around our city they call us in to handle things quietly. We go underground where most officers aren't allowed. There are a total of eight men who are on our team and have been together for the last two years.

Because of what we do and needing to be invisible we all hold the title of being insurance claim adjusters. The entire fourth floor is dedicated to insurance claims for a real company but we use half of the offices for meetings and a cover, so that we are able to be ghosts to track down and be anonymous when bringing the bad guys down. The fear of retaliation against our families is too high in some cases.

"Alright, ya'll settle down. We have some things to cover before I need to be across town to get my ass chewed for another truck being knocked off." Jason chides and throw down folders on the table.

Welch passes us each a folder and it contain every piece of information they have of the Loomis truck robberies. The packet is pretty light and only faint pictures show a group of five persons dressed in black. Faces are covered and so is any part of their skin. It views to be three males and possibly two females but because the pictures are grainy and far away we really can't tell.

"We have finally got Loomis on board with giving us their routes and have an unmarked car following them at a safe distance." Welch states.

"Why now and not three robberies ago?" Luke asks not peeking up from the paperwork.

"I guess it has something to do with losing over 3 million dollars now." Welch shrugs.

"Someone has to be cleaning this money for them. Don't we have a list of people who we watch who launder money?" I speak up.

"Whoever they are using isn't local or even in the state for that matter." Jason Taylor berates and drinks his coffee. "These guys are smart and have this completely mapped out. They are in and out before the cops get there and then they leave no trace of ever being there. Yes we have a few partial prints from the ones over a year ago but we aren't sure if this is the same crew. The mastermind behind this is smart and knows the ins and outs of Loomis and the procedures of the police department."

"Could it be an inside job? Either from Loomis or in your department?" Reynolds asks. He came from SWAT and is a beast of a man. Standing at six foot three he weighs an easy two-forty of pure muscle.

"We've thought of that and are looking into it. This is why we have selected your team to check into this. Go as deep as you need and get us some intel or anything for that matter." Jason demands and then stands. "I have a meeting with the Mayor to smooth things over and show that we aren't incompetent as the papers make us out to be."

With that he leaves and we all start to strategize our theories and approach. Two hours and three Advil's later we are calling it and trying to salvage what is left of our day off. I've tried calling Ana several times but was taken straight to voicemail.

Driving over to her salon, Esclava, I park out in the back and see Ana and a man arguing by the back door. Approaching slowly so that I can assess the situation before I break this fucker's neck, I hear some of their conversation.

"…I just told you no and that is it, Ethan! I'm out and you need to stay away from me and leave me alone." Ana states and blocks his attempt to grab her upper arm.

"This isn't over and you know that." This Ethan guy sneers.

I accidently kick something making a loud noise and they both whip their heads in my direction.

"What's going on here?" I ask and come stand next to Ana putting an arm around her.

Ethan backs off a few steps. "Nothing, we were just catching up. Isn't that right, Banana?"

Ana doesn't say anything but continues to stare daggers at Ethan.

"I think it's best for you to beat it, bud." I motion with my thumb and point to the parking lot.

"Sure, see you around Banana." Ethan mocks and then walks off.

Once he leaves I feel her shoulders relax and Ana buries her face into my chest.

"Who was that?"

"Someone from my past, that I want kept there."

I can see her shutting down on me and that's the last thing that I want. I know a tiny bit about her past and it wasn't glamorous from the little that she has shared.

"Ready for some lunch, baby?" I change the subject.

"Starving!"

The mood immediately changes and we are back to Christian and Ana again. She walks in to grab her purse and tells Franco bye and we head out to her favorite Italian restaurant. After lunch we catch a movie and then head back to my place to relax for the rest of the day. My apartment has the better pool so we lay out catching some rays and go for a dip.

Ana has the most amazing body and any reason to get her in something skimpy is an excellent day for me. The weather is inviting today so we take full advantage lounging around poolside and drinking beer.

After she's had a few in her I try to approach the earlier situation that happened.

"Baby, is Ethan someone who is going to be a problem for you?"

I can see her body go tense and she stops drinking from her beer. Her face is hidden behind her sunglasses and a huge sun hat so I can't read her very well.

"No, he was just passing through and saw me. He won't bother me anymore." She stresses but doesn't sound convincing.

"Tell me if I need to have a talk with him and I will."

"It's fine Christian, you worry too much." She brushes it off.

"Can you at least tell me how you know him?"

She lets out a long sigh and finishes off the rest of her beer.

"Remember I told you that I moved around a lot." I nod for her to continue. "Well, I met Ethan after one of my moves and he introduced me to his friends. We hung out every day after that. The group had an enormous blow up one night and we all ventured our separate ways. I moved up to Seattle and haven't seen him in a while."

"Okay. Please let me know if he continues to bother you."

"I will."

It's been two months since our group has been assigned to the 'Loomis Truck Robberies' and we have made a few improvements of getting closer to catching them. There have been only two attacks on the trucks since we started on the case but we know for sure that it's three males and two females involved. They must be getting sloppy and we've been able to place hidden cameras on all Loomis Trucks to record all activity.

Things with Ana and I couldn't be any better since we started dating four months ago. We've moved in together about a month ago and I've been on cloud nine since. Our department is having a 'Family Barbeque' next weekend so that the wives and kids can get to know one another. I've never brought up Ana with the guys on my team so no one knows much about her. We usually are all about work and don't really have time to chat about anything else. I've already told her about it and she seems intrigued about meeting the guys I work with in 'insurance'.

The last few evenings Ana has come home upset but says she's fine. I can tell by the way her eyes are red-rimmed that whatever it is, is making her cry. She won't tell me and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. I know that she keeps a lot to herself and I had hoped that since we share our life together now, that she would open up more.

This morning her alarm went off way earlier than normal and I groaned noticing that it was still dark outside. When I felt her silky soft lips around my dick, all thoughts of the time were thrown out the window. She worked me over good, deep throating me. It didn't take long before I was shooting my load down her pretty little throat. She has become such a wildcat in bed lately and I couldn't be happier. Wiping the side of her mouth she bounces off the bed and makes her way into the bathroom. Hearing the shower turn on, I give myself a few moments to catch my breath before hunting her down and returning the favor.

Everything with Ana is different. She gives me hope for a future. My family was killed in a drunk driving accident when I was seventeen years old. Both parents and older brother were killed on impact leaving me alone. Yeah, I had a huge insurance policy but I had no family. I was furious. Furious at the world but mostly furious at myself for surviving. I pushed everyone away. All my friends scattered not wanting to be around an angry guy who would only put a buzz kill on parties or could possibly make the girls go run screaming for the hills. So I became a loner, kept to myself.

The last week of high school the principal had the Police Chief come talk with our class about the Police Academy and joining their ranks. My family had been killed by a drunk driver and as the Chief spoke, something he stated lit a fire inside of me. I could make a difference in assuring that no other family would go through what I did. It was a long stretch knowing that people die every day in drunk driving accidents but if I could save just one happy family and keeping those drunk idiots off the streets then it would be worth it. After that, I had a new purpose in life and when I graduated High School I signed up immediately. I put everything I had into becoming the best cadet the Academy ever had and before long I was a part of the DEA's elite team for Seattle.

I threw myself into work and didn't have a social life. Deep down I knew it was because letting anyone in could have the possibility of them being taken from me. I couldn't risk that. Losing my family was the ultimate split of my heart and there was no way I could allow myself to go down that road again. But bumping into Ana that night at the bar opened me up to a new life. Being 32 and alone was depressing enough but she awoken something in me that night from touching her and I didn't want to let it go.

Walking into the shower I wrap my arms around her tiny waist, pressing my front to her back.

"Is there enough room for one more?" I ask

"Hmm, that depends." She turns in my arms.

"On what?"

"On if you can help clean me all up." I love the banter we have.

"I think that can be arranged. But first I think we need to dirty you up a little more." I say and press her up against the tile wall making her legs go around my waist. It's my turn to have my way with her.

After eating a large breakfast that Ana cooked which consisted of eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, fruit, and hash browns, I help her clean the kitchen. Ana hasn't stop touching me all morning and I can't help but think that something is going on with her. Not that I mind but she has been real clingy since she got up this morning.

"Is everything okay, baby?" I ask before I head out the door for work.

She engulfs me into a bone crushing hug and buries her face in the crook of my neck.

"I'll be fine. I just want you to know how much I love you. There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for you bumping into me at that bar. In such a short amount time you have become my everything. Please always remember that."

Her words sound so ominous, almost like she is saying goodbye.

"Baby…" I go to ask her what she means but she cuts me off with a soul sucking kiss making me almost forget my name and shoe size.

"Have a great day at work, dear." She urges and then shoos me out the door.

What just happened? Touching my lips in the elevator on the ride down to the garage I can't keep the smile off my face.

That woman is going to be the death of me. I need to get a ring on that finger sooner rather than later.

Work is the same as usual, looking for the five criminals. Later this afternoon we are meeting up with a guy who thinks that he might know one of the females involved. He gave us a tip two days ago and after a thorough check on the man named John Lincoln we decided to hear him out at an abandon lot outside of town.

I sent Ana a text letting her know that it was going to be a late night at the 'office' and to go ahead and eat without me. I'll make it up to her in bed when I get home. Hmm, the possibilities of what I can do to her are very distracting when trying to stare through a database. She doesn't respond right away so she must be busy with work.

Meeting up with John was very informative. He met this woman named 'Whip' at a club here in Seattle. They talked and then fucked in the hidden corner of the room. Exchanging numbers they did that several times over the course of last month and then her phone was cut off. One of the conversations they had after sex was about the Loomis Truck and how those guys made it seem so easy to knock off an armored truck. 'Whip' had mentioned that it was a lot harder than what people think. Planning something like that takes months to put into place.

At the time John didn't think too much about it but now he wanted to give any information that could help track them down. When asked for a description of 'Whip' he gave a general account. Tall long legged woman, short blonde bob, green eyes and has a small scar on her left shoulder. And the kicker was that she bragged about a tattoo that no one could see.

Riding back in the SUV with Luke, Reynolds and Liam we get a call from Welch.

"Hey, get your asses over to the interrogation building on the eastside. We had someone come forward who used to be with the group."

Luke who was driving flips a U in the street and hauls ass to our building on the dismal side of town. We use these rooms to press information to guys when we are close to our targets. It's secure and is set up just like a police station, where one room holds the person of interest and has a one-sided mirror that leads to the room where we record and the extra men are stationed.

Twenty minutes later we are pulling up and see several cars in the lot along with a few uniformed men. Walking in we are met with Jason and Welch who huddle us over to an empty room.

"Okay, so we have someone who came forward with an attorney. We need to be very gentle with this one. They know the ring leader but hasn't given up any names yet. They are waiting for the DA to come to terms with their immunity deal."

"Immunity. Fuck that, they should throw the book at this piece of shit. I hate it when they do this crap." I spout off.

"So why are we here if the DA is already involved?" Luke asks.

"We want you to listen when they start talking so that you will be able to take what is told and use it to find these assholes." Jason voices.

Just then the DA walks in with his team and is lead to the room where our perp is being held. While waiting I check my phone again and see that it's after eight in the evening and Ana still hasn't contacted me, which is strange. We talk or text several times a day. Walking down the hall I phone her instead of texting.

My phone rings twice then I hear the sound of 'Nice and Slow' by Usher starts to blow up in the room across from where I'm standing. It's the ringtone Ana has on her phone for when I call. That song was playing when we first made love that night after we left the bar.

Not being able to stop my legs I follow the song and open the door. What I find behind there sends a shock through my entire body. Welch is sitting in a chair watching through the one-sided mirror as the DA and his team talk with a man with white hair and an expensive suit. Next to him is someone who I've tried to reach all day. The love of my life. Ana. My Ana. We can hear everything that is being said but I can't make out what is actually being spoke. All my focus is on the petite brunette in a gray jogging suit with her hands clasped together listening as both the DA and her attorney hash out a deal.

What the fuck is going on? Why is she sitting there? How could she know anything about the robberies? My knees start to give out and I luckily grab the back of a chair to keep me from falling over.

"Shut the door Grey!" Welch commands to me.

I'm still in a dazed like state and walk out shutting it behind me. Letting my legs lead me to the front door and out to the curb I empty the contents of my stomach barely missing my shoes.

"There has to be a mistake." I say and then feel a hand on my shoulder.

"You alright, Grey?" Luke asks.

I nod not trusting my voice at the moment.

"Welch said they are done with the deal and are getting started with the details of the five perps. Are you coming? They're putting her into witness protection after this until the trial is over."

I shake my head. There is no way I can be in that room right now and hear her confession in front of my co-workers. They don't even know that she is my…girlfriend. Shit! How the fuck could I have not known that a criminal was under my roof for the last four months? Some kind of cop I am.

I watch him walk in and I plop down on the cement with my knees to my chest trying to recall every moment we've shared together. Has it all been a lie?

A few hours later I watch men come out of the building and leave in cars. The longer I sit there the angrier I get at her. At the situation and at myself. Jumping to my feet I waltz in heading past everyone and barge into the observing room. She is in the other room with only her attorney and they are talking. Walking over I turn the volume up to listen.

"You are a very lucky woman to be able to get a deal like this after what you confessed to. I recommend that you do everything that is asked of you so that you can walk away from this deal without wearing an orange jumpsuit and cuffs."

"Thank you for all your help Craig." She remarks and hugs him.

"I hope that boyfriend of yours understands what you did for him. This could've went in a completely different direction and you not seeing your freedom for the rest of your life was a close option." She nods as he gathers up the papers and stuffs them into his briefcase. "I'll go and find out where they are putting you up for a while so that I can check in on you from time to time until trial."

He walks out of the room and leaves her alone. Needed my own answers and not wanting to alert anyone of our relationship status I disable the sounding to the room and then make my way next door. A uniformed officer is standing outside of it and I give a nod before walking in.

Trying not to slam the door I fail terribly startling her.

"Christian? What…what are you doing here? How did they know who you…" She asks and makes to walk to me but I hold my hands up to stop her. I point to the chair for her to sit and I take a stand in the corner of the room that is out of the line of sight of the mirror.

"You will answer my questions and do it truthfully or so help me God I will make it to where you never see the light of day again."

I'm treating her just like any other perp with take in and question. She needs to tell me everything and needs to do it now.

"Who are you?" I snap at her making her jump in her chair. I've never taken a tone other than loving towards her and I know that my narrow eyes are and facial expression is show how much I despise her right now.

"I…I'm…"

"Don't lie to me!" I boom. After a few moments she clears her throat.

"My name is Anastasia Rose Lambert. I'm twenty-three years old and was born in Savannah, Georgia."

"How are you mixed up in all this?"

"I grew up in the foster care system from the age of five. My mother dropped me off and left me at a fire station and never came back. For years I bounced from one foster home to the next until I was twelve and stayed with the Steele's. Ray and Carla were the best thing to ever happen to me. They wanted to adopt me but Carla had an affair with a neighbor and they got divorced which means that I was sent to another home. House after house I was getting beat and abused by the foster dads and the last one when I was sixteen tried to rape me so I ran away. I lived on the streets and under bridges for months, stealing food so that I wouldn't go hungry. One day I ran into Ethan and he offered me a roof over my head and food in my belly. I met his friends and we became a little family."

She blows out a long sigh like she is preparing for something unpleasant.

"Ethan wanted us to start knocking off stores or stealing electronics from homes but I refused. Yeah, I stole but that was so I didn't starve. He kicked me out at one point during the winter months and I came back a week later frozen and hungry. We were living in Colorado at the time and I didn't even know anyone, I was petrified and they were the only family I knew. So I helped them steal some items. I didn't go every time but I trudged when he was forceful. The last 'job' I did was knocking off an armored truck right before I turned eighteen. I was the getaway driver."

Jesus, you always hear about teens living on the streets and how the foster care system is a piece of shit. She was a thief, a common criminal.

"When I turned nineteen I had enough money saved from doing odd jobs and bought a bus ticket for the West Coast. I started in California and finally made it up to Seattle where I've lived here for the last three years. I found a shelter when I first got here and the lovely woman who worked there, Andrea, helped me get a GED and my first job. She is also the one who helped me change my name to Ana Steele so that I couldn't be found by Ethan or his crew. I'm now or was the manager of Esclava Salons for the last year or so and met you four months ago. I've tried to rectify all the wrongs that I've done. It's just taking me longer to do it." She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and then continues.

"I hadn't seen Ethan or his crew since I was nineteen until two months ago when he showed up at Esclava wanting me to help out with another job hitting Loomis. I turned him down and then you walked up. He has been hounding me this past week and threatening me if I didn't help."

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you." I seethe.

"You were the only positive thing that I've ever had in my life and if you found out what a horrible person I was all those years ago you'd left. I've never had anything stable in my life and I couldn't risk it. I thought that Ethan would eventually leave me alone and move on but this last week he really started to become forceful and after finding out yesterday…"

The door opens and it pushes against me. In walks Welch and Jason.

"What the fuck are you doing in here Grey? You can't be in here without a partner." Jason informs.

"Partner? As in cop?" She peers back and forth between me and Jason. "But I thought you were in…" her voice trails off and I can see the confusion on her face.

"Honey, this man is the best DEA agent that the city has to offer for the last ten years." Jason boast and I should be ecstatic that he is bragging on me but I don't at the moment. Jason doesn't know that we know each other and that he just made this situation even more complicated. There's no way that he can find out that I have a relationship for a criminal.

I watch as Ana folds her arms on the table and lays her head face down on them. I can see her shoulders shaking and know that she's crying. I want to so badly comfort her but I can't. I can't let anyone know that we are or were together. Damn it! This is a career ender if word got out. Also, it could taint the case with me working on it.

I walk out of the room and down the hall to where all of the other men are waiting.

"Man, did you see her? I hope I get the chance to stand guard at the safe house. That chick is hot!" I hear an officer talking to the others in the corner. My blood is boiling, how dare he speak about my girl that way.

"Hey, dipshit! Why don't you worry about your job and not your next cum slut? We're here to do a job and she is just as much a criminal as the rest of them!" I say loud enough to echo off the walls.

Everyone's back gets a little straighter and as I turn I see Jason, Welch and Ana standing there. She has unshed tears in her eyes. I step to her but she steps back recoiling from me and puts a hand to her stomach like she might be sick.

"Pierce, Smith and Johnson take Miss Steele to the safe house and guard her. I will be in touch with the rotation later in the morning." Welch snaps.

The three of them lead Ana out and I stand there watching as what I thought was my future walks away from me.

Two weeks have gone by and I haven't slept more than four hours at a time. I can't stand that she kept things from me and it makes me wonder what else she hasn't told me. Everywhere I view in my apartment I see her. Her pillow still has a faint smell of her. I miss her so much it hurts but I also can't stand the thought of her too. I keep hearing her tell me this miserable story replaying in my head. I destroyed the apartment when I returned home that night and I haven't brought myself to clean it up except for the glass that I shattered.

We had Barney our computer genius do a background on Anastasia Rose Lambert and from what he was able to find she did bounce around foster homes. From her sealed medical records she visited multiple hospitals for an undisclosed number of injuries to her body.

We are so close to cornering Ethan and his crew that I can almost taste it. They've left Seattle but are still somewhere in the state of Washington. From the information Ana told us there is Ethan Klein, Jose Rodriguez, Jack Hyde, Elena Jones and another female that she doesn't know. She also told us the type of patterns they use when scoping out a target. Ana also, confirmed that they do share hidden tattoos. When you place a black light up to it, it glows and shows the picture. They all share a pair of dice equaling seven at the nape of their necks. Relief washed over me when they mention that Ana didn't sport any ink to mar her perfect body when the police checked her.

I recently read a report that Pierce wrote about his detail with Ana and he mentioned her being sick and having to call a doctor out to the safe house. I want so to make a few calls and find out if she is okay but I shut it down immediately. I have a job to do and nothing is going to get in the way of that. I'll deal with her and her lies after the rest of the criminals are caught.

It's now Friday and we just got a tip that there was a spotting by one of the local departments out of Tacoma of a possible sighting of Ethan and his crew. We load up in the SUV's and head south to see if it is our guys.

Pulling up to the Park Towers we meet with the local PD. They inform us that they are spread out in three different apartment on the top floor next to each other. Coordinating a plan we all head to the back of the building to go up the service elevator while the PD is making the five story hike up the stairs. Checking our gear, guns and masks to conceal our faces, we wait for the doors to open.

Making our way out of the elevators, we all go to our assigned doors and as Luke signals we all burst through the doors at the same time. Reynolds and I barge in and see two men take off in different directions of the apartment. We follow suit and I'm able to tackle my guy to the ground before he is able to leave the living room. In a matter of seconds I have him in zip ties and then hear the sound of a gun shot behind me. Making sure my guy is secure with both feet and hands tied I go in search of my partner. Walking down a hallway I push back the door slowly and see that Reynolds is standing over the other male who is bleeding from his leg.

"You okay, Reynolds?" I ask.

"Yeah, fucker tried to pull a gun on me." He points to the gun about ten feet away from them.

"Okay, let's call for the medic. Make sure you secure his hands." I say and see that his guy is Jack Hyde.

Walking out back to the living room I see the local PD is standing up my guy who I can now see is Ethan Klein and is walking him out of the apartment. From our earpieces Luke tells us to walk down to his apartment. Once the medics have collected Jack Hyde and the PD escort him out we walk down and into the other apartment where Luke is.

Inspecting around once we are in has us doing a double take. The place looks like one of our control centers. Building plans are pinned to the walls along with work schedules and routes. They have the entire manifest of every worker at Loomis and the breakdown of how the amour trucks are made and designed. From the other plans on the other side of the room, they were going to rob the biggest bank on the West Coast next.

Luke is just getting off the phone when we approach.

"That was Jason, he has confirmed that all five have been captured and the black lights show that they each sport the dice tattoo on the back of their necks. We got 'em."

"That's great!" Reynolds boasts. "I guess it paid off for that little hottie to come forward and confess her sins."

I cringe at the mention of Ana.

"Yeah, we would still be running around in circles if it hadn't been for her coming forward. We should all be thanking her." Luke challenges directly looking at me. Does he know that we were together? "Let's go and fill out our reports and then start some much needed time off since we've been working nonstop for the last two weeks."

We all nod and head back to our city to wrap up this case until it's time for trial.

 **Four months Later**

Finally after four months the last of the trials are finishing up and I just walked out and into a side room outside of the courtroom where I gave my testimony. Of course I was hidden to conceal my identity but a huge relief has been lifted from my shoulders.

All of the persons involved smartly plead out except for one. Ethan Klein. He thought that with the best attorneys he could walk. The trial is not going in his favor and I bet he wishes he took the same deal as the others. Jack Hyde, Jose Rodriguez, Elena Jones and Leila Williams all got fifteen to twenty years in a federal penitentiary with the possibility for parole after serving twelve. Ethan is looking at a minimal of twenty-five years if he loses.

Hearing the door open I see Luke walk in.

"Hey, how'd it go?"

"Good, I think." I say and he nods.

"Listen, I'm just going to say this and then never bringing it up again." He informs and then crosses his arms over his chest.

"I know that you and Ana are or were together. As soon as I saw her in that interrogation room I remembered her and you leaving from the bar at my engagement party. I'm not here to judge you but I think that you don't have all the facts about what Ana has done and I think that you need an ass kicking for not speaking with her. She has been through a lot in her short life and for you to drop her like that without hearing her out fully was pretty shitty."

I stand there stock still trying to not give anything away. What is he talking about? When did he become team Ana?

"What are you talking about?" I ask completely confused.

"I'm talking about her sacrificing herself for you. She was being blackmailed by Ethan to help them. He threatened that if she didn't help them with this big bank robbery that he was going to pin the last Loomis Truck on her boyfriend, gathering up and leaving your fingerprints at the next 'job' they did. She couldn't handle that, so she bolted to the police and tried to make a deal so that you were protected. She never mentioned your name to the police and wanted it to remain out of all the documents. She was a smart girl and recorded him threatening her."

My head is circling at this information. She did this to protect me?

"I…" words are lost on me right now.

"I just thought that you should know and that since you refuse any communication with her while she was under Witness Protection she gave me this letter to give you. Also, she would like, if you still have her things to be boxed up and I'll make sure they get to her. She says she's going to need some of it for when the baby comes."

He pulls out a letter from his jacket and hands it to me.

"Wait, did you just say baby? What the fuck?"

"Have you not been reading the reports I put on your desk about her? She has been sending letters to you every other week, you dipshit!"

I haven't peeked in those folders and have them in a desk draw untouched. The anger was still brewing inside and I didn't want to see or hear anything that had to do with her.

"She's a little over six months I think. Christ, Christian you have royally screwed this up."

Words fail me once again and I don't even remember leaving the courthouse or going back to my apartment. Our apartment.

Walking in a sit down on the couch and start to open the crushed letter that hasn't left my hand that she sent me.

 _Christian,_

 _By now I understand that you want nothing to do with me or our baby. I just hope that one day you will forgive me for the mistakes that I made when I was a child and didn't have any other choice but to try and survive in this world. I know that by not telling you of my past has ended everything and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being strong enough to believe that people are forgiving in this world and won't turn their backs on you for mistakes made prior to meeting them. In a way, you proved me right by the silent treatment you have placed on me. So thank you for showing me that the world is still cruel and unloving as ever. I have placed the most recent and last sonogram of our baby and hope that one day if our son knocks on your door you will not turn your back on him like you have done me._

 _There are some things that I need from the apartment and the rest you can donate to the homeless shelter on Fifth Street or you can toss it out. The black shoebox at the top of the closet on my side has some valuables that are precious to me and I need them. Also, I would like the white and light gray teddy bears that are on top of the dresser in the bedroom. Please box them up and someone will pick them up soon._

 _I wish you the best Christian and hope that one day you will meet the most perfect and unflawed woman._

 _Ana_

The letter falls from my hands and I bawl. I haven't done this since my families funeral. I lay flat on the floor next to the letter and curl into a ball and weep. The hours pass and I finally am at a place to sit up. Moving the letter I see the sonogram underneath and stare at it with such interest. A baby. My baby. My son! Standing, I gently place the letter and sonogram on the kitchen counter and make my way to the bedroom. I see the teddy bears and gather them up hugging them close to me. I won these for Ana at a carnival she drug me to after we had been dating for a month.

Making my way to the closet I see several shoeboxes but in the back I finally see the black one. Grabbing it I walk out and sit on the bed. Opening the top, I see several items in there. Mostly there are knick knacks but on the side I see a tethered notebook. Curious, I open it to explore what she could be journaling. The first couple of pages I don't understand what I'm looking at but when I get to the sixth or seventh page I know exactly what this is. She must have been keeping track of everything she had ever stolen and every store she ever stole from. She has the date, name and the amount that was taken. Most of the pages the list has been marked through and the word PAID is placed to the side of it along with the date it was fulfilled. The last five pages are still unmarked. Glancing back I see that the last payment she paid was a week before she turned herself in. Turning to the first page I see that she started paying all of these debts back when she started her job at Esclava three years ago. She still owes a few grand from what's left of her pages.

This woman has been paying for her crimes this whole time and I was the idiot who judged her and didn't let her explain. She has been trying to make amends for surviving as a child when our system failed her. I was too worried about what my reputation was going to look like being a cop. Being involved with a known criminal would've ruined my career.

Oh God what have I done! I was so outraged at her for not telling me and I'm the biggest hypocrite of them all. I didn't tell her about my job and I was pretty closed off as well. We both had secrets and was afraid to tell the other about it.

Pulling out my phone I dial Luke.

"Where is she?" I don't wait for pleasantries.

"I don't know Christian, but part of her immunity deal was that she had leave the state of Washington and never come back unless it had to do with the case and trial. She left yesterday from what I understand after her testimony."

Fuck!

"How are her things getting to her?"

"Witness Protection is handling all that and you know their lips are tightly sealed." Luke states.

"Okay, thanks Luke. I'll have her things ready for pick up tomorrow."

"I'll be there after lunch then."

With that he hangs up and I start to pack her things and anything else I can find that will fit into packing boxes. I hear the rain beating down on the windows and the thunder roaring in the background. It seems fitting as my mood plummets.

 **Two Years Later**

Walking through the front door of my house I place my keys in the bowl next to the door. I scan over the mail from the today's stack to see if there is anything new and interesting being sent. Not finding anything I toss it in the recycle bin, grab a beer from the fridge and walk out onto my back porch where the deck that views out onto the Pacific Ocean is displayed. I love my new house and the view it gives me. Off in the distance I see a family playing in the sand and think about how my life is different since I left Seattle and came to San Diego. Not a day goes by that I don't regret leaving the police force and moving away from everything that happened.

Now I work part-time as a security consultant for local businesses. I've put my parent's large insurance policy into use and decided that I was content with living in retirement until something else can along. I needed this time to think about what was really important in life and how to progress from here. The Police Department here is constantly beating down my door to join them but I can say that I don't have the desire that I use to.

Hearing the back door slide open I know who it is.

"Mr. Grey, home early again I see." She says with a towel over her shoulder. She has stains and dirt on her shirt and shorts. My guess is from cleaning up around here.

"Yes, I was done early and wanted to catch a few rays before the sun went down."

"Well, dinner won't be ready for another three hours."

"That's fine. I was hoping to take a walk on the beach before then anyways."

I reach for her hand and gently tug her down so that she is sitting on my lap.

"How was your day, Mrs. Grey?" I ask nuzzling her neck.

"Same as always." She lets out an exhausted sigh.

I place my hand on her now showing belly and can feel my daughter give a light kick. I will never tire of that. I never got to experience it with my first child and will always regret it. I have been so involved with this pregnancy that I think that my new wife of only six months is going to divorce me if I don't back off a little.

"Why don't you go and lay down for a bit and I'll handle the food." I offer but I think she already fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.

Picking her up I walk her in the house and place her on our bed covering her up. I sit on the end of the bed and watch her sleep. Nothing calms me more than to watch her sleep. Well, other than eating.

I think back at how I got here and feel the sadness of losing Ana all over again. Tears well in my eyes and I try not to let any of them fall.

It took me over two months to find out where she had gone after leaving Seattle. Trying to keep it a secret I enlisted the help of Barney our IT guy and paid him for his time off the clock. At first our leads started in Nevada, then Texas, Montana but finally he was able to track her down. When I raced to her, she was living here in San Diego near the beach. I stalked her for a week before I finally got up the nerve to approached her. She looked absolutely stunning in her sundress that hugged her pregnant belly. She was just coming out of a baby store and had a few bags in her hands. She wasn't even looking up and bumped right into me.

"Oh! I'm so sorry…" She starts and then sees that it's me. A small gasp leaves her.

"Ana…"

"What are you doing here, Christian?" I can hear the annoyance in her tone.

"You're a hard woman to find, you know that?" I say jokingly but it falls on deaf ears. "I've been searching for you for the last two months."

To say the conversation got better after that would be a lie. I started the groveling speech I had practiced but she stood there unmoving. I know I deserved every blazing glare and mute response from her. She definitely was going to make me work hard for this. After what felt like hours and as the sun was actually going down she walked around me, got in her car and drove away.

Day after day for two weeks I followed her around town. I was there for every door needing to be open and left my phone number on her windshield every day. Finally one night I saw her name pop up on my screen and my heart stopped.

"Ana."

"Christian, I'm in labor. Can you come and take me to the hospital?" I was already out the door when she called and jogged the two houses over where she was renting. It was just luck that when I was looking near her neighborhood to rent, that the house two doors down came available. I made sure she received flowers on her door step every day.

That night we welcomed our baby boy into the world. Camden Myles Grey weighed in at 8 lbs. and 4 oz. and twenty-one inches long. Ana let me be in the delivery room and cut the cord. Camden brought us together that night and from there we started a friendship that lead to dating then lead to living together. Finally, six months ago after a year and a half of being back together we married. She finally was worn down by my proposals and we wed after only being engaged for two weeks. We spent our wedding night at the hospital with Ana being sick and found out we were pregnant with baby number two!

I hear movement in the other room and know that Camden is up from his nap. I walk into his room and see him playing with blocks.

"Hey buddy let's go out and play in the sand while mommy sleeps."

We gather up his pail and shove and we walk off the deck onto the beach. We all love it here and I don't think that we will ever move, unless I keep Ana pregnant and we need a bigger house.

"There are my boys." Ana announces walking up to us after taking her power nap.

She leans down and kisses a sandy Camden and then comes over to my lap. I wrap my arms around her placing my hand on her belly.

"How was your nap, baby? Did Charlie let you sleep at all or did she keep you up?" I ask about our very active daughter, whose name is actually going to be Charlotte but we love Charlie as a nickname, who can't wait to meet us in a little over a month.

"Marvelous. She let me sleep mostly. I only had to get up twice to use the bathroom." She giggles.

I watch as the sunsets and I can't help but feel so thankful of how my life has turned out. Turning to Ana I place my hand on her cheek peering right into her beautiful sapphire eyes.

"Thank you Ana for loving me and giving me a family."

"Thank you for giving me the world, Christian."

We both lean in and our lips meet together. I knew from the first night we bumped into each other that this woman was going to change my life forever and I thank my lucky stars that I went to that bar that night. We are meant to be together forever and nothing was ever going to change that because our story all started when:

A cop fell in love with a criminal


	6. Entry 5

.

 **A Twist of Fate**

 _ **Christian/Anastasia  
Forbidden Love: Affair**_

* * *

I'm going to hell. I would even go so far as to say I'm living in hell. I have fallen in love with the woman carrying my child except she is not my wife; she's not the woman I'm married to but her best friend. If things had been different she probably would have been the one called Mrs Grey.

The funny thing is I met her first, years before I even met my wife but she disappeared on me without a trace.

Now I'm fucking screwed.

I can't sleep, and when I do I dream of her. I want to be around her all the time because she makes me feel alive and then the guilt sets in. I'm stressed, my anxiety is through the roof each and every time I see her trying to hide my feelings from anyone else who may be around us. My mother saw me the other day and commented on my appearance, telling me I look tired so I must look like shit for my mother to say something.

I'm on my way to see her now. I have finally decided that I'm going to do what makes me happy for once, consequences be damned. I know a lot of people are going to get hurt and be upset with me but this is my life and I won't live a lie anymore.

Perhaps I should start at the beginning so you can understand my story because I'm really not that terrible of a person.

I met her in a bar four years ago. She was alone playing a game of pool. I had been in Portland visiting the University earlier that day and went in to have a quick drink before heading back to the hotel when I got her attention.

 _I'm sitting at a small wooden table in the quiet bar, nursing my beer, watching the petite brunette with the fantastic ass in tight jeans lean over the pool table as she sinks in another ball._

 _As one of who I assume to be a regular customer left he yelled a goodnight to her._

" _Bye, Annie."_

" _See ya, Pete."_

 _I chuckle a little too loud and she hears me._

" _Excuse me?" She turns around with a raised brow._

" _Annie? Your name is Annie? It doesn't suit you, I would have thought your name would be something a lot fancier for such a pretty girl."_

 _She rolls her eyes at me making me sit up and take notice of their colour. A deep blue._

" _Really? Does that line even work for you? Just how many beers have you had?"_

 _I shrug in response._

" _Do you want to play a game?" She offers indicating the pool table._

" _Sure, why not." Not like I'm doing anything else._

 _I watch as she lines up the balls._

" _Let's make it interesting. If I win you loosen up, have some fun, take off that tie and suit jacket and you have to do whatever I want for the rest of the night, you probably never let yourself lose control do you?"_

" _And if I win?"_

" _Your choice." She winks at me._

Well she won but I think I still got the greatest prize in the end. I remember her stripping my jacket off me, removing my tie and messing up my hair all in a matter of seconds after placing her cue stick down. She then dragged me over to the bar for a lethal shot before telling me to follow her. There was something about her that was calling to me so I did. She took me to a God awful food truck because she was hungry, it was the worst hot dog I have ever eaten, I'm surprised I didn't end up in hospital from food poisoning. Even to this day I can recall its taste. She made me laugh that night and it felt good to let go and enjoy myself, act my age as my mother would say.

Three hours after leaving the bar we ended up back at my hotel room. It was the best night of my life. She was a goddess in bed, I lost count of how many times we had sex and she screamed out my name. However it wasn't just the memorable sex it was also the conversation, I felt like this girl saw me, the real me and she called me out on my bullshit. The next morning she was gone, and I had no luck finding her so I put her at the back of my mind as an enjoyable experience until she unexpectedly showed up again one day.

Three years later I married Katherine, well Kate for short. It's more a marriage of convenience but I do feel some sort of love and affection for her after all this time however I am not in love with her. Don't get me wrong she's an attractive woman but not the type who I thought I would end up with. Kate and I get along well enough and it helps having her on my arm at the business dinners and functions I need to attend. Back then GEH was growing and I wanted shares in Kavanagh Media, her father wanted someone to take his daughter off his hands and it got my mother off my back about settling down so it seemed like a good idea at the time. When her father first introduced us Kate was working for his newspaper as a junior journalist, then three months after our wedding she began helping my mother with various charities which was fine with me, it kept her busy. The only thing Kate ever requested from me besides my money to shop with was to one day have a child. I was getting more out of this than she was and put up with a lot of my shit and of course I wasn't opposed to the idea of having an heir to take over the company so I agreed. The sex between us isn't earth shattering or all that often, probably once a week but it's still good.

I had no idea who Kate's best friend and maid of honour was until she showed up the day before our wedding for the rehearsal dinner. Anastasia fucking Steele. That's who. My Annie who left me alone in the hotel room bed back in Portland so long ago. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Suffice it to say she was shocked when she saw me too and avoided me like the plague unless absolutely necessary. While the priest was speaking during the ceremony I wasn't paying him any attention. My eyes were glued on Ana. She left a couple of days after the wedding and I could try to forget about her again. I word there being _try._ It turns out she has been living and working in New York for a publishing company. If only I had asked her to tell me her full name back then.

Afterwards if Ana was brought up in conversation by Kate telling me what she's up to or who she was seeing I would burn with jealousy. I knew I had no right to feel this way, she could do whatever she wanted with her life, I had made my bed only to wish somebody else was sharing it with me.

Kate and I were getting along just fine, we were in a routine that worked for me until the day she came to tell me she was ready and wanted to start trying for a baby. So we did for eight months and nothing. It became a chore, once a month when she was meant to be her most fertile. We eventually went to see a fertility specialist where she was told her eggs were not viable and there was no way she would ever be able to conceive. We came home from the doctor that day and Kate spent the next few days in bed crying. She was depressed and there was nothing I could say or do for her. Nothing cheered her up until her friend Ana came to visit that weekend. She told us she was back in Seattle for a couple of months to look after her father who had to have an operation. That's the moment when my life turned upside down. When Anastasia offered to be a surrogate for us and donate her egg, she even offered to carry the baby for us.

I was against it. I didn't want this. I knew it would bring nothing but trouble. When Ana left that night Kate and I argued but in the end I gave in. I knew it was a bad idea but Kate really wanted this, she said she trusted Ana with her life and who better to help us than her best friend. Then the vanity took over and she actually said this way her body won't be ruined either. I have no clue if she was serious or not with that comment. Yes Kate has always taken pride in her appearance and been slightly self-centred but even if it was a joke it still rubbed me the wrong way.

The three of us sat down to have a serious conversation about it. I asked Ana why she was doing this and what she wanted, what she was getting out of all of this. She told me she didn't want anything, none of my money but only to help us, to help give her friend her dream of being a mother and seeing the child grow from a distance. She told us she knew we would look after it and besides that she'd be moving back to New York after giving birth so she won't be around to interfere. How could I not fall for someone so selfless?

Ana returned to New York to take care of things with her apartment and take a leave of absence from her job for a year before returning to Seattle.

The day arrived where Ana had to attend the IVF clinic to be inseminated with my sperm. I gave my sample but it took me forever. My dick refused to cooperate with me. Not an experience I wish to relive ever again, jacking off like an idiot in a tiny room, with the worse porn they could have found playing in the background. I really didn't need to see a hairy assed man from the 70's getting his rocks off to help get me in the mood.

When Ana took the pregnancy test at our apartment a few weeks later which showed a positive reading she looked straight at me waiting for my reaction. I smiled at her sweetly then left her and Kate alone. Why did I ever fucking agree to this?

Then the day came for the first ultrasound. Ana was laying on the examination bed with the light dimmed down and the doctor rolling the wand over her exposed still flat stomach. Kate was holding her hand with tears in her eyes, she couldn't hide her happiness. I was leaning on the wall across the room from them, that is until I saw the little tiny life on the screen. I moved towards Ana and grabbed her other hand. I couldn't help myself, I kissed her on the cheek in front of my wife. It was an incredible feeling, I was going to be a father. I moved my gaze away from the screen to Ana, I could see something in her eyes, she wanted to say something to me but held the words back and turned her face from me. I sort of hated Kate in that moment and wanted her out of that room. She put us in this position. It's unfair to blame her, I agreed to it as well but all of a sudden it all seemed so wrong.

The first three months of the pregnancy went by fast. Ana had pretty bad morning sickness so Kate and I would take turns visiting to help her out. There were a few moments in those first weeks when Ana and I would sit on her couch close to each other where I would lightly touch her on her shoulder or massage her back when it hurt and twinged, she would lean into my touch but then she would always be the first to pull away although I certainly took note of the shivers and goosebumps her body would break out in, in reaction to my touch. Sometimes we spent time together just hanging out watching a movie when Kate was busy and I was at home then spend hours debating the film. I stopped by a few times with a cup of tea and a new book for her to read to keep herself busy just to see her smile at me in appreciation. I would call her every few days just to hear her voice and ask how she was doing under the guise of asking about the baby but in reality I just wanted to talk to her. As much as I tried to tell myself to stop, it was no use, the pull she had over me was too strong.

I have tried to be just friends with her but it's not what I want. Friends don't steal glances at each other, friends don't cause butterflies in your stomach, friends don't hold each other longer than necessary.

Anastasia is now five months along giving me four months to convince her to be with me and have our own family with this baby.

I know or at least hope and suspect she feels the same way as I do.

She had a craving for mint ice cream so I offered to go get it for her. Kate's away this weekend with her mother at a spa so it's just Ana and I. Kate sent me a message asking me to take it over to Ana and I jumped at the chance.

A month ago I got the courage to ask her why she ran out on me that morning in Portland. We have never spoken about that night.

" _I didn't intend to run away at first. You were still asleep, you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you up so I got my phone to check my email and messages. One of them was the graduation edition of the university's newsletter, in it was a photo of you and an article about the funding you provided to the agriculture department. I freaked out, I was in bed with a freaking billionaire. I had graduated the day before but didn't mention it besides I already had my flight booked for the next day to New York anyway. I was hoping to be able to see you again then I got scared. I'm sorry I left like that but I had no idea this is where we would end up. I'm glad it's your baby though. I never forgot you, Christian. That was one of the best nights of my life."_

" _I looked for you the next day but had no luck, Annie."_

 _She bites her lip and lowers her eyes to the ground, blushing._

" _You did?"_

" _Yes." I confirm. "I went back to the bar but no one would tell me a thing about you. I wish I had been able to find you."_

I kissed her that day. She looked up at me with a look of longing and I couldn't stop it from happening, after denying my attraction to her I had the strong urge to feel and taste her. It was passionate, it started a fire, increasing my hunger for her. The only reason I stopped is because I was a little too rough with her causing her to yelp out in pain. I apologised to her then left. But she kissed me back and I knew I was home when my lips touched hers. Since then she's been avoiding me but not today.

I knock on her door and wait.

"Hi." I greet her.

She looks beautiful, my dick tingles at the sight of her. She's glowing, her bright blue eyes are sparkling and pink lips all plump looking. I want nothing more than to kiss her again.

"Hi." She answers me, not meeting my eyes. "Oh is that my ice cream?"

"Here you go." I hand the tub over to her.

"Thank you."

As she takes the tub from me our fingers graze and a charge of electricity shoots through me. I know she felt it because I heard her little gasp of a breath. I smirk to myself.

She walks away from me into the kitchen to grab a spoon. I admire the back of her, the sway of her hips and roundness of her ass. You wouldn't even know she was expecting unless you saw her stomach. She removes the lid from the tub and takes a big spoonful of the cold dessert while I'm picturing her mouth around my dick.

"Oh my gosh!"

Ana freezes and drops the spoon on to the bench, placing her hand on her stomach. I'm next to her in an instant.

"What's wrong?" I ask her concerned.

She smiles at me.

"The baby just kicked for the first time. I mean really kicked."

"It did?"

"Yeah, here feel it."

She takes my hand and places it on her left side telling me to wait. Then I feel the jab, breaking out in a wide grin. I kneel down and wait again until I feel something push against the palm of my hand. This is the most incredible thing I have experienced so far.

"Wow! He's really in there."

"Could be a she, and they sure are. That feels so weird." She giggles.

"Hi there baby, I'm your daddy." I whisper across her abdomen.

I look up at Ana who's looking at me through half closed lids. The air crackling between us I take note of the battle within herself behind her eyes. Her smile replaced with tortured confusion.

I raise myself up leaving my hand on her body and not breaking eye contact.

"Anastasia."

"Christian." It comes out sounding like both a plea and a question.

I place my other hand behind her head bringing her lips to mine. She attacks my mouth opening hers up to me. I pull her into my body, her soft curves against my hardness as I enter her mouth with my tongue tasting her sweetness and the mint ice cream. My erection is straining against my pants, begging for her, desperate to have her again. Kate and I haven't had sex since the day we found out Ana was pregnant so I'm not going to last long, especially after fantasising about her for so long.

I grab her hips lifting her onto the counter, never breaking our kiss, separating her thighs to stand between them. Her hands are in my hair then move down to the hem of my shirt lifting it up and away from me. I release her lips just long enough to remove my shirt before claiming them again, it lands somewhere behind me on the floor. We're both giving in to our lust which is constantly surrounding us with frantic kisses and movements. Too afraid to slow down in case one of us comes to our senses. This is going to be hard and fast.

I swiftly undo the tiny buttons of her blouse revealing her blue lace bra. I lower the straps and kiss my way down her neck to her shoulders then continue moving down to the swell of her breasts at the same time as I glide my hands up her legs and to her inner thighs, under her skirt feeling her legs tremble. I take a step closer rubbing my stiff cock through my pants against her wet panty covered core, her hands have gripped onto my upper arms, her head flung back pushing her chest out.

"This is wrong." She says on a breathy sigh.

"Tell me to stop." I growl against her neck tightening my grip on her thighs.

"Oh God, Christian." She pants.

"I swear, Ana, if you don't stop me in the next ten seconds I'm going to take you right on this counter."

Her answer was to undo my belt.

I remove her bra and top completely, pick up the spoon dipping it into the ice cream then letting it drip onto her brown puckered nipples, sucking them clean as she continues working my pants until my dick cries in relief at being freed. Her hot hand wraps around me, caressing the length of me up and down causing me to shudder.

I quickly move her panties to the side and plunge in. Both of us crying out at the euphoric feeling of being joined together. She was so wet and ready that she comes around my dick after only a few seconds, squeezing me. I swallow her cries with my mouth while I still and wait for her to ride it out then carry her to her bedroom kissing her the entire way there, I place her on the edge and begin to thrust hard and forceful in and out of her warmth. Her legs wrapped tightly around my hips.

"Yes. You feel so good." Her nails scratching down my back spur me on faster.

The only sound in the room is our heavy breathing and the slap of my balls against her body as I pound away. The familiar sensation starts and I know I'm close to exploding in her. I begin to play with her clit, rubbing it mercilessly, no way am I coming without her orgasming once more. As soon as I feel her thighs stiffen I let go. I come so hard and so much her contracting muscles milking me that it starts to leak out of her pussy and it's the hottest thing I have ever seen.

I softly kiss her, gather her in my arms and move us higher up the bed and under the covers.

A minute later she begins to freak out.

"What have we done?"

She's trying her hardest to push away from me to get up from the bed but I hold her to me. I calm her down by talking quietly into her ear, telling her to breathe then gaze at her face. Her blue eyes huge and conflicted.

"I don't regret it." I confess, running my thumb along her cheek. "Do you want me to go?"

If she needs to be alone I'll leave even though I would rather stay in this bed here with her. Now that I've had another taste of her there is no way I'm walking away without a fight.

I hold my breath waiting. She searches my eyes, looking for an answer so I try to show her that I care about her, that there is nothing to fear.

"Stay. I've been trying so hard to stay away from you, my heart speeds up every time you're near me then you kissed me and that's all I could think about. But Kate…"

I stop her with another kiss.

"No. No talking about Kate. Let's just give ourselves today to enjoy each other and worry about the rest later."

She lays her head on my shoulder agreeing.

"Okay."

We spent the rest of that day and night in bed only leaving it to eat. It was like that night we spent in my hotel room only better. Can she not see how perfect we are for each other?

Over dinner of Chinese takeout, I'm in my pants and Ana is only wearing a large white t-shirt, we're seated on the floor by the coffee table where I get the courage to finally tell her how I feel. I've been putting it off for hours. I take her hand in mine. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. This is the most important thing I have ever had to negotiate for in my life. This is my life.

"Ana, there's something I need to tell you. It's more of a confession. I've been fighting it for months now but I can't hide it any longer, I don't want to. I've fallen in love with you, deeply and I want us to be together, raise this baby together and be a family. Stay here with me, be with me, don't go back to New York."

I've put my heart on the line. She's looking at me in complete shock, her mouth agape. The silence continues to stretch.

"Say something." I beg.

She starts by shaking her head and taking her hand back.

"No."

"Tell me you don't feel the same way."

She wraps her arms around herself.

"Christian why are you doing this?"

"Tell me, can you really, honestly give this baby up and walk away from it and me?"

"Don't! I promised Kate, you think I haven't thought about it, that I haven't become attached to it, that I'll only see it from a distance and be called Aunt Ana. Why are you making things harder than they have to be? What happened here today can never happen again, you had your fun, got it out of your system and so did I, blame it on my pregnancy hormones. How will I face Kate the next time I see her?"

Is she for real? Pregnancy hormones?

"Tell me you feel nothing at all for me. Don't let something amazing pass us by, Ana."

She gets to her feet, avoiding eye contact, her voice tight when she says the words I should have expected but didn't want to hear.

"I don't."

I stand up before her. So I have to fight harder but I'm not giving up.

"I don't believe you. I love you, Anastasia. You can fight it all you want but you love me too. If you didn't leave me that day who's to say we wouldn't be married right now with our baby on the way."

She brings her arms down to her sides clenching her hands.

"Stop! Stop saying that, you can't say these things to me, you're married to my best friend."

"Who I don't love because she's not you."

" _What?"_ She takes a step away from you.

I explain how Kate I met and the reasons we got married, that it wasn't your traditional relationship and love story.

"You are who I want."

She turns her back to me and I notice her wipe away a tear.

"I want you to leave. Please."

I grab my shirt and shoes. Do I make her talk to me or give her time to process all I said. In the end I walk out the door leaving her hoping I made the right choice for the time being.

The next afternoon I'm sitting on the couch nursing a glass of scotch, staring off into space thinking about what I can do to convince Ana to give us a chance when Kate walks in having returned home. Is it horrible that I haven't missed her at all whereas on the other hand I miss Ana and it's been only 24 hours.

"Oh hey." She greets me.

"Hi. How was your weekend?" My voice lacks any enthusiasm.

She fiddles with her watch not looking my way.

"It was fine, relaxing. Did you see Ana at all?"

"Yes. She felt the baby kick."

That information gets her looking my way.

"She did? Shit, I'm sorry I missed it. I might go see her tomorrow."

I follow her with my eyes as she walks away into the bedroom. Once she disappears from view I bringing the glass to my lips finishing it in one gulp feeling the burn of the liquor move down my throat. What do I do now?

#####

I have spent this whole week calling Ana but she refuses to answer her phone. I've sent her flowers and a teddy bear to her apartment together with a card filled with my heartfelt thoughts and still nothing from her. Tomorrow is Saturday and Kate has organised for the three of us to have lunch and go baby shopping. I hope she shows up, I need to see her, to ensure that she's okay. I'll need to act as if nothing has changed but it will be difficult.

Kate and I are waiting for Ana outside the baby store. She's a few minutes late which is unlike her, Ana is always punctual, early even. Kate says she's going to call her but I stop her when I see Ana coming up the street. Did she walk here? I get mad at the mental image of her traipsing the streets in her condition.

"Hey, sorry I'm late I had to find a restroom to pee."

I take in her appearance, she looks tired and won't look my way. She's fiddling with the strap of her handbag over her shoulder.

We enter the store and I spend the next hour following them around keeping my distance. Kate is choosing furniture and accessories for the nursery only asking for my opinion here and there. Seeing as we don't know the gender a lot of it is in neutral colors. I can't control the anger bubbling inside me at Ana ignoring me and I'm in a foul mood. Ana has been very quiet and less than enthusiastic causing Kate to make comment on it.

"What is the matter with the two of you today?"

I don't trust myself to answer and head to the other side of the store picking up a small mint colored blanket with a print of an elephant on it. _It's cute._

Kate picks up a tiny, pink outfit as we venture into the clothing section.

"Oh isn't this precious, I hope it's a girl." She coos placing the piece across Ana's stomach who breaks down crying.

"Sweetie what's wrong?" Kate reaches her arms out to comfort her but Ana takes two steps back.

"I'm sorry, I can't deal with this today." She sobs and rushes out of the store. I want to follow her but I don't, I can't.

Later that night I leave the apartment, having told Kate I left a file at the office and go to check on Ana. She has been sending Kate's calls to voicemail all afternoon.

I loudly knock on her door.

"Ana please let me in."

I hear her shuffling on the other side of it and when she finally opens up her eyes are red and puffy.

I enter closing the door behind me and take her in my arms making her start sobbing all over again.

"God, baby, why are you crying?"

"I can't do this, I can't keep this secret from her. We need to tell her. Seeing you today I realised how much I missed you this week. I know I was ignoring your calls but I had no idea what to say to you. Walking through that store the guilt was eating me up."

"I missed you too. You tell Kate and then what? We hurt her for no reason if nothing is changing between us."

She takes in a staggered breath.

"What happened at the store today?"

"On top of the guilt I was hating everything Kate was choosing but it's not my place to say anything. I got upset."

"Of course you have a say."

"No I don't, Christian. I signed a contract and…"

I stop her continuing.

"I never filed the pre-birth and adoption papers, it's not binding."

"You what? Why?"

"Something was always stopping me doing so and now I know why. You're not meant to give this baby away."

She steps away from me her hands going to her cheeks.

"I can't believe this. Christian, what have we done? What if she still wants it?"

"She has no legal claim to it. Trust me I took care of it in the careful wording of it."

She appears as if she will faint at any moment so I lead her over to the couch to sit.

"What's that you're holding?" She asks pointing at me.

I look at the bag in my hand I forgot all about. I take out the green blanket and hand it over to Ana.

"I saw this today and wanted to buy it for the baby."

"It's cute, thank you." She runs her hand along the blanket's edge.

I shift closer to her, running my nose along her neck, taking in her intoxicating scent.

"You don't play fair, Christian."

"I never said I did. I want you, Ana. Both of you."

I place my hand over our child growing in her. She places her own hand over mine interlocking our figers.

"You're were right, I do love you and I have for a long time but it's wrong and it's all so complicated and messy. I don't want to hurt Kate, she has always been there for me, she's like a sister and I've betrayed her in the worst way, I'm a terrible person and friend, however I can't stay away from you."

Hearing her say the words that she loves me is like music to my ears. I wrap my arm around her shoulders pulling her into the side of my body.

"No you're not, you can't help who you fall in love with, does the timing suck, absolutely but wouldn't she want you to be happy and vice versa."

"You're still a married man and I'm a homewrecker."

"Don't talk about yourself like that. Trust me you haven't wrecked anything Kate doesn't love me."

"How can you know that, what if she does and this breaks her heart? What we have is more than something physical, I wish it was as simple as that. What are we going to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I'm so confused, what you're saying is like a dream come true but I can't allow myself to believe it, to think it's a possibility because on the other hand there is Kate and the baby."

"What if I talk to her, take all the blame?"

"No I can't let you do that, it was the two of us in this not just you. I need more time. It's not as easy as saying I want to be with you, you understand that right?"

"Think about this before you make any rash decisions."

I collect her in my arms, her growing stomach resting against my own hardened muscled abdomen and kiss her as if my life depended on it. I kiss her slowly, taking my time because there is no place I'd rather be. I inhale her sighs continuing to kiss her until she moans into my mouth, I kiss her until she forgets everything else but me. I kiss her silent of all her arguments while slowly laying her back on to the couch until I'm over her and between her legs before I begin to undress us both.

######

These past three weeks Ana and I have been spending time together one day a week, our time together has been both incredible and terrible at the same time, I hate leaving her, I hate lying to Kate, I hate hiding, I really do not want to pressure Ana but she needs to tell me what it is she wants, she just keeps going round and round in circles.

The three of us are in the waiting room of the doctor's surgery for Ana's six month ultrasound and check-up. Not a single one of us is talking and it's an uncomfortable silence. Ana is fidgeting with the bottle of water she's holding, I'm pretending to answer emails whilst Kate stares out the window.

"Miss Steele." The nurse calls out.

Ana is on the bed, her top pulled up to expose her belly as the doctor gets to work rolling the wand over her skin.

"Everything looks fine, the baby is growing as expected. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

"Please." We say in unison.

The doctor flips a switch on the machine and a whooshing sound fills the room. That is so amazing. How is it possible for a single sound to have such a profound effect on me? Is this how all expectant parents feel?

"Okay then, the only thing I'm a little worried about before you go is your blood pressure, it's a little high but not high enough to be too concerned just yet. Take it easy, try and reduce stress otherwise if it continues to rise it can cause serious complications to both you and the baby and you will need to be placed on bed rest. I'd like to see you again in a couple of weeks." Ana's doctor advises as we finish up with the visit.

"Thank you, doctor."

Walking out of the clinic Kate suggests to Ana to think about moving in with us for the last few months if that will help.

Ana and I both exclaim with a loud "NO."

Kate looks taken aback by our reactions.

"I mean, I'm sure Ana would be more comfortable staying at her apartment." I stammer out an excuse.

"Christian's right, there's no need and the doctor said it was only a little high, I'll be fine."

"Well if you're sure, just know the offer is there if you change your mind." Kate responds.

Deep down I know this situation is getting to her and that's the reason for her heightened blood pressure. I can't risk anything happening to them both so will do whatever I can to make things easier on her even if that means staying away for a while.

I offer to take Ana home seeing as Kate needs to go pick up her brother from the airport this afternoon. Her brother Ethan is a major prick, we don't like each other and I could care less about his, he's a whiny mommy's boy. Perhaps my deep feelings of hatred have something to do with the fact that he seems a little too friendly with Anastasia.

I pull up outside Ana's building but she doesn't get out of the car instead she turns to face me in her seat. She was lost in her head the entire drive back.

"I've made a decision."

"About?"

"Us. Kate's going to hate me forever."

The regret and sorrow of hurting her friend written across her face.

"Does this mean what I think it means?"

"I want us to be a family. The fear of getting caught, the lies and the worrying are affecting the baby and I don't want to harm it, I don't want to hide anymore and be your dirty secret."

I move my body over the middle console to kiss her.

"Oh baby, thank you, I promise you are never going to regret it. You're mine." I confirm placing my hand over our child.

"I'm yours." She agrees with a smile. "How are we going to break it to her?"

That's the billion dollar question.

"Give me a couple of weeks to work things out. I'll talk to my lawyers to figure out the easiest and fastest way out of this mess we put ourselves in."

"I can do that."

######

It's been a month since Anastasia told me she wanted us to be a family. We're prepared to face the consequences and are going to tell Kate about us this weekend. I tried to get Kate to talk to us a week ago but she was out of town with her mother. She sure has been spending a lot of time with her mother lately. After meeting with my lawyers separating from Kate won't be as complicated thanks to the fact we had a very iron clad pre-nup signed. I'm going to move in with Ana at her apartment giving Kate time and space to find someplace else.

I'm finalising a contract and signing off on it when Andrea buzzes me.

"Mr Grey Miss Steele is here."

I wasn't expecting her, but I'm pleased she's stopped by.

"Send her in."

Ana enters my office in a long flowing dress. I stand to greet her halfway across my office with a thorough kiss.

"What are you doing here?"

"Kate called me and asked me to meet her here, she said she wanted to talk to the both of us."

"She did?"

"Oh my God she knows something. She has to otherwise why call me here?"

Her body starts to shake from the worry coursing through her. I take hold of her hands asking her to look at me.

"She doesn't know anything, Ana we've been really careful, let's not jump to conclusions okay."

We hear a knock on the door. Ana takes a step away from me before it opens up revealing a sheepish looking Kate.

"Thanks for coming so soon, Ana. Hello, Christian. Please sit."

Ana and I look at each other, both confused as to what is going on as we take the two seats in front of my desk watching Kate pace back and forth before us as she wrings her hands.

"I've made a mistake and you're both going to hate me." She states.

"Why, what are you talking about?" Ana asks.

"I've changed my mind."

"What have you changed your mind about?" I demand having a suspicion of what she's going to say next.

"The baby. I made a mistake. I'm so sorry, Ana. You offered to do this beautiful thing for me, for us and now this baby won't have a proper home. I no longer want this."

Ana stands up facing her.

"What do you mean you changed your mind, how can you just change your mind like that? You've been looking forward to this for so long now."

"I know but I sat down the other day and really thought about it. We rushed into this. The baby will take up all my time and freedom. Christian is barely around because of work so I'll be stuck with the kid in the apartment, sleep deprived and miserable."

"It's a bit late for that now isn't it? How can you be so selfish? You didn't think of all this before or is it because it's not biologically yours?"

Why is Ana getting so worked up? This is great, this way Kate is the bad guy and we don't have to tell her about our affair.

"No of course not, but I've also met someone and we want to be together and they don't want a child in their life."

 _Say what now? Kate's been seeing someone else as well?_

"Well this is a surprise. Who is it?" I enquire standing up with my hands in my pockets.

"Don't blame them, it just kind of happened and I've been fighting it but I really care for her."

"Her?" Now I'm really surprised.

"It's Ros." Kate tells me waiting for my reaction.

I start to laugh and I mean really laugh while Ana stands beside me stunned.

"You can stop laughing now, Christian, it's not that funny. Maybe you two can work things out and raise the baby together. I don't know what's been happening with you two lately but you've both been acting weird. Maybe it was always meant to be this way. I'm sorry for doing his to you, Ana for putting you through this ordeal."

"Don't worry about it, Kate, I'll take care of my child but it might be best if we don't see each other for a while."

Ana walks away into my bathroom, closing the door behind her.

"Goodbye, Christian, sorry things didn't work out between us. I assume I'll be hearing from your lawyers soon regarding divorce papers."

"You will. It wasn't all bad Kate."

"No it wasn't."

I hug her goodbye and watch her walk out the door letting out a relieved breath. That certainly did not go the way I suspected it would. I knock on the bathroom door and open it to find Ana leaning against the sink.

"Did that actually happen?"

"It did. Why were you so angry? This is perfect." I smile walking closer to her, placing my hands on either side of her body on the sink trapping her.

"I didn't know what to say, I'm shocked, I know it worked out the best way for us but I was upset because the Kate I know wouldn't have done something like that, not when it comes to something so important like another person's life, it's like I have no idea who she is anymore."

"Don't worry about it, baby. Love makes you do strange things."

"Kate and Ros huh? "

I nod.

"I think I'm going to have to have a little chat with my COO." I joke. "You know what this means don't you. It's you and me and our little one. We can be together without any obstacles in our way."

"Just us." Ana says placing her hands on my face.

"Just us." I agree.

 **2 months later**

A new day is beginning through the window as the sun rises, people are getting ready for work and having breakfast, setting out early to beat the traffic, I think I had a few meetings to attend to today, but I could care less about them. The only place I want to be is in this hospital room with Anastasia and our baby boy Connor. He was born two weeks early only two hours ago. I sit on the bed which Ana is laying in with him in between us, we can't take our eyes off him, he is the most perfect thing I have ever laid eyes on.

The past two months have been happier than I dreamed possible with Ana by my side. I found a house for us by the water which we moved into a month ago and have turned it into a home. Ana didn't feel right living in the apartment I once shared with Kate, not that I can blame her.

Kate and Ros are still seeing each other. Her father was livid when he found out that Kate had left me for a woman but there was fuck all he could do about it, I told them both I would support them and not to listen to bullshit from anyone else. Things could have been so messy between us all, Ana wanted to confess everything to Kate but I talked her out of it, what would be the point of bringing it all up now, we're all moving on with our lives so the only thing we told her is that we were going to give it a try for the sake of the baby, there is no use hurting Kate unnecessarily and chancing the loss of her friendship. Kate was happy for us so all's well that ends well. Our divorce will be finalised next month and we can all put it behind us.

I'm going to wait another hour before calling my family to let them know the baby has arrived. The day Ana and I showed up at my parent's house holding hands to break the news to them wasn't exactly enjoyable. My mother and sister loved Kate and were ready to place the blame on Ana for breaking up my marriage until I explained the entire situation to them. My mother was speechless for the first time in her life. Afterwards my mother took me aside and said all she wants is my happiness and she can see that Ana has brought a spark to my eye, since then they have accepted Ana into our family with open arms awaiting their first grandchild.

"Thank you, Ana. He's amazing."

"He is pretty special." She has been holding on to his little hand since I placed him next to her. He's sound asleep, totally unaware of his surroundings. Poor kid got my hair color.

She yawns, exhausted after an eight hour labour. I'm so proud and in awe of her. I twist a strand of her hair around my finger.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Her smiling eyes meet mine.

"Before you fall asleep I want to ask you something."

She looks up at me expectantly.

"I know that the way we met, made this little angel and then got together is not exactly your average love story but I wouldn't change a thing because it led us to today. You have been in my heart since I first saw you in that bar, I love you and want to spend my life with you and Connor and make many more babies, the traditional way next time. Will you marry me, Anastasia Steele?"

Tears are falling down her face so I wipe some of them away with my thumb.

"Yes." She whispers her answer to me. "I will."

I pull the ring out my pocket placing it on her finger then shift closer in order to kiss her.

Fate sure has a sense of humour and can be a funny thing. In the end it led me to where I was supposed to be all along even if the path I had to take was not exactly straight forward. With the love of my life and our family secured in my arms there is not a single further thing I need.

 **THE END**


	7. Entry 6

.

 **The Expensive Charlatan: **

_**Christian/Anastasia  
Forbidden Love: **__**Therapist/Patient**_

* * *

 _Do you ever feel like you're floating above your body? But not out of joy or to escape some sort of traumatic experience but out of complete and utter confusion? You're looking down at yourself screaming as you wonder how in the hell you got into this situation. What turns did you take, what path did you go running down that led you to this moment of self-destruction and turmoil? At what point did you decide, 'I think I'll turn my simple, boring life completely upside down'. But for what reason? Do you have no regard for the consequences? The people you're going to hurt? The lives you're going to ruin? I'm doing that now. I am watching myself get shoved up against the wall of the large corner office on the fourteenth floor of the building on Clinton Street. I see myself wrap my arms and legs around a man as his lips finds my neck. His hands grope my breasts. My hands are in his hair and then down his body unbuckling his belt. I can't get his pants down fast enough. I'm desperate for him. Desperate to make him come. I've never had this kind of passion with anyone. Not even my husband._

"I've been thinking about you all day" he says in my ear. "Ever since you sent me that picture with your phone between your legs." I feel his lips sucking sloppily along my neck. "I've been hard for four hours. You knew I had appointments today. Did you try to make me hard on purpose?"

"No… no I just thought you'd want to see" I whimper as I feel him yank my tight pencil skirt up around my thighs and waist so he could look at what was underneath.

"Did you wear this for me?" He says as he licks his lips staring down at the tiny piece of wet fabric that's covering my pussy. It's so small and tight that you can very clearly make out my lips and even the hint of the muscle between them that's dying to be touched. "Or for your husband… that hasn't made you come in three years"

The delicious shiver moves through me as it does every time when he mentions my husband. _Does that make me a terrible person? That the thrill of getting caught sends a spike in my heart rate? That every time I remember I technically belong to someone else my clit throbs with need for a different man? It heightens my libido? It's so taboo, so forbidden, so hot_. _I know I should stop. But I can't. I won't. I'm in too deep at this point. I might be betraying my husband but every time I leave our sessions I feel like I'm betraying my body. My mind. My soul. My ring finger on my left hand may be my husbands for all intents and purposes, but everything else belongs to this man whose mouth I desperately want on my pussy right now._ "Shut the fuck up" I growl as I grab his hair and pull, hard. "We don't have a ton of time. And I want to come… twice"

"Oh, so my little kitten is making demands now" he says as I feel his hand wrap around my wrist and I am hauled across his room and pushed onto his desk so that I am flat on my back. "Spread your legs" I do as I'm told and I'm rewarded with a look that sets my skin ablaze. _Fuck he's gorgeous. How.. how did I get so lucky to meet this sex God and get to have him between my legs three times a week?_ I frown at the thought. _Oh right. Nevermind._ I feel him wrap my legs around his waist before he rips my panties from my body.

"Stop ripping my panties, god dammit!" I scream as they disintegrate in his hands and fall into scraps on the floor. "How am I going to explain that I'm going commando?"

The daggers shooting out of his eyes render me speechless. _Maybe that was the wrong thing to say?_ "He shouldn't know what it looks like underneath your skirt. You're not fucking him"

"He's my husband" I say as I sit up on my elbows.

"You are _not_ fucking him" he says putting more emphasis on each word. He leans over my body. "You are mine"

I see the possessive look in his eyes and I have to look away knowing that the tension is getting to be too much. _I feel like I can't breathe._ "No… I'm not" I whisper and saying the words hurt just as much as I imagine it does for him hearing them.

"Fuck you" he growls as he unwraps my legs from around his waist and dropping to his knees. He pulls my legs to hang more off the side of the desk before he opens me up for him. I feel air hit the moisture coating my slick skin and I let out the breath that I've been holding since he lowered himself to his knees. "Look at me" he says before he nips the inside of my thigh. "Look at how wet you are for me. Your body knows who it belongs to. Even the moment we met, it knew. Your body called out to me, begging me to fuck it. To kiss it. To lick it. To possess it." I make eye contact with him before I drop my eyes to my slick opening. I see him dive for it, tongue first and he wastes no time attacking my clit. My right hand immediately goes behind his head, while my left hand slides to the edge of the desk so I can leverage myself to hoist my center upwards. I begin moving in accordance with his mouth, to the point where the pressure of his tongue is getting harder and harder as I move more aggressively against him.

"Fuck, I'm going to come" I say my pussy starting to contract around him.

"I know you are. Come on, baby. Let me feel it. You know I'll take care of you. I always do" He says and I detonate around him feeling him draw every ounce of my orgasm out of me. I feel his tongue back and forth across me rapidly and I feel like I could pass out any second from the pleasure he's inflicting. I twitch suddenly as I'm nearing the end indicating that I need a moment when he's back on his feet and pushing himself inside of me.

"Wait!" I say struggling to catch my breath. "I need a minute"

"We don't have a minute. And you said you wanted to come again" he says leaning over me and groping my breasts through my silk blouse. I don't have a chance to protest about him getting it wrinkled when he opens it violently sending all of the buttons flying in a different directions around the room.

"What the fuck!?" I growl but I know in this moment I am too turned on to care as he continues to plow into me.

"You left a blouse here last time. I had it dry cleaned in case we needed it" he winks at me and I feel a twinge of guilt run through me. _We both are risking everything by doing this and in ways we are far too reckless but we still act with some level of caution. I don't think he'd rip my blouse if he didn't have another one waiting for me._ I grip his ass, his firm delicious ass that just last week I ran my tongue over every inch of. _He's brought out a level of sexual deviance that I've never experienced. I certainly never thought growing up in my prim and proper household, I'd ever experience licking anyone's asshole. Or having mine done in return._ "I want to fuck your ass again so bad" he growls. _Or that._ "I've been thinking about it ever since last week. Have you tightened up again since? Let me see. Can we do it again?"

"No time" I say as I hold my wrist up to look at my watch. _We are cutting it too close as it is. Thankfully, Matthew is never on time._

"Can I see you tonight?"

"You know that's not how this goes"

"Please" he says as he stops thrusting to lower his head to circle his tongue around my nipple. "I'm not done with you"

"Well you're going to have to be until Wednesday"

He stands up and begins to fuck me with a newfound urgency that wasn't there five minutes ago and before I can think I feel him start to pulse inside of me. "Fucking shit, god dammit" he runs his hand down his face before looking at me. He continues to rock back and forth slower as he strums my clit with his thumb trying to get me there as well. It isn't long before I'm standing at the edge ready to jump when I hear my phone ringing from my purse across the room. " _I'm going to be a little late, stuck in traffic,"_ I say in my head. I roll my eyes to myself as I can already predict who's calling and what they're going to say. "Focus on me, baby. Not anything else" he growls at me and I nod knowing that in this moment nothing else matters but this sexier than sin man in my arms. _This whole situation is sexier than sin. Hell, it is sin._ I feel my orgasm begin in my toes and shoot up through me like a lightning bolt as I grab his face and bring it to mine capturing his lips in a scorching kiss. We kiss for a few moments, pouring our feelings into it. I claw at his back hoping that it will bring me closer to him when he pulls back gently. "We need to get dressed" he whispers resting his forehead against mine. "It's almost three"

"Okay" I whisper as he helps me off his desk. I scurry to his bathroom that is connected to his office as he begins to clean up the mess. He opens a window, sprays some air freshener and Lysol's his desk as I mentioned that Matthew had made a comment to me a few weeks ago that the room smelled like sex when we got there and that clearly the Doctor had had some fun before we arrived. _Fun alright. Fun with your wife._ I wince at the dark humor. _When did I become this terrible person? Making light of this fucked up situation. I am a married woman, been so for five years. No children… some could argue that it's one of the reasons I am in this situation in the first place. I wanted kids, he's not ready. I mean sure we're young. He's 30 and I'm 28 but I'm ready to be a mother. Of course not now. Heavens no, am I bringing a child into this mess I've made of my life. Because I am a woman who's been fucking the person who's job it is to repair the supposed damage to my marriage. That's right, I'm fucking my marriage counselor. Dr. Christian Grey._

I stare at the person in the reflection in the mirror of his bathroom and sigh. "We go through this every time. It's not just your job to fix everything" he says behind me as he puts his hands on my shoulders. He runs a hand through his hair and places a kiss on the side of my head. "You tried. You tried for months. I watched you. I watched you change. I watched you fall into this deep dark hole of sadness"

I turn around to face him. "And then you pulled me out of it" _It's moments like this that I want him to whisk me away so we can be together. But if it were only that simple._ "You made me whole again" I bite down on my lower lip. My mind wanders to a time where I was barely eating, barely sleeping. Matthew and I barely spoke except in therapy. I was miserable. And then I got a call, in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. Dr. Grey's secretary was calling to schedule an appointment. A _solo_ appointment. I had just left my spin class and had nothing to do for the rest of the day so I thought _why not_? Maybe he had new insight. So I went home and showered in my two point five million dollar townhome that I shared with Matthew and headed out to see our therapist.

 **Flashback**

I'm sitting in the waiting area when he emerges from his office. He pulls his glasses from his face and looks at me giving me a smile that sends my mind into a tizzy. _Okay, so I have a tiny crush on our therapist. But seriously, who wouldn't? He's without a doubt the most gorgeous man I've ever laid eyes on. Somewhere over six feet tall, Christian Grey is an enigma among men. He's gorgeous, charming and smart. How he's not married himself I have no idea. Shouldn't he be married to the perfect woman and they are so disgustingly happy because… he knows how this whole marriage thing works?_ "Mrs. Steele?" I stand up and I don't miss the look he gives me. It's like he wants to devour me whole. I shake my head ridding them of the thoughts that this man could possibly be interested in me. _And I'm married for God's sakes. Why is this thought even crossing my mind?!_ "Shall we?"

I nod before I follow him into his office, unknowing that my whole life was about to change in this expensive hour of therapy. I sit in my usual seat. The right side of his couch, Matthew always sat on the left. Usually Dr. Grey sits in a chair across from us, somewhat in between as he tries to mediate our bickering. I finger my engagement ring and wedding rings as I look down in my lap.

"You seem nervous" he says suddenly and I look up to see him in his usual chair, his right leg resting on top of his left, crossed in such a masculine way. This man oozes masculinity and sex and virility in the most pure form.

"I- I'm sorry"

"Anastasia we talked about that" he says and I don't mistake the way my heart skips a beat when my name rolls off his tongue. "Stop apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong"

"Right" I say looking out the window and a part of me wishes Matthew was here to take some of the spotlight off of me. _What are we going to talk about for an hour?_ "I guess I'm just wondering why I'm here… I mean… Why I'm here without Matthew"

"Mr. Wells was not invited to our session."

I wince when I think about the fact that Dr. Grey always calls him Mr. Wells and myself Mrs. Steele. So many people call me Mrs. Wells ignoring the fact that I didn't change my last name when we got married. Something Matthew hates. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to get to know you a little better. It's been almost four months and I feel like there's something you're not able to get past. Something you're not sharing. And I thought maybe Matthew was the problem. This is a safe space, Anastasia. You can tell me what's wrong"

"What do you mean I can tell you what's wrong, that's what I've been doing for four months. Have you not been paying attention? Too busy doodling on your pad over there" I scoff before I cross my hands. _I am so not in the mood for this._

"There's no room for your smart mouth in here today. You might be able to get away with that with Mr. Wells but not here. Not _now._ Not _today_ "

There's something about the way he says it that heats my skin. _He's never scolded me before, I think I like it._ "What's so special about today?" I ask.

"I want to know why you won't tell me what the real problems are"

"I've told you, we both have. He doesn't want kids, he doesn't want me to work, he keeps me locked up in that house. I have to play this role of the doting trophy wife and I'm sick of it. I loved him… I really did. But then after a few years he just stopped seeing me as the center of his world and I feel unimportant. Neglected." I shrug. "Makes me sound like an ungrateful bitch right? He doesn't hit me, he doesn't cheat on me to my knowledge, he takes care of me, and I'm complaining that he doesn't…what- fuck me? He doesn't want to go to dinner, or even _have_ dinner with me. He forgot my birthday and bought me a house in the Hamptons because you know" I raise my hands before letting them fall in defeat, "what better way to say I'm sorry? Why am I telling you all of this again! You know all of this! We spent an entire week hashing out that goddamn house and how it so wasn't the fucking point!" I yell and at this point I make eye contact with him and he has his hands steepled under his chin.

"I wasn't aware that you and Mr. Wells weren't _intimate_ " He says and I swear I hear a growl escape his throat.

"I think we've been fairly clear that we aren't"

"No it's a topic you both avoid like the plague"

"Well okay… no he doesn't... we don't…" I shrug.

"How long?"

"I don't know at this point? I think we did last month sometime"

"And why is it that you think you don't?"

"He's busy, I'm busy? He's not into it anymore? He's not into me anymore? Maybe I don't do it for him"

"Anastasia, I find it hard to believe it's you" he says rubbing a hand over his mouth and I almost convulse when I notice his tongue dart out to wet his lips. I have a vision of him running that tongue over my lips, all four of them. "Have you asked him?"

"Whenever I bring it up he just shuts down. Says he's busy, has a headache, doesn't have time. It's gotten to the point where I think he's not coming to bed until after I'm asleep on purpose" I say feeling my eyes well up with tears. "Why does he hate me so much?"

I hear the pull of the tissue from the box before I see the white square in front of me and then the couch dip next to me. _That's new. He never sits here with us. But I guess there's more room without Matthew here._ "Please don't cry, Anastasia"

"You never call me by my first name" I whisper. "If you're going to insist on doing so, you should call me Ana"

"But you have a beautiful name." He says and I look at him. "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." He clears his throat and pulls his glasses from his face, tossing them on the coffee table. "Ana, I don't know why your husband treats you the way he does. I watch you two in therapy and frankly… it astonishes me. Why do you stay with him?"

"I just… I thought it would get better. I keep thinking it will… when we found you and started coming I thought it would help. I don't want to give up on my marriage… it's supposed to be forever."

"But some aren't. You remember I do this for a living"

"I don't want to get divorced, and neither does he. We want to try… We were together for three years before we got married and now we've been married for five. That's eight years… I don't want to just give up...How do you start over from that?"

"Staying in a relationship out of some sort of twisted idea of loyalty or co dependency is not healthy. That's no way to live. And you are still young. You can still meet someone. Someone that makes you happy. Someone that loves you and wants to take you to dinner, and wouldn't dream of forgetting your birthday because he's been planning a surprise for you for months, someone that makes you come alive in the bedroom. A man that spends his days thinking about what he wants to do to you in bed and can't wait for the second he can blow off work and do it. We are all busy, but we have to make time for the things and people that matter, Ana. You and Mr. Wells have both forgotten that somewhere along the way. I always say that there are three sides to every story. His side, her side and the truth. This job allows me to get as close to finding out all truths. And the truth is Mrs. Steele, you and your husband are beating your heads against the wall of this marriage. You are both stubborn in your own ways and unless you both make the effort to change what it is that brings you into my office screaming every week you're only delaying the inevitable."

"A… divorce?" I ask.

"Yes"

"You're the worst counselor EVER do you know that!? You're supposed to be diverting us AWAY from that"

"You spend 90% of your days arguing, you don't spend any time outside of the house together unless it's for appearances and now I have learned that you're not even having sex? You're in the prime of your sexuality. You need to be exploring it daily, hell hourly." He says. "You are too much of a goddess to not be worshipped the way you deserve" He says and my eyes widen at his choice of words.

"Dr. Grey…." I trail off. I shake my head. "I can assure you I'm no goddess.. I'm just… Ana. I lost my virginity to Matthew, which you know and...maybe he's just bored with me now."

"It's not you, Anastasia"

"How do you know?"

"I can tell"

"How?"

"Men know" he says giving me a look that makes me want to press him further but I refrain. I'm silent for a second when he asks, "Did you come?"

My head whips towards his, my cheeks on fire from the three words he uttered from that perfect mouth. "What did you say?"

"When you and your husband were intimate last month, did he make you come? Did he take care of your needs? The few times a- what… year that you make love does he even care about your pleasure?"

"I don't see how that's relevant or any of your business"

"Anything between you and Mr. Wells is my business Anastasia" It's not lost on me that he continues to call my husband Mr. Wells but I'm Anastasia. And Jesus if it doesn't sound good coming from his lips. I wonder how it would sound while he's coming. _Wait.. what?_ "You're blushing" he says snapping me from my thoughts.

I put my hands to my cheeks in an effort to soothe the fire. "A man other than my husband just asked me if I had an orgasm excuse me if I'm all out of sorts"

"You're thinking about coming" he says and I detect a hint of darkness in his words. "You're thinking about coming _now."_

"You don't know what I'm thinking." I say looking straight ahead. I don't dare look at the man next to me who's dangerously close to invading my personal space.

"That is incorrect. I know exactly what you're thinking. Your body betrays you, Anastasia"

 _My mind does too. I need to calm down. Deep breaths._ "How…?" _Really Ana? Don't entertain this erotic type of therapy or whatever he's aiming for._

"Well for starters, your breathing has changed. But your pupils have dilated and your thighs are tightly pressed together. Now tell me Anastasia, did you come?"

My heart is racing and although I'm a bundle of nerves I try to convince myself that this invasive line of questioning is for professional reasons only. _Nothing more. Dr. Grey is always professional. But I think I would feel more comfortable discussing my sex life if he wasn't close enough to smell my goddamn arousal that is no doubt soaking the satin fabric between my legs._ "No" I say, the air leaving my lungs at the word.

"Does he ever make you come?"

 _Not since our second or third year of marriage._ "Sh-shouldn't you be writing any of this down?"

"I'll remember" he says with so much affirmation it causes goosebumps to form on my skin, my body betraying me further.

"Not… often. It's not exactly his goal when we have sex"

"What is his goal?"

I shoot him a look that says _What do you think?_ "Don't be daft, Doctor"

He looks at me for a beat before leaning back against the back of the couch, still eyeing me closely. "When is the last time you've had an orgasm?"

I shake my head. "Definitely not your business. It has nothing to do with my marriage."

"And therein lies the problem. Your pleasure, your orgasms, your need for sexual contact.. that has _everything_ to do with your marriage. One of the things I've learned from this line of work is when couples stop having sex, problems follow. They try to deny it and say it's not about that or that there are other underlying issues and while there usually are, lack of sex is a fundamental part to the demise of a lot of marriages. As humans we crave intimacy, we crave human contact and we crave it from the person we signed up for the 'till death do us part' pact. So you sitting here telling me that you coming has nothing to do with your husband is a problem"

I clear my throat and realize the walls are closing in. "Water.. can I have some water?" I say looking at him and he knows I'm only asking because I need space. _I need air and he's crowding me. I can't think when he's that close. I'm trying so hard to keep the dirty thoughts of letting him fuck me right on this couch where I sit with my husband out of my head. But every time he speaks, every time I breathe in his scent I have a flash of his cock sliding through my folds and I have to resist the moan sitting in the back of my throat._ He gets up and moves towards the side of the room and I see him pouring something. When he moves back towards me he has a glass in each hand. One is water and the other is an amber colored liquid. He puts both on the table in front of me and I look up. I grab the amber colored liquid and waft it under my nose before setting it down. "A little early for whiskey don't you think?" I say as I down the water in one gulp.

"You seemed a little wound up. I thought you could use it to calm your nerves. You're never this nervous in therapy" he says sitting back down next to me and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. _You study people's body language, can't you see I need space?!_

"You're never… usually you sit there" I point at the chair in front of me.

"So _I_ make you nervous then?"

"Ummm" I say nervous for the next words to fly out of my mouth. _Yes you make me nervous because I desperately want to taste your cum._

" _Why_ do I make you nervous? Do I scare you?"

"No"

"Do you think I would hurt you?"

"No"

"Do you trust me?"

I chance a look at him and I immediately regret it because I see the mask he's been hiding behind for the first time. I haven't been out of the game so long that I don't know when a man wants me. And this man _wants_ me. _Your move, Ana. What do you want?_ "Yes" I say letting out a breath. And I wonder what I'm saying yes to. _His question about whether I trust him or… something else?_ "This morning" I say before he can respond to my answer. He looks at me confused and I continue. "I made myself come this morning"

He looks me over from head to toe and I'm beginning to see this conversation take a dangerous turn. "How?"

"How did I make myself come?" He nods and I see his resolve weakening. _But do I want it to? Or do I want him to stay strong. He's my therapist. I'm in marriage counseling._ "My hand"

His eyes drop to my hands in my lap. "What did you think about?"

 _I certainly know what I'll be thinking about the second I get home. Hell maybe sooner. It wouldn't surprise me if I had my hand inside of my panties the second I get to my car._ "My husband. When the sex was good"

"Don't lie to me" he says immediately.

I furrow my brows. "I'm not!"

"A fantasy is just that Anastasia, a _fantasy_. It's something deliciously forbidden usually. An act that isn't safe anywhere but in the four corners of your mind. Words you can't even bring yourself to utter out loud. Maybe after the moment you come you feel a moment of clarity before the inevitable shame that comes with your nasty thoughts. But it's there. It's always there, lurking"

"You seem to know a lot about these forbidden fantasies"

"Not until recently"

"Is that so?" I say and I'm starting to think that I might be the star of the dirty thoughts he has while he's jacking off. _Or maybe he fucks women and calls them my name in bed. Fuck that's hot._ "What do you think about then?"

He shakes his head. "We aren't here to talk about me"

"Tell me"

"No Anastasia"

"Is it… someone you can't have?" I push further and his eyes narrow at me.

"I can have anyone I want, Anastasia." He growls at me and I wonder if I struck a nerve.

I swallow as I feel the air slowly leaving the room. The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. "Not your patients. Legally you can't have them"

"I'm a marriage counselor. Morally I can't have them either."

"I know. Makes the fantasy even more dirty" _I know I'm playing with fire right now and I wonder if Dr. Grey will indulge me in this sexy game of cat and mouse. I don't see myself giving into the urges but I'm dying to get close._ "Three years ago I was cleaning out some of my husbands things. Old shit he never looks at when I found a CD. I figured it was old music, I've got a thing for nineties pop so I thought I would give it a listen. Imagine my shock when I realized it wasn't a CD but a DVD. When I popped it into my computer, my husband was on the screen with an old girlfriend. It wasn't current, he didn't cheat on me if that's what you're thinking. He has a tattoo that he got when we got married and it wasn't there. His hair was also different; he looked like a completely different person. I mean he was probably only about twenty. And to top it off the girl in question moved to Europe with her girlfriend four years ago. So I came to the conclusion that it was way before me. Why he still had it I don't know. But it didn't stop me from masterbating to it. _A lot._ I'm fairly certain at this point I have more than he has. I was so ashamed for so long and then I just accepted it. I don't know if I'm a voyeur or what it is because porn doesn't do it for me. But something about my husband and another woman. It turned me the fuck on. After about a year of non stop fucking myself to it I got rid of it. It wasn't healthy and probably has a hand in why we are here in the first place. He couldn't get me off the same way I could get myself off while I was watching him fuck an old girlfriend in every orifice of her body. How fucked up am I?"

He clears his throat as he attempts to discretely adjust himself. "I don't think that makes you fucked up Anastasia. What about the situation turned you on?"

"I don't know maybe it's the whole seeing the person you love with another person. Isn't there some sort of complex about it? When a person likes to see their lover take care of someone else because they belong to you?"

"A cuckquean fetish" he says simply. I look towards him urging him to continue with his erotic diagnosis. "A woman who takes pleasure in seeing her husband or significant other engaged in a sexual act with another."

I nod. "Yep that. I don't know if I would be able to handle it in person, but on screen… I don't know there was something so intriguing about it. Maybe it's the thrill of the forbidden."

"So that's what turns you on."

I look at him and the look he's giving me is unmistakable. _He wants me. Now. But, how bad?_ "Isn't that everyone? The things that have your hand drawn to yourself in the middle of the night? The things that send a spike in your heart rate?"

"Some are perfectly happy without the thrill."

"Sounds boring" I shrug.

"Says the woman staying with a man who gives her thrill-less boring sex"

"He's my husband"

"You keep saying that"

"It's the truth"

"Is it?"

"What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

I let out a breath and prepare myself for the words dying to leave my mouth. "I think it means you want to fuck me"

He narrows his eyes at me. "Does that thought scare you? Or will that have your hand drawn to you in the middle of the night?" He asks his breath on my cheek. I turn to face him and our faces are merely a millimeter apart.

"There's a difference between fantasy and reality. If I cross this line there's no coming back from it"

"Do you want to come back from it?"

"I want the excitement"

"And I excite you?"

"Fucking my marriage counselor does."

"Just the idea of it?" He asks his breath surrounding me, all I have to do is move an inch for our lips to touch. I'm silent. "Tell me I can"

"Can what?"

"Touch you"

"Where?" I ask knowing full well where he means.

"You know where"

I look down at the growing tent in his pants. "Please"

I feel his hand touch my thigh and I almost jump through the ceiling at the spark I feel shooting through me from his fingertips. "Stand up" he says. I swallow before following his directions. He stands as well before walking past me towards the door. I'm shocked when he walks out of it. _Was this a test? Fuck what if this was all to see if I'm loyal to Matthew? What if Matthew is here?_ My eyes widen as he walks back through the door. He looks at me before he locks the door. The sound of the click resounding off the walls.

"Where did you go?" I ask softly.

"Told my assistant to hold my calls. And also that she needed to fetch us some lunch"

"I'm not hungry." I say immediately.

"Neither am I" he says his eyes darkening. "At least not for food." I swallow as he makes his way back towards me. "Would you like to act out one of my fantasies, Mrs. Steele?"

"Oh now I'm Mrs. Steele?"

"For the sake of this fantasy you are"

"Is that your fantasy? Fucking other men's wives? Your patients?"

"No" he growls and I feel my legs buckle slightly. "Fucking Matthew Wells' wife is my fantasy"

"So you have some vendetta against my husband then?" I say raising an eyebrow as I feel him slowly lower the zipper of my pencil skirt.

"Yes. He has a sexy as fuck wife and he doesn't know what to do with her. It's a waste really. Here is this beautiful sexual creature not getting her needs met. He takes you for granted Anastasia"

"I'm aware"

"Leave him" he says as if the answer is obvious.

"I can't"

"Why?"

"Can you not try and counsel me… right now?" I say as I feel my skirt pool at my feet. He's knelt behind me and I feel his breath on my right cheek before his lips. _Fuck that feels… wow._

"I'm not counseling you. As a man who is about to be inside of another man's wife, I want to know what it is about this marriage that keeps you trapped in it. Is it money?" He stands to look at me.

"I don't want to do this now" I say as he begins to unbutton my blouse one at a time. He hums his appreciation when my blouse joins my skirt on the floor. I'm standing before him in a black bra and white panties and he narrows his eyes slightly.

"I would have suspected you'd be the matching set type. But I like it" he says before he leans forward to press a hot kiss to my lips… through my panties. "A cross between heaven and hell. Naughty and nice." I look down at him as he lowers my panties down my legs. "Once I have a taste I don't know that I'll be able to stop"

I look down at him, his face a millimeter away from the place there hasn't been in almost a year as I contemplate the decision. _This is it, Ana. Now or never._

 **End Flashback**

That was four months ago. Four months ago, on the first Monday of May I gave into my primal urges and let my marriage counselor fuck me all over his office for almost four and a half hours. When I left I was sore, sated and slightly ashamed. But I was blissfully happy and I couldn't wait for more. Two days later, before my husband and my session, I sucked him off at his desk. Two days after that, he personally called Matthew to let him know our session was cancelled, while I sat in his lap. _Naked_. Yes we were playing with fire, and yes I felt guilty but I couldn't stop. It felt too good. I felt alive. I felt happy. Fast forward to now and I know without a doubt I'm in too deep. I'm falling for a man while I belong to another. I'm falling for someone that could end his career, end my marriage, end us both. It's almost as is if I'm basking in the self-destruction. The thrill of the forbidden.

"Are you ready?" Christian asks. His words interrupting my thoughts.

"I guess" I pout as I pull my hair back in a ponytail to hide the post-coital mess it's been turned into.

"Hey, I'll see you Wednesday?" Christian says lifting my chin to meet his gaze. He rubs his mouth over mine, sliding his tongue through my lips. I nod against his mouth. "Call me later?"

I nod again. The thing about having a husband that barely pays you any attention is that you can have an affair under his nose and he doesn't even notice. The phone calls, the texts that have me smiling from ear to ear, the pep in my step every Monday, Wednesday and Friday go unnoticed by my husband. At this rate, he probably would assume Kate and I are having an affair with how often I use her as an alibi. "Yes. Maybe around seven?"

"Don't make me wait too much longer than that, Anastasia"

"Yes Dr. Grey" I say with a wicked smirk and his eyes darken.

"Don't start something we can't finish."

"Oh Dr. Grey" I purr. "Ever since we started our private sessions, I _always_ finish" I giggle before I'm out his door into his waiting area. As always when I leave his office, the walls come up and I'm a completely different person. I sit in the chair and wait for my husband to arrive, his secretary eyeing me just as she does every time I "arrive early" for my sessions.

"Sorry I'm late" Matthew says coming through the door. I stand up and he wraps an arm around me before kissing my cheek. "Traffic was a nightmare"

"No worries" I say forcing a smile onto my lips.

"Shall we?" He says as he points toward the door.

"Go right in, he's expecting you" his secretary offers while giving me a look.

 _I feel the judgment coming out of her eyes but I know she wouldn't dare. Christian pays her a small fortune. For her talents? Her silence? Probably both._ "Thank you, Andrea" I say. And I hope she gets the double meaning.

We walk into the office, where I came no less than twenty minutes ago and I see Christian sitting at his desk. Immediately my body reacts. Like Pavlov's dog, I begin to salivate. _Well my body does. My pussy is literally drooling at the sight of him._ "Mrs. Steele, Mr. Wells. Have a seat" he says standing up and making his way towards us. "How are you?" He asks looking between us, careful not to focus on me too long.

"Good. Better." Matthew says immediately. "That exercise you gave us Friday was interesting. Gave me some clarity" he says and I resist the snort from escaping. _Christian gave us an exercise where we had to make a list of all of the things we liked about each other when we first met and then compare to see if those things that made us fall in love in the beginning have changed. They certainly have._

"What did you find?" Christian asks.

"That Ana doesn't look at me the way she used to"

My eyes narrow as I think about the ludicrousness of his statement. "Oh and you do?"

"He asked what I found"

"You don't even want to know what I found" I mumble to myself.

"Oh and what is that?" Matthew asks, taunting me.

"One at a time. Mr. Wells, the rest of your list"

"I also think she's sleeping with someone else"

"What!" I say both for the show and well.. because I want to know what the hell I've done to make him think I have. _What has he noticed? I thought I was covering my tracks._

"You're… different."

"How so?"

"Ana I've known you for the better part of a decade, I know you."

"What makes you think this Mr. Wells?" Christian asks and I have to resist the urge to give him a look that says _fix this! Talk him out of it. Do something!_

"Little things. It's hard to explain. Things don't bother her. She's been agreeable. And she's not initiating sex"

"I got tired of being turned down!" I argue.

"Mrs. Steele" Christian says. "Let him finish"

"You hangout with Kate and come back walking like you just got off a horse. I went to Harvard Ana, I wasn't born yesterday. And to add insult to injury you turned me down for sex last week"

"I had a migraine"

"Bullshit" he pauses and he looks as if he wants to say something else so I stay quiet. "I saw it in the shower" he says casually and I wonder what he's saying. Matthew and I haven't been in the shower together- _wait_.

"What?"

"Last week, when I tried to join you in the shower and you all but pushed me out. I saw the purple. On your inner thigh. A hickey. Just a glimpse but enough to know that I didn't give it to you"

I'm silent, I let Christian mark me there because Matthew never goes there. Even if I were to fuck him he never has his face down there where it would be visible. I wonder how I'm going to talk myself out of his hole when Christian begins to speak. "Is this the first you're hearing of this, Ana? Your husband's hypothesis?"

The tears flood my eyes as I nod. "Yes"

I see the tissue box in front of me and I reach for it pulling one out and putting them over my eyes. To hide them from the two men staring at me. _Think Ana._ "I'm not cheating on you, Matt." I say after a moment. "I don't know what you saw but it wasn't a hickey"

He eyes me for a moment before looking back to Christian. "Fine"

"I think everyone should just take a deep breath. Maybe we need a minute. Mrs. Steele would you like some water?"

"Yes please" I say softly. I follow him with my eyes as he moves through the room and then towards me with a glass of water. "Thank you" I say as I take the water from him.

"Mr Wells" Christian begins. "What did you feel when you first had the feeling that Mrs. Steele had been unfaithful?"

"I wanted to kill the man that touched her. I'm the only man she's ever been with and to know someone else did… drove me crazy. I was angry. I've never been a jealous person.. maybe because Ana has never given me a reason to be. But I was filled with this jealous rage." He turns to me. "I wanted to fuck you into next week so you knew who you belonged to. But you won't fucking touch me. And I feel like an asshole having to coerce my wife to sleep with me" he shakes his head and I feel my body tense. "Then I hated you. For letting someone touch you."

"I…" I start wondering how to spin the lie. "I would never want to do anything to jeopardize things between us." I swallow hard trying to get down the bitter pill of lies and betrayal.

"I know, Ana. You're too pure and sweet to do anything to hurt anyone. I know things have been shitty lately. I kept telling myself it would be different when this deal went through. But it's been months. And they haven't.. and you and us have taken a backseat and I hate myself for it. I wouldn't blame you if you were unfaithful. I haven't exactly been the perfect husband. I've neglected you. Ignored you. God when is the last time I've even made you come?" I can't look him in the eye as my brain has associated the word 'come' with the man in front of me instead of the man to my left. I let out a deep breath and let my eyes find Christian. "I want to try and make things right. I mean really try, Ana. I love you and I'm sorry… for everything. And maybe you've made a mistake in the past. I don't care, I just want to start fresh. Start new. You and me… like it used to be before we got married. Please" he pleads with me and I don't know what to say. _How do I answer this in front of… my lover?_

The rest of the hour is tense. It's taking everything out of me not to look at Christian too long. I don't think Christian is even in Matthew's realm of who he suspects my lover may be but I can't be too sure. Before I know it the hour is up and Matthew and I are heading towards the door. "Well Mr. Wells, Mrs. Steele you both certainly have some things to discuss."

I clear my throat before nodding as I try to push out the nervous energy I have flowing through me. "Right. Well thank you Dr. Grey" I say wanting to get out of the room as soon as possible. I know Christian well enough to know the quick shift in his demeanor the second Matthew told me he loved me and wanted to give it a more valiant effort. He became clinical almost cold. A vast difference to his usual self. I'm following Matthew out of the room when I feel a hand resting on my ass and a gentle squeeze. I gasp quietly not to alert the man walking a step ahead of me and I don't dare look at the one behind me.

"So I'll see you both on Wednesday?" He says and I nod having lost all ability to speak after having my lover grope me behind the literal back of my husband. "See you then" he says before heading back to his office without another word. My husband reaches for my hand, interlacing our fingers and in that moment I know I'm fucked. I'm in a relationship with two men and neither of them are giving me up.


	8. Entry 7

.

 **Forbidden Fruit**

 _ **Christian/Anastasia  
Forbidden Love: Affair**_

* * *

He watched as her silky mahogany hair fell down her back. She was pale, petite, and so beautiful. She was innocent.  
She was writhing and moaning in ecstasy. It was the first time she had been touched in such a way. The broad tongue strokes over her clit were pushing her over the edge. She glistened with sweat as she chased her release. The young blonde between her legs was an expert and was in complete control. The release would be mind blowing. Christian was mesmerized watching the two beauties, he could feel how tight his slacks were becoming. Then it happened, the ministrations lead to her explosion. Her body tensed before she let out a guttural moan that can mean only one thing.  
Christian locked eyes with her, although the deep bourbon drew him in, they couldn't compare to the sapphire orbs that he chased in his dreams. The one person who had touched his frozen heart.

Did he really want her or was it simply because she was a forbidden fruit. Something to lust after from afar but not touch. In some instances, it is best to admire from afar. The thoughts of just trying her once was overwhelming. Was she as sweet as he imagined?

"Cut." the director called from across the soundstage. Christian was pulled out of his thoughts. "Leila, I need you to pretend the camera isn't here. I know this is your first time, but we try to make our movies seem realistic. Let's take a ten minute break and set up for the next scene."

"Mr. Grey, can I ask you what you thought?" Leila asked trying to be seductive. Leila might be a virgin, but she was not stupid. She would do anything to get into his pants. Unfortunately, she had no idea his hard-on was from fantasizing about the blue eyed goddess.

"Leila, the director can help you with any questions. I must be going."

"Are you sure you can't help me practice?" Leila's staring at my crotch was nowhere near discreet.

With a huff, I turned away from the young woman just as Ros was approaching.  
"Boss, you're leaving already? You usually stay for a new actor's first scenes. The next scene has a few of our latest toys." Ros questioned.

"I have a meeting to prepare for. I know you can handle it." I need to get out of here he thought.  
Ros has been my business partner since we were at Harvard. She is also the COO and heads the toy development department.

"Nice casting, of yet another beautiful petite brunette, what am I missing?"

" I don't know what you are talking about Ros. Talk to casting, I am sure we can find someone that suits your desire. Is your flavor of the month already done for? She only lasted three weeks." Christian laughed as he walked away. He loved to rile Ros. If only she knew that I only had one woman that I couldn't get out of my mind. She is soft, sweet, and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.

"Andrea, I am not going back to filming this week. Get me the Realtor in Los Angeles for the new club." While waiting, I stared out the windows of my empire. Grey House was a series of buildings in downtown Seattle. The thirty story high rise held most of the employees. Across the street was the first adult toy store. What started in my Harvard dorm room, was now global.

Next door was the club where even movie stars and celebrities had to wait to get into the VIP sections. What the Playboy club once did behind closed doors was now the norm. No strippers or poles with sequined thongs covered in glitter. Dancing, music, concerts, gourmet food, and drinks made Grey club the place to be.

People say that I was normalizing sex but what was so bad in that? If some toys or a little kink enhanced your sex life, how was that bad?

Sex was the catalyst to get past my touch issues and nightmares as a teen. My first girlfriend taught me that touch could be sensual and invigorating, not painful. Unless, that is what you want. She taught me so much, but most importantly, she helped me gain my freedom. She preferred the kinkier side of sex, which I had no desire for. BDSM might not be what got my flag at attention, but it was one of the company's biggest selling categories. I have tried as many new products as possible, and love to oversee the new film stars. Many have made it so mainstream and become household stars and parlayed their career out of the adult industry.  
No matter, how many billions my company is worth or how much of a success I am, I will always be seen as the black sheep of the family. I know that Grace and Carrick love me, but they don't approve of my company. They are more concerned about appearances.

After a day full of meetings, Christian was ready to call it a day.

"Mr. Grey you have an unexpected visitor in the lobby. She has been cleared by security but she isn't on your schedule."

Andrea's voice over the intercom sounds nervous. What could she be nervous about? "Andrea who is the visitor?"

"Sir, it is your mother."

"Thank you Andrea, please send her up."

Christian is beyond surprised, in the time since he graduated Harvard and started his company, Grace has never come to Grey Entertainment.

Remembering his ingrained manners, Christian waited for his mother near the elevator and kissed his her on the cheek. " Mother, what a surprise! Is everything alright?"

Grace is looking around at all the employees in suits and myself in my designer suit.  
"Christian your building is beautiful! The view of Downtown is amazing! I had no idea."

"Mother, I know you don't approve of my company, but what did you think? That, I worked in a warehouse in the middle of a giant orgy? I have an HR Dept, S&R, philanthropy, education, product development, and several dozen of other departments." We do so much more, but I give her the cliff notes version as I show her into my office.

"Did you say philanthropy and education?"Grace questions.

"Yes, I have a team that helps me decide how to donate a few million a week. We work with UDUB and provide full scholarships for all employees that want to continue their education from GED, under grad, post grad, or other certifications. Happy and loyal employees have been one of our greatest success. Don't be so shocked mom. Grey Entertainment is one of Forbes best companies to work for. I have had one actor become a doctor and several start in the mail room and make it up to executives."  
I know I shouldn't take pleasure in this, but did she really think I was making videos in a basement? If only they would take five minutes to talk to me, instead of constantly expecting the worse. I am not the crack whore or her pimp.

"I had no idea Christian! That is truly remarkable!" Her shock is undeniable.

"Would you like a drink? What has brought you all the way to my neck of the woods?" Why do I have a feeling that I will hate this.

"No thank you. I don't know if you are aware, but Elliot and Ana got engaged last month. Your father and I are throwing them an engagement party next weekend. I know that you avoid family celebrations, but it would be highly inappropriate if you don't attend. You and Ana were such great friends as children and your brother would appreciate your support."

"They are getting married?" What!? NO! This can't be happening! I always thought I would get another chance. What can I do? Should I tell her? Think Grey, you need to say something and then you can formulate a plan after.

"Mom, I doubt Ray or dad really want me to attend. They have made it abundantly clear that I am a disappointment and persona non grata, since I wouldn't fit into the little box that they expected. I also doubt that Elliot would even notice if I passed."

"I have spoken to Ray and your father, they will both be on their best behavior. Your brother would miss you. Mia will be back from Paris and what about Ana?"

What about Ana? Could I change things? Should I? If my family doesn't hate me now, how would they feel if I stole Ana away?

"Mother, I was about to leave for the day, would you like to join me for dinner? You can tell me more about the party."

I know I shouldn't manipulate this situation, but the look on her face tells me I can ask just about anything right now. This might be my biggest hostile takeover yet, and with the best payoff.

As we walked towards the elevator, I ask Andrea to get me a table at Canlis.

"Mother would like to ride with me? Taylor will be driving so we can have some wine."

"That sounds great Christian, but who is Taylor, your chauffeur?" Seeming confused Grace asks.

"Taylor does drive me, but he is my CPO, Close Protection Officer." Taylor has been with me for three years. Has it really been that long since she has noticed what is going on?

"What do you need a CPO for? You run a company, you are not a movie star or Justin Beaver. Is this really necessary?"

"My head of security for Grey Entertainment and my lawyers are adamant that I have a CPO after the shooting a few years ago."

"Shooting! What are you talking about Christian?"

Fuck! Me and my big mouth. "Mother calm down. A few years ago one of my actresses left an abusive marriage. She had showed up to set covered in bruises. I had security help her get her belongings, and she worked with a local psychologist and filed for divorce. The guy didn't take it well and came here drunk and looking for a confrontation. I was just arriving and he shot at me, but it only hit my shoulder. Claude my kickboxing instructor arrived moments later and subdued him before anyone could be seriously hurt. Most of the damage was to the glass of the building, which is now bulletproof."

"Why am I just learning about this now? What did the doctor say? What happened to him? Is the young woman alright?" Grace is in mama bear mode. I haven't seen this side of her in a long time.

"Jack Hyde was arrested and with the host of previous warrants he will be in jail for at least ten years. Elizabeth is fine. She ended up going back to school and is pursuing a degree in social work. I had a quick surgery to remove the bullet and was home the next day. The reason you are just finding out now, is because I didn't think you would care. It wasn't serious or someone would have called you." It might be a low blow, but I really didn't think they would care. I didn't want to hear that same old speech about how I could be a wonderful businessman, if I had gone into mergers and acquisitions. I am a businessman, I still have M&A, just not ones they are proud of.

"Christian…. do you really think I wouldn't care? I despise this feud between you and your father. I know Ray didn't help but if you are sick or hurt as your parent I would like to know. What else have you been hiding?" The tears running down her face and the sincerity in Grace's voice shows she is hurt.

What a loaded question. What else have I been hiding? Sorry, mom but I don't think you would be very understanding about what I plan to do.

"Mom, I apologize if I have upset you, that was never my intention. I promise nothing else like that has happened. Let's go to dinner and I will answer more of your questions. Is Canlis still your favorite? They have a wonderful new head chef. Would you like to do the tasting menu?" Diversion, lying by omission, manipulating my mother, and plotting to steal my brothers fiancé has my trip to hell paved in gold!

Dinner has been surprisingly pleasant! Mom has given me a little insight into Elliot and Ana's relationship. I still don't understand it, but I am playing the part of happy son. We have discussed Grey Entertainment without getting into the "unsavory details" as she had put it in the past.

"Christian" mom interrupts me from my musing. "Where do you think Elliott and Ana might go for their honeymoon? A couples first time together is so memorable."

"You mean they haven't fuc… Slept together in three years of being together?" I knew Ana was pure, but I want her even more. I wonder if it is true? I know Elliot isn't a virgin, but he has been able to hide it better. "As a teenager Ana always wanted to go to Australia. She dreamt about going to a koala sanctuary, seeing the Great Barrier Reef, and bungy jump off of Sydney Harbor Bridge. She had a bucket list of adventures. She loved JRR Tolkien and spoke about visiting the film set in New Zealand but this was a long time ago. I don't know if her dreams or desires have changed."

"That is a wonderful idea! I will let Elliot know. I know he wants to make the honeymoon special. Thank you for the help."

The rest of dinner was pleasant enough. But, I couldn't get past the fact that after three years Elliot and Ana had not been together. Are they just saying that for the parents? How did I know more about a 15 year old Ana than Elliot knows of his fiancée? Maybe this is a sign that I still have a chance!

Really? Since when have you believed in signs or luck? If you want something, you go out and get it. Stop pussyfooting around and get the girl. She should have at least one wild night before she is married.

I have two weeks before I spend three days at my parents. Whoever heard of a engagement party as an event. Family dinner Friday night, Bbq and pool party on Saturday with a formal party Saturday night, and another family brunch on Sunday. It seems like a lot of showboating. Isn't the marriage supposed to be what's important?

Steps to seduction of Anastasia Steele:

Remind her of our past friendship

Apologize for the incident

Get her alone

Make her scream my name

I have texted Claude and I have two workouts a day scheduled. I even texted Elliot, and he will come over for a few beers next week. No better way of finding out what type of relationship they have, then going to the source. Plus, he might let some information slip that I can use.

Welch has sent me a background check on Ana. I know she is clear but every bit of information is helpful. I even set up a twitter and instagram account, so I can discreetly stalk her. Apparently, it is what people do. I can see the appeal, at least when it comes to Anastasia. This could become addictive.

 _Later that week_

Elliot is on his way up in the elevator. He has never been to Escala so this should be interesting.

"Hey Chris, nice place you got here! I have never been in this building, the view is spectacular! What have you been up to? I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving. Who is your new flavor of the month?" Elliot speaks a mile a minute.

Elliot is his normal carefree self throughout the night, but something seems off. Shouldn't he be celebrating? He hasn't mentioned Ana once. After several beers and a few more shots than I had planned, we are both drunk. I wasn't expecting Elliot's question.

"So Christian, do you fuck everyone of those girls in your movies?"

"El my dick would fall off. We have over a hundred female actresses and some don't do men. We have a large lesbian and gay fan base. Their films are different from the girl on girl or guy on guy action that a lot of guys like to watch. Why do you ask?" I question.

"Well you know Jose?" Elliot is apprehensive, that is strange. I nod.

Jose and Elliot have been best friends since high school. They went to UCLA together and run their company, which consists of six restaurants throughout Washington.

"He was telling me about your business. I had no idea how big it was! He mentioned that you have the largest toy company in the US. I guess I didn't realize your company had expanded so much. How many types of vibrators can you really make?"

Elliot's question makes me laugh out loud. He really doesn't know "Come on El I want to show you my playroom."

"What does an Xbox have to do with sex toys? Are they remote controlled or something?"

Elliot looks truly perplexed and I buckle over laughing. "No, but that wouldn't be a bad idea. I will talk to Ros. When I first started Grey Entertainment, I would keep the first product from the production line as a souvenir. Even I couldn't imagine how large my company would get. My playroom is some of our most successful toys. Ros was visiting once and she said it looked like a sex dungeon with everything in there. I didn't like the thought of having a dungeon, the slave thing doesn't do it for me but playroom sounded right."

I open the door that sits at the end of the hallway and let Elliot in. The look of shock and maybe amazement is evident. I don't think I would show this to Elliot under normal circumstances, but I know the alcohol is helping, and I will be able to ask him some probing questions.

After ten minutes of walking around the room and touching different implements, Elliot finally speaks.

"Your company makes all of these?" Elliot is awed.

"This and more. I ran out of room so the shop downtown has cases of toys on display and makeshift rooms that are themed so people can get ideas." As I try to explain, Elliot cuts me off.

"You let people have sex in your store? How is that legal?" Elliot's shock and indignation is evident.

"Elliot I am not a pimp! The rooms are open to the showroom. They are not private and they aren't made for use. Think of it as a kinky IKEA. We sell most everything you could need except the beds or the partners." I am trying to stay calm! People jumping to conclusions, and making it sound like I am the pimp in the alley with a girl strung out on drugs, has gotten old.

"Sorry, I will endeavor to be less judgemental. I appreciate you showing me all of this. Can you tell me what some of them are?"

After spending an hour on the intricacies of different vibrators, anal beads, nipple clamps, buttblugs, and an offer to let Elliot pick out what he wants for the honeymoon….I finally have a chance to question him about his engagement.

"So El, mom mentioned the honeymoon being your first time together. How have you lasted three years?" I can't imagine three years without sex.

"I guess I have a great imagination." Elliot seems uncomfortable talking about this. He just questioned me about floggers and cockrings with less embarrassment.

"So are you excited? You seriously haven't done anything?" The thought of Elliot touching Ana makes me want to punch him, but I hold it back. She isn't mine...yet.

"Of course, it will be great. Our first time together. Why wouldn't I be excited?"

"Are you alright El? You look like you are going to be sick."

"I think I had one too many shots. I think it is time I got some sleep. I promised to call. I was supposed to call my beloved a few hours ago. I need to check in."

"You can crash in one of the guest rooms. You shouldn't be driving like this. I will call Ana for you." I lead Elliot to the guest room across the hall. He's passed out in less than a minute.

Once in my bedroom I decide that it might be too late to call Ana, so I text her instead.

C: Hello, Anastasia.

El had too much to drink and is asleep in the guest room. He said he was supposed to call you, so I wanted to let you know.

A: Christian?!

C: Yes

A: Thanks for letting me know, but I spoke to Elliot a few hours ago and he said he was at your place and would call me tomorrow.

C: Sorry to bother you. I will see you next weekend.

Who was Elliot talking about if he didn't mean Ana? It was probably just the ramblings of drunk man.

I was hoping Ana would have engaged in a little bit more conversation, but no such luck. Just as I am finally falling asleep, I get a text.

A: I am glad that you and Elliot are spending time together. He misses his brother.

C: I didn't realize how much I missed him too. If only things were different.

A: it is never too late.

C: It wasn't me who decided I was not good enough for the family.

A: That is not how it went and you know it.

Plus, I was willing to walk away from my dad when you pushed me away.

C: Can we talk about that? I would like my friend back. Can we meet for lunch?

Ten minutes without a reply. Did she fall asleep? I would like my friend back that would be nice, but I also want Anastasia. I have typed out several messages, but have just enough will power to delete them. I don't want to seem desperate.

A: Elliot has a business meeting tomorrow night, are you free?

If only she knew what I would blow off for her.

I was supposed to fly out to LA to see the new club's location, but I can push that back.

C: I don't have anything planned. Do you want to talk over dinner? We can go wherever you want. Just let me know.

Great job at not sounding like a pathetic ass. Why hasn't someone invented a way to unsend a text message?

A: I will cook. You used to love my cooking. My apartment is in Pike Place. 7 pm work?

C: That's great. See you tomorrow.

A: Goodnight Christian

C: Goodnight Anastasia

Does it count as flirting if the other person doesn't know? That worked out. I don't know why talking to Anastasia makes me feel like a teenager. At work I can be talking to a room full of naked people and not get flustered. But, a few texts with Ana has me needing a cold shower.

I knock on Anastasia's door. She opens it wearing yoga pants that hug her tight little ass, showing each of her curves. She is in a tank top and her hair is in a messy bun. She is truly the most beautiful creature I have ever seen!

"Christian hello, you are early. I was just getting ready and made a mess while cooking. Come in and make yourself at home while I change. I will be right back." Ana walks into her bedroom, the door does not close, and I have the perfect view of her reflection. Her silhouette is breathtaking. She has small, soft curves and the dim light accentuates every inch. She dresses in white skinny jeans, as well as, a white shirt that hangs off her shoulders.

"Christian will you dance with me?" Ana asks as she flips on the sound system. She strides over to me and I look like an idiot just standing there. Her hands tear open my dress shirt and buttons go flying. She rubs her hands up and down my chest and kisses up and down my neck. Her hands make their way into my hair and she pulls me into a searing kiss. We start to move to the song.

When your baby leaves you all alone  
And nobody call you on the phone  
Doncha feel like crying  
Doncha feel like crying  
Well, here I am, my honey c'mon baby, cry to me  
When you're all alone in your lonely room  
And there's nothing but the smell of her perfume  
Doncha feel like crying  
Doncha feel like crying  
Doncha feel like crying  
C'mon baby,cry to me  
Nothing could be sadder than a glass of wine alone

Just as a new song starts, Ana pulls off her shirt. She wraps her legs around my waist and we end up pressed against the wall. We are all hands and mouths, and the look in her eyes tells me she is just as hungry for this as I am.

We move to the couch and I take pleasure in removing every piece of clothing. I kiss up one leg and then the other. Ana's moans are pushing me over the edge and I haven't even tasted her. I spread her legs and kiss every inch of her. She tastes exquisite! I will never get enough. My tongue started circling her clit. Ana's body rises off the couch, but I don't let up. She finds her release and I love the thought that I gave her, her first orgasm.

"Oh, Christian!" Ana's voice sounds like a prayer.

"Baby, I am just starting." I strip off my clothes and slowly sink into her. I have found heaven. I thrust in and out, and the feeling is euphoric. Ana meets me thrust for thrust and I know I won't last much longer. I suck on each of her pert nipples. She is so sensitive that she reaches her second orgasm and her clenching walls push me over the edge.

Thank fuck!

I am startled awake. I am sweaty, sticky and alone in my bed. What the fuck? As I look up I notice that the scene from Dirty Dancing where Baby and Johnny have sex for the first time, is playing. Well, that explains the dream.

I must have fallen asleep. I haven't watched this since Ana and I were teens. It was always her favorite guilty pleasure that she hid from her dad. I wonder if tonight will be anything like my dream? I can only hope.

I knocked on Anastasia's door. She opens it wearing white skinny jeans, that hug her tight little ass showing each of her curves. I pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming again.

Ouch!… okay I am awake. Unlike my dream, she has a light blue t-shirt on and her hair is flowing down her back.

"Hey Christian, welcome to my apartment. Please come in."

Anastasia is as beautiful as always. "Thank you for giving me a chance to talk to you. I wasn't sure what you were making, but I brought a bottle of cabernet Sauvignon." As I hand Ana the bottle our hands graze each other's and I can feel a spark run through my body. It is invigorating. Has this connection always been present?

"Thank you, this will be perfect with dinner. I made a charred gruyere burgers, garlic sweet potato fries, and a Caesar salad. I hope you are hungry."

As I follow Ana through her apartment to the kitchen, I can't seem to keep my eyes off her pert ass. How the fuck has Elliot been able to resist her for so long?

"That sounds delicious. I hope it wasn't too much trouble?" The savory smells that have engulfed the kitchen and my nostrils are intoxicating.

"It was no problem. I love to cook when I have the time, but it is much more enjoyable to share a meal. Elliot works such long hours, I spend a lot of my nights alone."

Ana's admission is heartbreaking, not only because of the sadness in her eyes as well as her voice, but I also realize that most of my meals are by myself also. Unless, I am at a meeting.

"Your apartment suits you. The warm colors and homey feel are just like you." Not wanting the night to be depressing, I change the subject.

"I have enjoyed decorating it. This has been the first place that I have really been on my own. No roommates that bring home a random guy every night. I don't have a curfew or have to answer to my dad. It is very freeing and empowering at the same time. Dinner will be ready in a few, feel free to look around. Make yourself comfortable." With that, Ana turns towards the kitchen.

I take the opportunity to look around at the portraits and artwork covering the walls. Mount Rainer, the Space Needle, gum wall, and a host of flowers, rivers and wildlife. What surprises me are the pictures from our childhood together. Family pictures of the Grey's and the Steele's, our vacation to Disneyland, camping, fishing with dad and Ray, all of us kids doing homework on the kitchen table, Mia and Ana playing dress up,even one of Elliot and I letting the girls give us makeovers. We had glitter in our hair for a week. I believe all of my best childhood memories include Ana.

"I took all of those pictures." Ana states, pointing to the scenic portraits I was just admiring. "This picture is my favorite, it is when you taught me how to ride my bike without training wheels." Ana states pointing to a picture frame on the mantle. " You wouldn't let me quit even after I scraped up both knees. You told me everything worthwhile takes practice, patience, and hard work. I continue to use that as my motto." Ana kisses my cheek "Thank you for believing in me."

Her lips flowing over my cheek, although innocent on her side, has my cock at full attention. I know I should try to think of something else, but I wouldn't mind getting caught.

"Dinner's ready. Why don't we eat, catch up, and afterwards you can tell me what you wanted to discuss Christian, I am intrigued."

Ana plates up a beautiful meal that is mouthwateringly fantastic. The first few minutes of silence were painful, but once the awkwardness dropped off it was like being teenagers again. Somehow, I had let out parents ruin our friendship. We used to talk to each other for hours. What was I thinking? Once our meal is finished we move to the sofa and just stare at each other.

Ana is the first to speak. "What did you want to talk about Christian? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy talking to you. But you have hardly grunted a sentence to me in the last seven years unless, we were at a family gathering, what has changed?"

" Well, mom told me that you and Elliot are engaged. I am… happy for you both. I thought it would be great to clear the air and apologize for my behavior seven years ago." Time to grovel Grey. You won't have a chance in hell of seducing her if she can't stand you. "What do you know about what was going on?"

"Let's see.." the look of determination should be a warning…"you were nineteen years old and I was sixteen. I had the biggest crush on my best friend. He had no idea, thanks for that lift in my self-confidence. I had been crushing hard for years. When you came back from Harvard for summer break, I thought things would be the same as they had always been. Boy was I wrong! Not only did you have a secret fuck buddy for the three previous years, but Grace walked in on you and her on the phone. Where said fuck buddy was telling you that you 'had mastered pleasing two women at once and soon you would be the king of anal."

I believe you were forbidden to see her. When you refused, they threatened to cut off funding for Harvard. Then you went crazy and went off on everyone including me. Speakerphone wasn't the best idea. Does that sum it up?"

The disgust in Ana's voice is coming through in full force. So, she knows more than I could imagine. This should be fun. I need more wine.

" Ana, I am sorry I didn't look at you as more than a friend back then but that has," shit I almost told her how I felt. "Chelsea Lincoln helped me in so many ways. I know that sex is supposed to be evil according to our fathers, but that isn't true. Chelsea showed me that sex could be amazing. That all touch is not pain inducing. You know what my nightmares were like, you know I couldn't even hug my parents or my best friend." I look up and see Ana sobbing into her shirt. That wasn't what I expected.

"Ana, why are you crying?" What did I do?

"You you, don't have the nightmares about your mom or her pimp any….anymore?" Ana sobs through her question.

I scoot over on the couch and pull Ana's hand over toward my chest. She gasps once she realizes what I am going to do. The tears that ensue are a mix of sadness and happiness. After minutes of crying, Ana finally calms down and the biggest breathtaking smile spread across her beautiful face.

"They wanted you to give this up? Did they understand?" Ana's question is the same one I have been asking for years.

"I explained everything to my parents, but they were concerned about appearances. Chelsea's mom ran a dating company that was rumored to be an escort service. How would that look? The social standing implications were more important than the fact that it was helping me. I had to cut everyone off, so nobody knew what my private life was like. That was the only way I could finish school without everyone knowing what was going on. Not that it made a difference in the end. Once I started my company, my dad and your dad basically said I was a disappointment. Ray made sure to tell me to stay away from you. It wasn't appropriate for a young lady like you to associate with scum like me." The words still hurt. I guess the "I will always love you" crap that parents spout is bullshit. It should be "I will always love you as long as you do exactly what I say."

I don't really understand Rays condemnation.

Ray was never married to Carla. He was a military Chaplain. After his friend Frank was killed, he over compensated with tequila and the base's bimbo. It just so happens that Ray was the lucky one to knock Carla up. She had Ana and left with a General that promised to marry her.  
I know Ray has kept her sheltered, and she was not allowed to date, but he was fine with Ana and I being friends.  
It wasn't until he found out I was having sex, that he freaked out. If I was going to try something, wouldn't I have already done it? Ray has been my parents neighbor for as long as I could remember. He is a carpenter in his spare time. Elliot and I used to hang out all the time, so we could learn how to build stuff. Ray's family came from money, so he never had to work, but seminary was his passion.

When Ray said Ana was off limits, it was like losing the last of my family.

"Christian!" Ana's soft voice and hand caressing my cheek pulls me out of my memories.

"Sorry, I guess I got pulled into my memories. I am sorry about how I acted. At the time, I believed it was worth distancing myself from my family and you. I don't know if things can be different with my family, but I don't want to lose you. You make me feel normal." I reach over and caress the back of Ana's hand. Her soft skin is like a balm. I feel better by just being near her. The air is electric, Ana's eyes are bloodshot from all the crying, but she still looks like a goddess. She places her hand on my chest. I think she is checking if it is still alright. Her breathtaking smile appears as she realizes that she can still touch me. She transforms in front of me, from joyous to wanting. It is as a magical spell is pulling her to me. As she starts to lean in, I trace my hand down her back causing her to shiver. Just as our lips are about to make contact her phone starts to ring.

Just like that the spell is broken and Ana answers the phone.

"Hello...Hi Elliot. We finished dinner but haven't had dessert...What do you mean you are going out of town tomorrow?...For a week?..This just came up?... No, I understand….I will see you when you get back from Napa…. goodbye."

"Anastasia, why are you crying? What did Elliot ..?" Before I have a chance to finish the question, Ana has pushed me back on the couch and has straddled my hips. Her lips make contact with mine, but instead of the soft sensual kiss I was expecting, I feel her need and the punishing rhythm she is setting. I can feel how hot she is through her pants as she grinds up and down my now granite cock. This is not a want you kiss, it is a I am angry at my fiancée kiss, with dry humping thrown in. Could I actually get a taste of her?

She continues to move while her hands are in my hair holding me steadfast. I think I have gone to heaven. The feeling is invigorating and then it happens, I feel her tears running down my face.

"Ana... sweetheart, we need to stop." Her moans are fanning the flames of my desire, but my heart is telling me she is hurt. I pull away and turn Ana, so she is sitting on my lap but not straddling me anymore. " Ana, what's going on?"

"First Elliot doesn't want to touch me, now you. Do I smell? Am I bad kisser? Why doesn't anyone want me? What is it?" Ana's pleading is gut wrenching.

"Ana, look at me" she shakes her head and continues to weep. "Ana do you feel what you are sitting on?" I thrust my hips up a little so she can feel how hard I am for her. The blush on her cheeks tells me she can feel it.

"I would love nothing more than to show you the different levels of ecstasy, but you are upset. You would hate me afterwards, and I would hate myself. I am not the sex crazed monster our fathers believe me to be. I don't know what is going on with you and Elliot, but I am here for you."

What the fuck Grey, what happened to seducing her so you get one taste? You felt how hot she was for you. Apparently, my two brains disagree. Unfortunately, my dick will not be getting wet tonight so he needs to shut up. I can't hurt Ana more than Elliot already has.

"Elliot doesn't ever say that he wants me. Originally, I didn't want to have sex because of what my dad has drilled into my head. Eventually, I saw the connection that people had, and for some sex makes it even better. You would think Elliot would try something, but he says he is fine waiting until we are married. It is not like my father is in my room. He wouldn't know what I did and didn't do. Plus, it seems like Elliot's business is more important. How many business meetings are needed a week? I guess I just wanted to feel wanted. Sorry, I attacked you." With a peck on the lips, Ana tries to get off of my lap.

"I won't have sex with you tonight, but you are most definitely wanted." I lay Ana down on the sofa and move so that I am hovering over her. I caress her face, and slide my hand down her neck and to her chest. I caress her every inch, except the one place that will drive her wild. I move down the couch, massage each of her feet, and lick up the sole of her feet. Then suck on her toes and run my tongue up her instep to her ankles. The sensation has Ana wiggling and arches herself off the couch. I move to her neck and lick each divot from one side of her neck to the hollow at the base . As I kiss behind her ears, I reach under her shirt and twist her nipples. She mewls and starts to move her hips to get some friction. She finds just the right angle and finds her release.

"Christian, thank you. That was… I don't know how to explain it. If that is what it's like with just your mouth and hands, I don't know what it will be like with more. I see why your company is so successful. I think I should call this off. I can't go through with it. " Ana's admission has me flabbergasted.

"Did you say you are going to call off the engagement? Maybe you should talk to Elliot in person. I can't believe I am saying this! But, I don't want you to call it off because of me." I try to pull Ana into a hug but she isn't budging. If looks could kill, I would be six feet under.

"So, what do you want? Are you going to blow me off again? Treat me like crap for the next seven years? Was this some type of revenge to mess with our parents? Get out!" Ana storms over to the door holding it open. I walk over to the exit.

"You are angry, so I will go. But, you aren't getting rid of me. If this was about revenge, don't you think I would of fucked and ducked instead of taking care of you? I just want you to have a clear mind when you make such a big decision. I will talk to you tomorrow. I want you Ana." With that I place a soft kiss on her forehead.

The next day, I called Ana but she refused to answer. So, I sent a box of our latest self pleasuring toys, body lotion, and a few videos. That got her attention! She has been texting me about how helpful they are. I think she is trying to torture me, but in all honesty, it is probably the hottest thing thinking of Ana pleasuring herself. I should've mentioned that the biggest vibrator was molded out of a cast of my dick, but I love the thought that she is pleasuring herself with a part of me. I am a kinky fucker!

Texting with Ana is my new obsession. I don't think she realizes that when she described how the womanizer sucked on her clit, gave her an orgasm in less than three minutes, and how she can't get enough, that it literally made me cum in my pants like a 14 year old boy! I have arranged for a new box of surprises to arrive every night. I haven't touched Ana yet, but I feel like I am showing her a little bit of the dark side. So, she has a better understanding of what is out there.

Ray means well, but treating Ana like she is five instead of nearly twenty-five isn't fair. I have tried to call Elliot, but he keeps texting me saying that he is in meetings. Something doesn't seem right, but I don't think I am in the position to say anything.

My new favorite song, the special ringtone I set just for Ana.

She's like the wind through my tree,  
She rides the night next to me  
She leads me through moonlight  
Only to burn me with the sun  
She's taken my heart  
But she doesn't know what she's done

I know it is sappy, but Ana has me thinking of things that I never thought possible. I always thought "She's Like the Wind" was a stupid song. Now, I could see a future with Ana. I could see us getting married one day.

The little problem that she is engaged to someone else, that person being my brother, and both our parents would flip is a small obstacle. I have never backed away from a challenge, and I don't intend to now.

A: Elliot just told me he won't be back until Friday morning. I am tired of being home alone. Do you want to go to dinner and get some drinks? I have never been drunk and I plan on rectifying that situation tonight?

I have a feeling my resolve will be tested tonight.

C:Let's do it. Where do you want to go?

A: My friend from work told me about this dive bar called the Rabbit Hole. The house band is supposed to be amazing. Hot, muscular tatted guys that look like gods and can sing.

C: Hot guys! I can't wait. I will pick you up at 8. We can have dinner before you get plastered; rule number one of drinking.

A: See you then.

I made sure I took care of myself before arriving at Ana's, not that it will make a difference. I am rock solid the second I see her in a very short chiffon minidress that showed a little sideboob, while not being indecent, not that I would complain. Once Ana turned around, the thin straps from the halter crossed her back making an X. The material was higher on the sides creating a beautiful silhouette. The dress made me want to bow down and worship her ass.

"Christian, you have been staring at my ass for two minutes. Do you not like my dress? I went out and bought a new wardrobe. Dad might flip, but I love it." Shit! Ana caught me staring.

"I love the dress, I was just imaging all the things I could do to that ass. You thought the toys I have sent were fun, well, I could do things that would blow your mind." I run my hands down her back and stop on her firm ass. "Let's go, before I carry you to your room and worship every inch of your delectable body."

Ana and I had the best time at The Rabbit Hole. I wonder what she would say if she knew I am covered in tattoos! I wish there was a way to go back in time, and not give up my friendship with Ana. I don't feel like the family black sheep or The CEO around her.

Ana succeeded in her goal of getting plastered. Her inhibitions completely disappeared; dancing looked more like wearing clothes while having sex. I almost gave in. But then, Ana vomited all over the planter of azaleas, herself, and my shoes. I took her home, got her changed, and into my bed. I couldn't leave her side, so I answered emails and worked on a prospective project. After several hours of just watching Ana, I finally fell asleep.

I wake up when I feel a hand caressing my chest. "Ana what are you doing?"

"I am giving you a massage. You took such good care of me, that I wanted to return the favor." The mischievous look in Ana's eyes should make me stop her, but I can't.

Ana straddles my hips and pours lotion on my chest. I have been able to feel others touch for years, but it has never felt like this. Her small hands work up and down my biceps, my pecs, and down to my abs. Ana seems to be enjoying the border of my boxers. I know she can feel how hard I am for her, and now she is so close. Her core is rubbing against me, but technically she isn't doing anything. Her panties, my t-shirt she's wearing, and the boxers I have on are the only things from stopping us. I am so close. Ana continues to rock and she finds just the right friction to find her release. I want nothing more than to be inside her. What is stopping you Grey?

"Ana, I want you to be mine! I don't want you to marry Elliot, and I don't think you want to marry him, either. I love you and I need you." Ana moves so she is no longer straddling me.

"Christian, I thought you just wanted to show me some fun? You said, you didn't want me to end my engagement. I am so confused and I don't know if you want me, or just want what's your brother's. Can you please take me home?"

The ride to Ana's apartment was silent. I don't know if I have scared her or just given her too much to think about.

"Thank you for the ride, thank you for last night, and I will think of everything you said. I will see you on Friday night." Ana gives me a kiss on the cheek, but she is holding onto my hand for dear life.

"Ana, I will always be here for you no matter what you decide."

Ana runs to her apartment, while I sit in the parking lot for the next two hours. At first, I just wanted to fuck her, that I admit. I think she was that forbidden fruit, someone told me I should steer clear of. Now, I realize what I have missed. She was my best friend for so long, I want her as my friend and so much more.

What if, she decides, she really does want to be with Elliot?

Time seems to be at a stand still until Friday night, when I arrive for the family dinner portion of this engagement farce.

"Christian can I speak to you?" Ray is the first person that I see, as I enter my parents house.

"Sure Ray." Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

"Ana mentioned that you two have been spending a lot of time together. Don't get any ideas. She is with her perfect match. I don't need you corrupting my daughter after all these years." Ray's no nonsense demeanor is getting old.

"Ray, I am not a child and neither is Ana. We are friends, and unless she says otherwise, I will be there for her. I don't need my dad's money to pay for school and I don't need your approval. I am going to say hello to MY friend." I know I am acting like a child, but I am tired of being the black sheep.

"Ana, you look beautiful!" I kiss her cheek, while Ray and dad stare from the sidelines.

"Thank you, Christian. I am glad you like it. Your brother didn't notice." Ana sounds hurt.

"Let's go for a walk."

As we walk onto the patio, we hear Elliot and Jose arguing. But, we're too far to understand what is being said. We walk over, right as Jose storms off.

"Elliot is everything alright? Where did Jose go?" I question the strange behavior.

"Oh, it's nothing. We had a small emergency at one of the restaurants. He is leaving but will be back tomorrow. We were just discussing someone that needs to be let go because of the problems she is causing." Elliot states. Although, he says it isn't a big deal, he seems very upset.

Dinner goes off without any problems. Elliot seems distracted and continues to text Jose throughout the meal to make sure he can handle everything on his own.

I try to play nice with Ray, but he and dad seemed determined to get me to react. Luckily, Mia arrives from Paris and she gets the focus off of me.

The pool party is much of the same, but it's worth seeing Ana in a tiny bikini. The four triangles barely cover enough skin. I don't know how Elliot has been able to resist. My right arm will be falling off at this rate. The sexual tension grows over every hour. Elliot keeps disappearing or I am sure he would notice.

I have made every excuse to spend more time with Ana. At one point, Carrick and Ray even came over to tell Ana that she should spend time with the other guests. How would it look for her to be with me? I wonder how their opinion affects Ana? We haven't had a chance to talk in private. The few times we have been able to steal a quick glance, has given me the patience to wait for Ana's decision.

The pool party has finished and we have a few hours until tonight's formal party. Ana and Mia have been getting ready, while the house is transformed into a wonderland of pretentious, exaggerated opulence.

Maybe I should give up, but I know we are meant to be.

As I round the corner from the kitchen, Ana and I crash into each other. She is in a strapless silver cocktail dress with her hair in small ringlets down her back. She looks breathtaking! I rub my hands down her arms.

"Ana, what's the hurry?"

"Christian have you seen Elliot? He isn't in his room and I need to talk to him. I can't do this anymore. I have made my decision. I want to be happy". The look of regret is all over her lovely face. Has she chosen Elliot?

"I will help you look for him. He was talking to Jose earlier about a new restaurant location. Have you checked with Jose?" This can't be. I thought I had a chance.

"Thanks, that is a good idea. I will talk to you after I do this."

As Ana starts to walk up the stairs, I decide I need to hear this for myself. "Wait up Ana, I will help you look for Elliot."

Once we are on the third floor, we knock on Jose's door but nobody answers. However, you can hear muffled noises from the room across the hall. The door is not locked. Once inside, we have a clear view of Elliot's ass. The sounds are undeniable, I am surprised we didn't notice it sooner. Elliot appears to be getting the royal flush of blowjobs and with a hot pink vibrating buttplug securely in place. He doesn't even notice Ana crying out in pain and shock. Just as he cums, we notice that blowjob master is no other than Jose! Well, today is full of surprises.

"What the FUCK Elliot!? Really? I didn't know business meetings required blowjobs. How long has this been going on? No wonder you didn't want to have sex, I don't have a dick! I'm sure we could've got a strap-on from Christian's company. Instead you lie and make me feel like shit, like I did something wrong. Did you plan on having a sexless marriage?"

Ana pulls her arm back and slaps Elliot across the face. That's gonna leave a mark. Ana throws the engagement ring at Jose. "I guess this should belong to you, we're done."

Ana is crying and it is a mix of anger and hurt. I pull her into my chest and let her cry. I can't imagine what she is feeling. I couldn't care less who he wants to fuck, but what he just did to Ana was wrong. Why didn't he have the balls to say he wanted dick?

"Ana, what do you want to do? The party is supposed to start in two hours. We need to talk to your dad and my parents." I can imagine that she is heartbroken. A hundred people congratulating you on your cancelled engagement will not help.

" Just get me out of here, please Christian." Ana's pleading is excruciating.

"Let's go." Ana is sobbing and her bravado and the adrenaline rush from the confrontation with Elliot is gone. I lift her into my arms and carry her downstairs. As we approach the foyer, Ray, Mia, and my parents rush toward us. I can just imagine what they are thinking.

"Get your hands off of my daughter! What the hell have you done to her? I told you to stay away from her. How can you claim to be her friend? She is engaged to your brother." Rays screaming tirade is interrupted by Ana.

"Dad, I love you but shut up!" The room is silenced. Sweet Ana never yells, and she has never talked back to her father.

"Ana, what did he do to you?" Ray is pleading. I guess I will always be considered the bad guy.

"Dad, you and Carrick have been so unfair to Christian. He has been an amazing friend. He has been supportive and understanding, and for you to judge him on his job, when he isn't doing anything illegal is just wrong. I have done everything that has been expected of me, and it got me nothing. Elliot and I are over."

"Ana maybe it is a misunderstanding, you can't just believe whatever lie Christian is feeding you." Ray is really getting on my nerves now. Ana reaches for my hand and rubs circles trying to keep me calm.

"I suppose it could be a misunderstanding that Elliot fell and his dick landed in Jose's mouth?" The gasps from around the room and the looks of confusion would be comical, if this didn't hurt Ana. "Not sure what excuse you could make for the butt plug, I guess Jose could be giving Elliot a prostate check, but that might be a reach. I am tired of settling for safe. The wedding is off!" Ana is mad and I can't blame her.

Ana turns back towards me and I wrap my arms around her as her tears have returned.

Ray looks at Ana crying in my arms, you can see the shift.  
"Please, get my baby girl away from this circus. I am sorry I judged you so harshly. When you have the chance, I would like to go fishing like we used to and we can talk."  
Ray reached out his arm and shakes my hand and kisses Ana on the cheek. "Go have some fun, while I go deal with your wayward ex-fiancé. I think he needs to have a discussion with my fist."

Ana and I leave the house, just as Ray, mom, and dad run up the stairs.

Taylor has just arrived and he opens the back door of the Bentley for Ana.

"Where do you want to go Ana?" I ask as I rub her back.  
Biting her lip and lifting her head she locks her gaze on me and huskily whispers. "Help me find ecstasy please!"

"Taylor, take us to Seatac."


	9. Entry 8

.

 **Captured**

 _ **Christian/Anastasia  
**_ ** _Forbidden Love: Kidnapper/Victim_**

* * *

 **~C~**

 _"I have a job for you." Jack says as he tosses the folder between us._

 _We're at Fifty's Pub, a local Bar & Grill type of establishment in Seattle that Jack and I own. I bought it for him, but everyone thinks he owns it because I'm a silent partner._

 _Fifty's is the go to hot-spot for placing bets on all sports, MMA being the most popular here; I've even held my own in a few fights when I was younger. Fifty'_ _s is closed right now, only the two of us are here, the cook having just made Jack some food before he left out the back with the bartenders. It maybe be just after 3 am, but I don't sleep much._

 _I've known Jack for over 16 years and have been working for him since I was 15. He's the only one who has ever been there for me, since I was 13, and taught me everything I know. We're like family, best friends, I'm basically his right hand man. He's a bookie, has been since we were kids, and if they don't pay their debt, that's where I come in. He and I are ride or die, and nothing could come between us, not even Jason Taylor, the lead detective who likes to investigate us along with his partner Luke Sawyer._

 _"$50,000." He lists the price he'll pay me once I complete this job, double than any other before._

 _"What's the catch?" I ask, reaching for and opening folder before pulling out the file._

 _Inside is all the information I'll need to do this job; it lists a full background check of a girl, a photo, and much more._

 _"It's not our usual MO."_

 _"How so?" I ask, not looking up from the information I'm going over. "How much does she owe?"_

 _"She doesn't owe anything." He says, pointing at the girl before he takes a bite of his burger._

 _"I'm not following."_

 _"Someone she knows owes me money." He wipes his mouth before he speaks. "We're going to hold her for it until he pays."_

 _"We don't usually work that way." I remind him. "I normally fuck up the guy until he pays. Besides, Andrea usually takes care of the females."_

 _"Like I said, it's not our usual MO." He continues to eat as he talks, like we're discussing the weather. It's nothing new, it's how we always do things. "Fucking them up isn't doing it anymore, they're not caring and it's taking longer to get my money. Now, if we went after their loved ones, with a deadline, they would be even more inclined to pay me. So, we threaten them with their loved one's life."_

 _"I see that."_

 _"They have 2 weeks to pay me, or else we move on to the next and the next, until they have no one left. This fucker," He points to the name of the guy who owes him, "It took Barney longer than I would've liked to find someone he cares about. He has no one, literally, and when I finally found her... it was like hitting the jackpot. She's the only one in his life, so he's bound to pay, perhaps more than he owes, to get her back."_

 _I'm still hesitant to agree, I've never done this before. Sure, I have killed before, but never someone so... innocent._

 _"Oh, come on, you could have a little fun with her while you wait for him to pay, she looks like a cock tease. Or, if you would rather I have Ros do it, I can see if he's free. I would take her myself, but I have to be in New York next week and I can't very well take her with, or leave her for a few days."_

And that is what has me sitting in the Clayton's hardware parking lot.

It took me a few days to finally agree. I went over her profile, her background check, looking at her photo over and over until I finally decided that if this girl was going to be held for money, she was going to be safe and comfortable while she was. She's just too fucking innocent for this shit and Ros is a fucking shark. Everyone who deals with Jack knows who I am. They would rather deal with Ros than me, but I know Ros is not to be messed with; I trained Ros myself. I may not have a heart, but letting Ros do this job, when this girl is so innocent, I just couldn't do it.

Ros likes to rape, so does Jack, but I don't. It's the one thing we don't agree on. I know some people would wonder why I'm friends with them when I don't agree, but just because I prefer consensual sex, doesn't mean anything. Besides, I've done some pretty fucked up shit myself, who am I to judge.

With Jack set in his ways, trying to make a point with this one, I've been following her for weeks and learning her routines. I'm a master at stalking and not being noticed by anyone. I even broke into her apartment and took a few items and clothing, that she will need, and made note of the products she uses and food she has, so I could have everything ready when I finally took her.

Jack wanted me to take her as soon as possible, but she was set to graduate soon and had finals. I didn't want her to miss out on that opportunity so I came up with some bullshit lie, telling Jack I needed more time to be sure we could do this without anyone knowing she was taken. I planned to take her on her last day at Clayton's, because everyone will think she has moved on with her life and not question why she isn't around, so that's why I'm here, waiting for the right opportunity.

There are plenty of ways and opportunities for me to take her; break into her apartment and wait until she's alone, or sleeping, unhook the battery cables so she has car trouble or cause her to have a flat tire and I just so happen to be there to help her before she can call anyone, wait in the backseat of her car at night, flirt with her at a bar and slip something in her drink, the list is endless. Though that last one does sound intriguing. I could even ask her out on a date and never bring her back.

 _Hmmmm... I've never went on a date before._

 _Get that out of your head, Grey, you've_ _already decided how to do this._

 _I just hope she doesn't get hurt_.

 _What the fuck, Grey?! Why would that matter?_

Shaking that from my thoughts, I think about everything I've already set everything into motion.

Today, while she was on her lunch break and her back was turned, I took her cell phone out of her bag so she couldn't call for help tonight. After she came back to Clayton's hardware store to finish the second half of her shift, I filled her gas tank up, because I'm going to need a full tank with that death trap she calls a car. We're going to drive hours away from here and I don't want to run out of gas before we get there, and I don't know how much gas she already has in her car.

Now I just have to wait until she's off work.

As the days went by, I became obsessed with her, I wanted her, I couldn't wait any longer to have her with me. It was harder and harder not to take her sooner, but I had to wait until after graduation. And looking through her phone photos isn't helping my obsession and sudden need to be near her either.

 _What is she doing to me?_

I know I can't be seen near her, I can't approach her, but I'm itching to talk to her, just once, to see her smile and blush like I've seen while following her these past couple weeks, or to witness close up the way she seems to trip over thin air.

"Fuck it."

In the end, my attraction for her wins. I get out of the stolen car I'm 'borrowing' and go inside the hardware store where she works to find her.

It's a just job, a job like any other I've done before, nothing will change that. Nothing.

* * *

 **~A~**

I'm restocking screws when I hear the bell above the door go off, announcing we have another customer. I secretly want to thank them for waiting until now to come through, because just an hour earlier, we were busy. While it is my last day here, it's spring. It's that time of year when all the do-it-yourselfers and those obsessed with home improvement come out. This being hardware store, spring is our busiest season, summer coming in at a close second.

I don't mind the extra hours, but it does put a strain on study time. Thankfully I've just graduated, Kate and I are moving to Seattle this weekend, and I have a few interviews lined up on Monday.

But I really just can't wait to go home. On top of us being busy, I lost my phone while I was on my lunch break.

 _Today is just not my day._

"Excuse me, miss?" I hear a man ask.

I try not to be annoyed with him, but I am busy restocking and he had to pass Paul, who isn't doing anything at the moment, before finding me in the back of the store.

But when I turn around, it's hard to be upset.

The man is seriously beautiful, if I a man could be classified as such. He's like a freaking male model that puts Jamie Dornan to shame, if that's even possible.

I'm no longer annoyed and pleased that he is interrupting me instead of asking Paul for help.

"Ye-yes?" I blush when I stutter.

"Are you free?"

"Yes, what can I help you with?" I ask, getting into my no nonsense, professional demeanor; squaring my shoulders and pretending that I know more than I do when it comes to this stuff.

After working here for four years, I know where everything is in this store, and thankfully I had Ray to teach me manly things.

"Do you stock cable ties?"

"Cable ties," I repeat, my ever present blush has yet to leave my cheeks. "Yes."

I tell him to follow me and walk towards the front of the story, down aisle 8.

No wonder he needed help, he passed them. He must not be from around here. And I know I've never seen him before, I would've remembered.

"Are you in town on business?" I ask, curious and making casual conversation.

"Yes." Is all he says, giving nothing away.

When we reach the cable ties, I wave my hand over the display and immediately want to smack myself.

 _Seriously, Ana? Waving your hand like some game show host, like it's a brand new car instead of freaking cable ties!_

He doesn't seem to notice my inner turmoil and chooses the largest set; big enough to fit both wrists or both ankles.

 _Whoa. Okay. That was a weird thought; stupid erotica fanfiction_.

"Did you need help finding anything else?" I ask politely, hoping that he doesn't need my help anymore; I'm already making a fool of myself. But at the same time, I want to stay near him. It's a heady confusing mix of emotions.

"Tape."

And if the wave of my hand wasn't bad enough, I somehow trip over my own feet and almost end up falling flat on my face. Luckily, the man grabs me before I can face-plant.

After apologizing and thanking him, I lead him to the aisle with all our tapes, not saying a word the whole way. I do, however, glance back to see him fighting a smirk.

 _The bastard is laughing at my clumsiness_.

When we arrive at the tape, I don't wave my hand at them like an idiot. Instead, I pick up the one inch masking tape and two inch duct tape and hold them out for him to choose.

He reaches for the 2 inch duct tape, brushing his fingers against mine as he grabs it. A shiver runs through me and I feel my nipples harden.

Crossing my arm over my chest, so he doesn't notice my nipples, I wait for him to speak. However, he just stands there, looking at me, not saying a word.

It's unnerving, his staring, it's like he can see right through me.

"Anything else?" I break the silence, but my voice doesn't go louder than a whisper. I seriously sound like a porn star and we're about to get it on.

"Rope, I think." He glances up and down my body quickly. "Yes, I'll definitely need some rope."

 _Did he just check me out?!_

"This way." I lead him to where we keep the ropes.

On the way, when I look back to make sure he's following me, I catch him checking out my ass this time.

 _He_ is _checking me out! I'm glad I wore my favorite pair of jeans today._

"What sort were you after?" I ask as we walk, swaying my hips a bit more than necessary. "We have synthetic and natural filament rope . . . twine . . . cable cord-" I halt at his expression.

His eyes are darkening and he looks a little turned on. _By rope?_

"I'll take 5 yards of the natural filament rope."

I quickly measure out five yards against the fixed ruler, well aware that he is still watching me with that sexy, dark expression.

 _What is this guy's fixation with rope?_

He tries to make causal conversation with me while I cut the rope, but I'm too shy to talk much about anything else but hardware supplies.

"What else would you recommend?" He asks, in an attempt to keep me talking. At least, I imagine that's why he's asking.

I really don't like when customers ask me that, because I'm crap at DIY and I don't know anything about what he's planning to do with cable ties, duct tape, and the rope he seems to enjoy way too much. And I don't want to ask, or know what he's planning, because if he's using these items to fix his aunt's lobster cage or something, it will ruin my buzz I've got going. I'd rather imagine he's using these items for something kinky.

 _Maybe I'm the one with the rope fascination._

"Perhaps, plastic sheets?" I suggest, trying to avoid anything that could further make my imagination go wild.

His eyes darken further and he smirks hard. The look confuses me and turns me on at the same time, which is doubly confusing.

If I thought rope turned him on, the plastic sheets are going to make him cum in his pants.

"I prefer silk." He says in his husky tone.

"Silk?" _Silk, what?_

He raises his brow and it's now that I realize he's talking about sheets, silk bed sheets, not plastic.

 _Why would he, or anyone for that matter, want to purchase bedding at a hardware store?_

"Oh. Well, this is a hardware store," I remind him. "We don't carry linen. You could try Bed, Bath, and Beyond."

"I'll do that."

"Okay, so," I say after a long silence. "Anything else?"

"I think this should do it."

"Great." I hand him the rope. "Now you're the complete serial killer."

 _Though adding the plastic sheets would benefit his serial killer kit._

The mood suddenly shifts. He doesn't find my little joke as funny and his smirk, that he was sporting the entire time has fallen from his face, gone completely.

That's when he leaves, almost in a rush to get out of the store and nearly bumping into another customer.

Paul was at the register, but I saw the man paying with cash. I guess I can't look through the credit card receipts later to find his name, since I was too shy to ask for it.

The rest of my day dragged, nothing interesting happening after the man left, just the same regular costumers.

But I found myself daydreaming about him tying me up with the items he bought and having his wicked way with me in the back. I even played with the cable ties, tape and rope as I walked passed them, wondering what he plans to do with those three items. I know he probably has some real legit reason as to why he bought those items, maybe he needed to fix something, but maybe he's a freak who likes to tie women up.

My daydreaming is interrupted, coming to a halt by Mr. Clayton who gives me a hug and tells me my last shift at Clayton's is officially over.

They have a mini farewell party for me, because they are still open for another hour, and then I'm on my way.

"Bye, Paul." I say as I hang my vest up for the last time.

"Hang on, Ana, I'll walk you to your car."

I'd rather he didn't, because every time he does he asks me out.

Paul is a nice guy and all, just like all my guy friends are, but he doesn't do it for me, just like they don't. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me, that I'm waiting for someone who doesn't even exist. Kate says I don't have the 'need a boyfriend gene', whatever that means. I blame it on my love for literature, they just don't make em like that anymore.

"That's okay." I turn Paul's offer down and head to the door.

"It's dark out." He uses as an excuse and follows me out.

As soon as I walk out the door, someone wearing a hoodie is walking towards the hardware store. I think nothing of it, because they are still open for another hour, but as soon as Paul steps out behind me, they turn around.

Now I'm thankful that Paul wanted to walk me out.

I don't know why, or what this person was planning, but this action has peeked my interest and causes me to look around the nearly empty lot.

Nothing is out of place, no unknown vehicles, so I pull my keys from my bag and turn to Paul.

"Hey, so," Paul begins, what has become his ritual. "I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink, maybe tomorrow?"

"Sorry, we're still so busy packing. But I'll talk to Kate and José and see if we can all have one last get together before Kate and I move this weekend."

"Yeah, cool." He hugs me. "I'm gonna miss you, Ana."

I really do feel bad always turning guys down, but I just don't want to settle...

"Whoa, Paul." I push him away when he tries to kiss me. "No."

We pull apart when we hear a loud bang behind us.

When we turn in that direction, we don't see anything, mainly because it's getting dark out.

"Paul, we're friends." I get back to us instead of finding out what that noise was. I just want to go home and climb into bed, it's been a long day.

"I know, Ana. I'm sorry. I just thought- This is my last chance, before we move on with our lives. I mean, you're going to Seattle, I'm going to Princeton, I don't know when we'll see each other again. I just thought, if I kissed you, if I tell you how much I like you, I mean really like you... I know I should've said something a long time ago, but maybe we could-"

He stops when I shake my head, not wanting to rehash this with him.

Paul has told me he likes me, many times before, though in a joking kind of way but I knew he was serious. And I've always told him that I didn't feel the same, in that way.

"You know what, it's cool. I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all. Goodnight, Ana. And... goodbye."

He waits until I'm in my car before he walks back inside Clayton's.

As I'm backing out of the parking space, I hit something behind me. It's not very hard but it is enough to jolt me.

I swear I was paying attention, but obviously not; the accident is my fault.

"Shit."

But what could I of hit? Nothing was around me when I got in my car.

Looking into my rearview mirror, I see it is another car and the driver is signaling me to get out.

The parking lot is empty, but the Clayton's are still inside the store if I need them, and it is my fault, so I get out.

I leave my bag in the passenger seat but take my keys with me to inspect the damage; though there is none on either vehicle.

I'm about to turn around and tell him this, hoping we can avoid exchanging information, but before I can, I'm being pushed up against my car.

Without thinking, I drop my keys and scream, only for a leather covered hand to cover my mouth.

 _Shit! He's wearing gloves in 60 degree weather! This can't be good._

I can feel his breath on my neck. I can smell him, and damn if he doesn't smell good. It doesn't make sense.

The strong arm around my waist moves to grab my wrists and pulls them behind my back while keeping me pinned to my car with his hips.

Within seconds, something hard and plastic is wrapped around my wrists, like a makeshift cuff, clicking into place.

A piece of tape, which he probably already had ready because it's the perfect size, covers my mouth.

He lifts me easily, like I weigh nothing at all, and drags me to the trunk.

I kick and scream, though it comes out muffled now because of the tape, and push against the car, trying to knock him off balance.

He is obviously stronger, and overpowers me, regardless of how hard I fight against him.

Soon, I'm inside the trunk of my own car.

I wasn't able to see a thing, because it's dark and he was behind me the whole time, and nobody heard me.

I'm silent when I hear him start my car, cursing a few times as he tries to control and drive my shitty car that wont go beyond 50 mph. Wanda gives me a great upper arm workout, since the steering is fucked up, but it's mine and I love it, and right now I'm glad he is having trouble with her.

As I lay in my trunk, tears clouding my eyes, I'm seriously freaking out.

 _I've been kidnapped!_

 _Okay, Ana_ , I tell myself, _calm down_.

Since I'm flexible, I'm able to move my hands from behind my back and bring them in front of my body. As soon as I can, I remove the tape from my mouth. I don't scream, or make any noise, though, because I don't want him to hear me or know that I'm taking off my bindings. I know a way to get the cable ties off, Ray has taught me with flex-cuffs and they are made of the same material, but I'm wearing flats and I need a shoe lace to do it so I'm shit out of luck. I don't have enough room to do it the other way he taught me.

Moving on to how to get out of the trunk, my first thought it to flag a driver.

I can remove the taillights from inside the trunk easily enough, but when I get it off, there is nothing to see. No headlights, no streetlights, nothing but darkness.

Since Wanda is pretty loud, I'm able to kick at the trunk without being heard. But unfortunately, Wanda wont budge and is too tough for me.

I have no way out.

So, instead, I try to remember everything from when Ray taught me self-defense, because I know I'm going to have to fight my way out of this. It's the only option I have left.

I try not to overthink it, because I wasn't able to fight him off before he put me in the trunk.

My heart is nearly pounding out of my chest when I realize this. The only way I can think of to get away from this guy is if I had some sort of weapon.

I move my hands around in the dark trunk, trying to find anything I can use, until my hands hit the metal crowbar José used when he changed my flat tire months ago. It's his, but he left it in my car incase he ever needed to help me again; he doesn't have a car but likes to work on them.

My hands may still be bound together, but I can still hold the bar and hit him hard enough... I think... I hope.

I grip the metal crowbar tightly in my hands, and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

I'm not sure how long we've been driving, or where we're going, or if there will be more men wherever he's taking me, or what he plans to do to me, but my heart rate suddenly increases, as if it could beat any faster, when he stops and turns the car off.

My grip tightens and I'm waiting for when he opens the trunk, ready to attack.

As soon as it opens, I close my eyes tight and swing, coming into contact with his body and hitting his ribs.

I may not have hit him as hard as I would've liked, because of the angle I'm laying, but it's hard enough to hurt him.

He grunts, grabbing onto the crowbar and easily pries it from my hands before I can hit him again.

Taking advantage of his pain and distraction, I struggle to get out of the trunk. My hands are still bound together, but I manage to get out, only to fall onto the ground.

I watch as he throws the crowbar onto the ground and slams the trunk shut.

As he turns to face me, to come after me, I hurriedly scramble to my feet and run.

 _Oh shit! If he wasn't already, he will definitely be out for my blood now! I hit him! I hit him hard!_

I don't get far before he grabs me, tossing me over his shoulder and holding me tight.

"Let me go!" I scream and yell and shout, hitting his back with my fists together and trying to kick him.

He drops me when I manage to hit him in the nuts.

"You wanna go," He questions like I wouldn't want to. "Go!"

I'm shocked that my kidnapper is willing to let me go so easily, but I don't question it.

I get up and run, but soon discover I have no idea where I am or where to go.

Looking around, it's dark and all I see are trees in every direction.

"You'll get lost," He warns me. "And if I have to look for you, to save you from wild animals, I'm going to be pissed."

Turning around to face him, I start to hyperventilate.

He's not wearing a mask, and all the shows I've ever watched, all the stories I've ever read... if the kidnapper shows their face, they plan to kill you.

And then it feels as if _I_ was the one hit with the crowbar. It's dark, but I can see that it's the guy I sold all that serial killer stuff to.

I look down and see that my hands are bound with the cable ties I sold to him. My mouth was probably taped with the duct tape he bought from me. And the rope... I don't see the rope anywhere, what does he plan on using that for?

I don't plan on staying to find out.

The moment he realizes I'm going to run, I see a lust in his eyes, the darkness from when I was helping him with the rope returns. He's turned on by the thought of chasing me.

I take off running in some random direction, hoping to escape somehow.

Trying not to go in a straight line, I turn this way and that way, not really sure which way I'm going or which path leads to freedom.

 _It wasn't a serial killer kit, it was a kidnapper kit. Or maybe both!_

I feel like I'm in a scary movie; I'm running for my life while the killer is walking slowly behind me and will catch me in a matter of seconds, no matter how fast I run.

And then I stop, hearing something move. I know it's not him because he's behind me and I hear the noise in front of me.

I jump, not expecting to hear growling.

From out of nowhere, two glowing eyes pop out from the trees and then an animal comes running straight at me. But, before it can attack me, a sound I've never heard before and can't really explain goes off and the animal, that looks like some sort of dog, falls to the ground.

"Are you happy now?" I hear the man behind me, twigs snapping as he walks closer. "You made me shoot one of my favorite dogs."

 _Dogs? As in, more than one. This vicious dog is his and he has more of them running loose around here?!_

When I turn around, I see that he has a gun now and that it has a silencer on it. I may have heard guns going off before, but never one with a silencer. Why would he need a silencer?

"Are you going to kill me now?" I ask bravely, pointing my chin up, even though he's not pointing the gun at me.

"Not now."

"But you _are_ going to kill me." I state, more than ask.

"We'll see." He has the nerve to smirk.

 _Oh god, he's going to kill me! Why? What does he want from me?!_

With the gun he's holding, I'm sure he can do anything he wants. He didn't seem to have a problem killing his pet, what am I to him but a stranger.

"Don't worry," He says, noticing my stare on his weapon. "I don't like guns, so I don't use them when I do my job."

"You just used it on your dog." I remind him.

"Would you rather I let the dog attack you?"

I don't know, it depends on what he does to me.

"Let's go back, if you're done running around, trying to get lost. It's late and I don't want to have to shoot anymore of my dogs because you think you can get away. You can't."

I look around again, but we're still surrounded by trees and darkness, and there is no possible way to know which direction to go without me getting lost. As much as his taunting annoys me, he's right. I can't find my way out of these woods alone. And if he has more of those vicious attack dogs, it would be better to go with him.

Or would it? He did say he is going to kill me. Well, he didn't confirm it, but he didn't deny it either, all he said was, 'we'll see', whatever that means.

After another 'let's go' from him, like a moth to a flame, he lures me back to my car.

"Please." I beg him as we walk. "Please, just let me go. I won't tell anyone anything."

"Yeah, I should probably tell you, the whole 'let me go, I won't tell' thing doesn't usually work. I took you for a reason."

"I seriously think you have the wrong girl."

"Anastasia Rose Steele, goes by Ana, works at Clayton's hardware, enrolled at WSU..." He lists everything he knows about me, even my appearance, including my exact height and weight. It's quite frightening, knowing this man has been stalking me and I never even knew. "Yeah, I think I have the right girl."

"I don't understand. Why me?"

"Your father owes my boss some money. We're holding you ransom until the debt is paid."

We've finally made it back to my car and I just now notice a cabin.

He unlocks the door, that has many locks including a keypad, holding it open so I can enter first.

I'm hesitant to go inside, because once I'm in there, there may be no way out, but he gives me a little push to guide me in.

"How much does my dad owe your boss?" I ask while looking around the main room.

"Just over one hundred fifty thousand dollars."

"One hundred fifty thousand?! Ray doesn't have that kind of money."

"Ray?" He frowns. "Your stepfather?"

"Yes."

 _Who else did he think? Maybe he does have the wrong girl? Is there another Anastasia Steele out there with all my info and looks?_

"No, this isn't about him, this is about your father. Your biological father, Frank Lambert."

"You must be mistaken," I correct him, "My father died when I was a baby. I was only a day old."

"Nope." He shakes his head. "Lamb is very much alive and owes a substantial amount of money to my boss."

I can't wrap my head around what he's telling me. My mother told me my father died when I was a baby, but this man is a saying he's alive?!

"I don't believe you. He's dead. My mother told me he died when I was a baby."

"Your mother obviously lied to you."

Why would my mother lie to me? She wouldn't. Did she know? Well, I can't very well ask her now, she died last year.

Even if it's true, even if my biological father was alive...

"I- I didn't- I didn't know."

"Doesn't matter." He shrugs, sitting comfortably on the sofa, like we're talking about the weather, while I continue to stand near the locked door.

"What happens now?" I would wrap my arms around myself, but they're still bound with the cable ties.

"He has 2 weeks to pay his debt."

"What if he doesn't pay?"

"He has 2 weeks." He repeats.

"But what happens if he doesn't pay?" I repeat, wanting an answer.

"He has 2 weeks..." He repeats again, trailing off before adding, "or else."

"Or else, what?" I continue pushing.

He has the nerve to grimace before raising his eyebrow, as if to say 'you know what will happen'. And I do. I know exactly what will happen, and now I know what 'we'll see' means.

If he doesn't pay within two weeks, I die. _Seriously?! I don't even know him!_

"Or else my life clears his debt." I say out loud, filling in the blanks myself, before warning him, "My friends and Ray will know I'm missing, they'll call the police."

"I've already taken care of that." He holds up my phone that I lost this afternoon. "We just need the money and you can go."

"He won't pay." I whisper, defeated.

"Let's hope he does."

I can't stop the tear from falling. I'm going to die.

"Hey, hey." He coos, coming to stand in front of me. "Don't cry."

When he reaches up to brush away my tears with his thumb, I move away from him so he can't touch me anymore.

"I'll tell you what," He says, straightening up. "If he doesn't pay, and I have to carry this out, I'll have mercy on you. I won't let you suffer, a service I don't usually offer."

"Gee, thanks." I roll my eyes at him.

He shows me to a room that will be mine for the deration of my 2 week stay.

The room is red, and I don't know if he chose the color because he likes it, or if it's to help hide and blend the blood spatter on the walks when he does his... job. The windows in the room are high up, I could just barely reach them, and they have bars on them to prevent me from getting out that way.

There is nothing in the room except a shelf with clothes, a bed and a chair, both bolted to the floor.

The bedding is red, and looks like high quality. Under the bed is a cage, going the full width and length of the bed, and just high enough for me to kneel if I'm in there.

In the corner is a giant X with cuffs on each corner. It looks like some sort of torture thing.

It almost, sort of reminds me of a BDSM dungeon, without all the toys and implements.

 _I wonder if he owns any BDSM toys? If he does, maybe he uses them to do his job. Maybe he whips people for a living._

"Are you a dominant?"

"No." He says off handedly, only to smirk and look at me. "Unless you want me to be."

"Are you going to tie me to that?" I ask, ignoring him and pointing to the cross.

"Only if you're a good girl."

My eyes widen. _What does that mean?_

"No, Anastasia." He says at my alarm, trying to calm me. "I'm not going to tie you up, not unless I have to. I want you to be comfortable while you're here with me. Well, as comfortable as you can be. You have nothing to worry about."

"Uh-" I raise my hands that are still tied together.

"Are you going to be good?"

"Really?" Is all I say.

He sighs and then pulls out a pair of scissors he had in his back pocket to release me.

"So, what is this, like, the red room of pain, or something?" I ask, rubbing my wrists as I look around the red room.

"Red room of pain?" He laughs like I made a funny joke.

"Don't tell me this room is more about pleasure, because I won't believe you."

He doesn't respond, but continues to smile as he leaves me alone. I'm surprised he didn't lock the door.

As I look around the room, I notice an open doorway. Inside is a bathroom; toilet, sink and stand-up shower.

And the creepiness continues when I see my brand of shampoo and other toiletries.

Thinking the clothes are going to be exactly my size, I check.

How he knows my clothing size, the products I like and use... I'm not so sure I want to know the answer. The answer may frighten me even more than my imagination.

When I look at the clothes he has set on the shelf, a chill runs down my spine. They're mine, like really mine. They are my clothes.

"How did he get these?" I whisper in the dark.

This guy looks nothing like a killer, or a kidnapper, nothing like a criminal at all. He's good looking. But isn't it always the ones that blend in, the neighbors who turn out to be serial killers and their friends and neighbors, even their family didn't know. I wonder if this guy's family knows he does this.

 **..**

It's late, but I can't sleep. How could I?

Since I'm not bound to anything, or locked inside that cage- able to move about freely, I wait until I think he's sleeping before I leave the red room.

Opening my door enough to peek out, I don't see him so I leave my room.

There are three doors in the main room; the main door, my room door, and a door that I assume is his room.

I want to check, to make sure he's sleeping, but when I go to open his door, it's locked.

I don't know if he's sleeping or not, but I don't care, I'm not waiting any longer. I have to get out of here.

He gave me the opportunity to leave before, and I stupidly chose to come back here with him, because I saw no way out. But I have to leave, knowing that he will eventually kill me. I don't know if I believe him about my father, but if he is telling the truth, I highly doubt Frank will pay to get me back; he doesn't even know me.

I've already tried to fight, now it's time for flight. I may get lost, and I'll deal with the dogs, or wild animals, or whatever else is out there when the time comes.

I look around for a way out. The door is useless, thanks to the locks, so I look at the windows, but they are all too high up and all have bars.

There is literally no way out, and I'm sure previous victims have tried to escape too, but I have to try something, anything, and quietly. I don't want to wake him, if he is sleeping.

Looking around, I see no hope of escaping, until I look up. There, above the small two-seater table, is a skylight. It has a latch, so it can be opened, but not very much.

 _I'm sure I can fit through it._

I climb up on top of the table and stand on my tippy toes as I unlock the skylight window.

I jump up, grab onto the window ledge, and, with the help of Wanda- giving me my daily upper arm workout, I pull myself up and slip out onto the roof.

Standing on the roof, though it's dark, I look around and see nothing but trees for miles and miles. I don't see anything helpful. There are no roads, no trails, no- Wait. Is that a building? A house? Another cabin? If someone is there, maybe they can help me.

It's not that far to the ground, so I hold the edge of the roof, dangle down until I'm stretched out and then drop the few feet down.

I land on my feet but slip and fall onto my butt, my hand coming into contact with something cold and hard.

Realizing it's the crowbar I used earlier, I pick it up and run to my car.

When the door doesn't open, I look inside my car windows with the intent of breaking one if my bag is still in the car, because then my phone will be in there and I can call the police. But, as my luck would have it, my bag isn't there.

So instead, I take off running in the direction of the building I saw.

While I run, I try to keep quiet, remembering his guard dogs are roaming free, and that he may or may not be sleeping.

When I finally reach the building, I bang and bang on the door, no longer carrying how loud I am.

"Help! Help!" I yell as I pound on the door. "Somebody, please, help me!"

I knock and knock, but nobody answers.

I'm not sure if anyone is even in there, but I need to get inside, I can hear something behind me. It could just be my imagination, but I'm not staying out here to find out.

With the help of the crowbar, I pry open the door and walk inside.

As soon as I'm in, it's like I've entered Dexter's kill room. There are plastic sheets hanging everywhere. It reminds me of when I suggested them at Clayton's, and when I made the stupid joke of him being the complete serial killer. Now I know why he rushed out of the store, because he thought I knew what he was. But it looks like he really does use plastic sheets in a non-serial-killer type way.

Walking further into the room, I find a light switch and turn it on.

Now that I can see, it looks like I'm in some type of garage or something. A boathouse, maybe?

I can see through the plastic sheets, but not clearly, so I venture further when I see something behind them.

Pulling back to sheets, I see a boat with _The Grace_ written on the side. It's beautiful, and obviously doesn't belong to him. So someone does come here and could help me.

Maybe I can stay in here while I wait for them to return and he wont be able to find me.

Absentmindedly, I reach up to trace the name of the boat, but, before I can touch the words, I'm grabbed from behind. I know it's him because I know his scent; he smells so good.

 _Shit, I've been caught and I dropped the damn crowbar!_

He lifts me over his shoulder and walks out.

There's nothing I can do. If I was somehow able to fight him off and run, I wouldn't get very far, he always seems to find me. And whoever owns this boathouse doesn't live in it, it's just a garage for the boat, so they likely wont come around any time soon.

Defeated, I let him carry me back to the cabin in silence and into the red room.

"If you try to run away again, I'll tie you to this fucking bed for the full 2 weeks." He growls as he tosses me onto the bed. "I was trying to be nice, by not tying you up, but obviously I've underestimated you."

He reaches under the bed and pulls out a leather cuff attached to a chain and restrains my ankle to the cage.

I'm too scared to move as I lay on the mattress and watch him. I've never seen him this angry, not when I hit him with the crowbar, not even when I managed to kick his balls.

After I'm secure, he leaves the red room without another word to me, slamming the door shut.

Once I'm alone, again, I check out my new binding.

It's long enough so I'm able to move about the room, even able to reach my bathroom, possibly even part of the main room. But still, I'm restricted and can't get it off.

I guess I wont be escaping any time soon.

 **..**

The second day I stayed in my room the whole time, but he did came in to bring me food and water. I didn't eat or drink it, not knowing what he did to it.

He also said we would be expecting a visitor today. His boss, Jack was expected to show up.

Christian, the guy who kidnapped me, said Jack wouldn't touch me, or rather, he wouldn't 'let' Jack touch me. Whatever that meant. They just needed a photo of me to send to Frank Lambert, to prove they had me.

This worried me because Frank could tell them he doesn't give a shit about me and would be perfectly fine if I paid his debt with my life. After all, he has been alive this whole time and I didn't know. Then I wouldn't have the full 2 weeks.

Jack never showed up, though, because Christian said he had a flight to catch and the time was changed on the flight or something. He didn't tell me this, I just over heard his phone conversation. Christian ended up tying me to the chair himself, using the rope he bought from me, covering my mouth with the duct tape, and taking the photo himself, sending it to his boss.

I don't know why they are using their real names... or maybe they aren't their real names... or maybe they are and they just don't care because they know I wont be around much longer.

 _I can't tell anyone anything if I'm dead._

By the next day, I was completely and utterly scared. I knew they would send the picture of me to Frank soon, if they haven't already, so I tried to run away again.

Of course, obviously, that didn't go well, just as my previous attempts haven't, and I have now been officially grounded.

 **..**

A week later and I've become bored and tired of waiting.

I'm still tied up at night, but I'm free to roam about the cabin during the day, so long as I'm a 'good girl'.

I tried ignoring him, staying in my room day and night, but with nothing to do in this stupid cabin, I started venturing out of my room.

We're in the main room, sitting at the table for two while we eat our lunch.

It's the first time I've eaten with him, I usually eat in my room. At first I wasn't going to eat anything he gave me, but after a few days of not eating, I got hungry.

I wanted to cook my own food, but we compromised that I could watch him make my meals. He's not the best cook in the world, but I'm not allowed near the stove or the food. He's probably afraid I'll burn the place down on purpose, or poison his food, as if I could or as if there were some sort of poison I could use. I guess I could boil a pot of water, or oil, saying it's for food, and then throw it on him, fucking up his beautiful face. But I don't want to know what will happen if that plan goes wrong.

I decide, while we're eating, to ask him some questions.

"So... you say my dad, my biological father, is still alive."

"That's right." He continues eating, not looking up or anything.

"Do you... Do you have a photo of him?"

He thinks this through for a second, then pulls out his phone and pushes a few buttons and hands it to me.

I'm completely surprised; I could call the police, though he could overpower me in a matter of seconds, and it's likely he could have some sort of thing that disables calls, only turning on when he puts in some passcode or something, but still... to give me his phone?

Deciding if I'm ever going to get out of here alive, I need to show him some sort of... trust. Which means I have to stop trying to escape.

Taking the phone, I look at the screen. And while the man in the photo does show some similarities to the photos my mother has shown me, he looks older and... nasty. He's thin, bone thin, and his hair looks greasy like he hasn't washed it in weeks. His clothes look okay, so I know he's not homeless, but he looks...

"He's... repulsive." I shudder.

"You obviously take after your mother."

I look up when I hear him speak. I didn't realize I had said that out loud.

"What?"

"You look nothing like your father." He elaborates. "Except... maybe your eyes."

I look away, not wanting him to see my eyes that he has suddenly become so fascinated with.

Everyone has commented on my eyes because they are so blue, but I've always felt they should be brown to match my hair. I once wore colored contacts in high school, but stopped when my mother made me an optometrist appointment and the eye doctor said they could do harm to my vision if they weren't approved by an optometrist. Instead of getting colored contacts through him, because I thought he was bullshitting me just to make money, I stopped wearing brown colored contacts.

A friend in mine, in high school, said I wore them to blend in, that I like to go unnoticed.

"No, not even your eyes." I hear him say, bringing me from my thoughts. "Yours are more... blue, more innocent and sweet. You're much too beautiful to be his kid, but the DNA doesn't lie."

 _Did he just call me beautiful?_

"Are you... Are you hitting on me?"

"I am a hit-man." He smirks at his joke.

"Oh, funny." I say sarcastically. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Tell me about your family."

"What about my family?" He nearly growls, obviously not wanting to talk about it.

Does he not want to tell me about his family because then I'll know about them, more about him? Well, he knows more about me than I do myself, so he's just going to have to deal with it.

I decide to go with a question that I don't think will be so bad. Maybe it will open him up more.

"Do you have any family members that you thought were dead but aren't?"

He presses his lips into a tight line, squirming in his seat a little, obviously not wanting to tell me about him.

"Oh, come on," I try to encourage him to talk. "I'm gonna be dead in like, a week or so, who am I going to tell."

"You don't know that."

"I do. You know it, too. Frank isn't going to pay anything to get me back."

We're quiet for a while, until he starts talking.

"My mother... Ella, she was into drugs- kept running away and getting into trouble. She got pregnant with me when she was 15. My father, a man named Lincoln, didn't want her anymore because a baby, namely me- I would ruin his marriage, so he ended things with my mother. With no where to go, she came back home to her parents, to have me, only to run around just as much after I was born because her parents were there to raise me.

"My grandparents finally had enough so they took her to court and got custody of me. My grandfather was an attorney so it was easy enough to do. My grandmother said that Ella would come see me on my birthdays, Christmas and other holidays, but I don't remember. She died when I was 4 of a drug overdose, so my grandmother was the only mother I knew."

"What are your grandparents' names?"

"Grace and Carrick."

Grace? As in, _The Grace_? That big beautiful boat does belong to him! He must've named it after his grandmother. That has to mean something, doesn't? Maybe that's why he got so mad when he found me in that garage with his boat, why he grabbed me when I was about to touch it. It's important to him, it means something to him.

"Where are they?"

"When I was 13 my grandparents died."

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

He sighs, running his fingers through his hand and continues talking about them.

"My grandfather died of natural causes, but my grandmother... they couldn't find a reason. I overheard people saying she died of a broken heart-" His tone suddenly changes to anger, "But she had me. I loved her and I needed her, I was just a fucking child and I had nobody but her."

He takes a deep breath, presumably to calm down, but I'm not sure how much it helped, he's still upset.

"After their funeral, I had no other family to stay with. They had friends, so many fucking friends, but no one would take me in, so I was sent to a home. That's where I met my boss, Jack."

"You met him when you were 13?" That's so young. Has he been doing this bad stuff since then?

"Yeah. He was 17 and was scheduled to be removed from the group home on his 18th birthday; five months after I moved in. We were always close, since day one. When I turned 14 I started doing odd jobs for him here and there. And when I was 15, when I was moved to another group home... Jack was there for me when the group home leader-" He stops, probably sparing me the details. "Elena, she was my first."

I have no idea if he means sex, or kill, but I stay quiet while he continues his story.

Maybe he killed her because she had sex with him? Either way, the smile he gave off at the memory was no indication of which.

"When I turned 18, he was going to let me stay with him, because I had no place to go, but my grandparents' lawyer came through to tell me that I inherited everything they had. I'm a billionaire, I own so many houses... I have a house in Bellevue near the Sound, Aspen near the mountains, Montana near a lake, and New York near Central Park. I don't have to work for the rest of my life, if I don't want to.

"Jack doesn't know, I never told him. I shouldn't even be telling you this, I don't know why I am."

"I'll take it to my grave." I try to joke the promise but it comes out all wrong, like an I'll timed joke.

"Okay," I clear my throat. "So, then why do you do this? Why do you... kill people? You obviously don't need the money."

"Jack is the only one who has ever been there for me. He never left me, not even when he was removed from the home- he still took care of me, protected me, taught me how to fight. I owe him my life, he saved me. If he needs me to do these jobs, I'll do them."

"Okay, so your birthmother wasn't there for you, I'll give you that, but your grandparents were."

"They left me." He growls. "I was sent to a home for five fucking years because they left me."

"They didn't leave you, they died. And they sound like good people."

"They were." He hangs his head in shame.

"Would they really be happy to know this is how your life turned out? That you are planning to kill an innocent girl, an innocent girl who didn't even know her father was alive, and has nothing to do with him."

He suddenly stands, throwing his plate and food in the trash.

"That's enough share and tell for today." I says, before locking himself in his room.

I don't know when it happened, but something changed. Even though he is basically dismissing me, he's no longer the monster who kidnapped me... well, he is, but he seems different somehow... He's lost. Everyone he has ever loved has left him, either intentionally or not, except this Jack guy. He's finding loyalty in the wrong person. I truly believe that Christian could be a good person, if it wasn't for Jack's influence.

 **...**

I'm still waiting, I only have a few days left of my 2 weeks, but now Christian and I are talking more and more.

I try to avoid talking to him about anything personal, because that's when he shuts down. I'm hoping if he gets to know me well enough, he wont go through with this. I know it's wishful thinking, but it's all I have left.

But I find, the more we talk, the more we get to know each other, the more I can see it. I think he likes me. Which means he truly doesn't want to do this, not to me.

Another positive thing, I earned his trust enough to be off my leash, so to speak, so I'm no longer chained up at night.

His heart is showing. Or maybe it's just Stockholm Syndrome at its best.

"I'm so bored." I groan, plopping down on the small loveseat in the main room.

"Sorry." He apologizes as he sits next to me. "There's not much to do around here."

"I don't think I'm supposed to be having fun while held against my will." I remind him. "It's not a vacation."

"If you could do something, what would it be?"

"Go outside."

He gives me a look, like that's not going to happen.

"I wouldn't run," I tell him. "I'm just getting a little... I don't know, cabin fever?"

There is seriously nothing to do. I know it sounds stupid, that I'm complaining of boredom while I'm kidnapped, but we're literally just sitting around every day and it's been so long since I've been outside; since that first night. I've been here for 11 days, only 3 left before I die, I would like to have some sort of ... I don't know, fun.

"Come on." Christian pulls me up from the loveseat, and from my thoughts.

"Where are we going?" I ask when he unlocks the main door and opens it.

"It's a surprise." He grabs a hoodie near the door and tosses it to me, telling me to put it on because where we're going it can get chilly.

The hoodie is obviously his and way too big, but I like it... it smells like him.

We walk out together and he leads us towards the back of the cabin.

I'm distracted, trying to smell the hoodie while we walk, that I just notice we're going in the direction of Dexter's kill room.

"Are you going to do it now?" I squeak.

"No." He laughs.

"There's no where to go out here, where are we going?"

"I told you, it's a surprise."

"Are we going to hike, or something? Because I'm not a outdoors type. I'll probably get hurt or fall and you'll have to do it then to put me out of my misery."

"We're not hiking."

"What about your dogs that you have running around?"

He suddenly stops and looks around, as if he heard something. I follow suit, only I'm holding onto his bicep, ignoring how strong and hard it feels. Okay, I'm not ignoring it, and I may even squeeze it a bit tighter than I should. But the thought of one of his vicious dogs near us, has me not enjoying it quite as much.

 _I hope he brought his gun_.

Now that's a weird thought. I hope my kidnapper brought his gun?

"Your dogs?" I ask of the noise he heard.

"Maybe."

I'm quiet now as we walk, but it's not long before I feel Christian shaking from silent laughter.

"Did you say that to get me to shut up?"

"Maybe."

I playfully hit him and we both laugh.

"I don't have any dogs." He tells me.

"But I thought-"

"That wasn't a dog."

"What was it?"

"A coyote."

"You shouldn't have shot it."

"Would you rather I let it attack you?"

"No, but now he'll never catch that bird."

"What bird?"

"You've never seen that cartoon as a kid?"

"What cartoon?"

"Oh, my gosh, when we get back, we're gonna have to watch it."

"Deal." He smiles.

"Well, maybe we can watch something else, I don't really want to watch the cartoon."

"Too late, you can't back out now."

"What are we doing here?" I ask when we're at the boathouse I found on my first night here.

"We're going to take the boat out."

"Really?" I smile, getting excited. "I've never been on a boat this big before."

Christian gets everything ready to go, even strapping me into a safety vest, much to my complaint that I didn't need one.

Soon, we are out on the water.

He told me he hasn't taken this boat out in years, but it's been well looked after. He shows me how to put up the sails and I make a joke at him learning his knot tying skills from sailing.

There are a few boats here and there around us, but he doesn't seem to worry about them, paying more attention to me and the boat. And I don't flag them down or try to get their attention either, I don't know why.

"The houses look so beautiful." I tell him when we're in an area where a few houses, far apart from each other on gorgeous properties, are in our view.

We've been out here on the boat for a couple hours, just enjoying the weather and the view.

"Christian, Christian!" I grab his arm, excited for some stupid reason. "Look at that one!"

I point to the biggest, most beautiful house I've seen today.

He tenses beside me, but I think nothing of it.

"I bet the view from that house is amazing."

"It is." He says like he knows personally. "That's my grandparents' house. I grew up there... until I was 13."

"We're near Seattle?" I squeak, remembering where he said all his houses were. Bellevue being the only one close by.

He nods, confirming my thoughts.

"I was supposed to move to Seattle the weekend you took me." I tell him. "Kate must be so worried about me. And my dad..."

"I know." He sounds regretful.

The mood has shifted, and Christian's idea to lighten it back up is to let me steer the boat home. I mean, back to the boathouse.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask as I hesitantly hold the big wheel thingy.

"You'll do fine," He assures me. "I'm right here."

And he is. He's standing right behind me, with his hands on mine. It feels almost as if we're on a date, or out as a couple, but we're not. I'm sure that's what the people who are near us think; that we're together.

A shiver runs down my spine when he moves my hair away from my neck and bringing it to the side. It's a shiver, yes... but not one of fear this time.

My nipples harden and I feel tingling between my thighs, a feeling I've never in my life felt before. I don't even know why I am now.

It feels so nice to have him behind me that I lean against him and smile, my first real smile since he took me.

He runs his nose along my jaw and against the back of my ear.

"You're so beautiful, Anastasia." He whispers, and it's getting harder and harder to concentrate on anything but the feeling of him behind me and the wetness between my thighs.

I want to lean against him, I want to turn around and kiss him.

 _What is happening to me? What is he doing to me?_

I clear my throat and move away from him, though when I do my body feels the loss of contact... and misses it.

We make it back to the boathouse and then back to the cabin without further talking... or touching.

 **...**

Tomorrow is D day.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was Ray who owed the money and not some stranger. Because that's all Frank is to me, a stranger. He may be my biological father, but I don't know him, and he obviously doesn't care about me if I'm still here because he hasn't paid. Ray would do anything to get me back, anything. He is my father, not Frank. And I would do anything to help Ray.

I've tried to distract myself from the weird feelings Christian is bringing out of me, by making some sort of bucket list. But everything on my list can't be done... Well, there is one thing that can.

I started thinking about everything I did in my life. With D day tomorrow, I will never get to experience my dream job, but I did get the college experience... well, not the college experience most have. Sure, Kate and I drank underage and went to parties, but I was never really wild. And while there are some things I would like to have done differently, and some mistakes I've made along the way, there is one thing I haven't done... that I'd like to do before I die.

The only problem is, the only one to help me with my dilemma is the man who took me.

I've tried staying away from him, but there is something about him and I'm finding it impossible to stay away. I'm Icarus flying to close to the sun, and he is the sun that I should stay away from. But I can't stay away, I've tried, and I can't. And to be honest, I don't want to.

I'm not saving myself or anything, but I would like to give my V-card to someone who can make me feel... something, like Christian has since the first time we met at Clayton's. I've yet to find the guy who makes me feel these things that Christian has. And it's weird that this man who had kidnapped me, taken me against my will and is holding me hostage, is the only man who has ever given me those fuzzy feelings I've wanted.

I would masturbate, but I've never done that before so it's likely I'll just get frustrated, so I might as well go all out.

It's a win-win for me, because I don't want to die a virgin, and he's the only one who has made me feel this way. I'm sure if things happened differently, if he didn't kidnap me, I would've given myself to him eventually.

And that is what has me asking Christian for help.

After jumping off the bed, I open the red room door, leaning against it as I watch Christian play with his phone in the main room.

 _Is it wrong to I want_ him, _my kidnapper? That I feel this... strange feeling I've never felt or experienced before him, only with him_. _I don't care if it is wrong, it feels so... good_.

"Christian," I gain his attention, blushing before I can get out my question. "Can I ask a favor?"

"No." He jokes. And after staying with him for 2 weeks, I know he is.

"Please?" I pout, giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"You haven't been kidnapped before, have you?"

"I can't say that I have." I answer sarcastically. Though I seriously doubt any kidnapper is like him. He's too sweet and kind.

"Kidnappers don't usually grant favors." He lets me know.

"But, I'm sure you'll want this, too." I reason.

He raises a curious brow, now interested in what I'm wanting.

"Have-sex-with-me." I blurt out like it's one word, but I know he heard me if his wide eyed, shocked expression is anything to go by.

"I don't make love, Anastasia," He warns me. "I fuck. Hard."

"Okay, well, then... let's do..." I swallow hard, gulping before I say, "that."

"Why do you want me to fuck you?" He eyes me suspiciously.

"You and I both know what is going to happen when time runs out."

"What does that have to do with fucking? What, you want one last orgasm?"

"I've never- " I whisper, blushing a bright crimson red. "I haven't..."

"You're a virgin?" He gasps, surprised.

I can't look at him when I nod my head, keeping my eyes on the floor, my feet, my fingers that are twisting together, anything but him.

"For fuck's sake, how?!"

I look up, not knowing what he means.

"I mean, fuck, you're beautiful. What about your boyfriend?"

"I don't have a boyfriend," I correct him. "I've never had a boyfriend."

"That guy, the Clayton kid, he's not your boyfriend?"

"No. He's just my friend."

"Yeah, well, maybe someone should teach him some manners. It took every once of control I had not to approach you when he tried to kiss you. I would've beat the shit out of him and took you then and there if he continued. I nearly gave my location away that night, I saw nothing but red. He wants into your panties, that's for sure. Not to mention all your other suitors I've seen flirt with you. So I don't understand how you've avoided sex for so long."

"I'm not a 50 year old virgin, Christian." I snap, not really sure why I'm getting upset. "I'm not that old. But fine, if you don't want to do me, then fine!"

I storm back into the red room, but before I can slam the door, there he is, blocking the threshold so I can't.

What more could he want, he already turned me down after I basically offered myself to him, like some sort of virgin sacrifice.

"I didn't say I didn't want to fuck you." He says in a rich, carmel fudge brownie, husky voice. "Trust me, I've wanted you since..." He stops speaking and shakes his head. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

I nod, unable to say anything more.

"Okay." He says, removing his shirt. "Sit back on the bed."

It takes me a moment, because I'm too busy staring at and admiring his muscles; abs, that sexy V, his happy trail. But eventually I do sit on the bed, almost in a trance, and watch as his hands move towards his jeans and unbuttons them.

"Can I..." I gulp, trying to be brave as I ask. "Can I see... _it..._ first."

I've never seen one in person before. I've seen them in photos or the porn Kate made me watch our freshmen year when we got drunk, but never in person.

"Sure." Christian confidently puts his thumbs inside his boxers, ready to pull them down without a care.

He pulls his boxer briefs away from him body and down, revealing a hardening cock. It's... beautiful.

"Can I... can I touch it?"

I felt up Bradly Conner when I was 16 while we were making out, but I didn't go inside his jeans. I was actually kind of glad my dad came home and interrupted us, his kisses were all slobbery, and he used way too much tongue.

Christian nods and his cock twitches in response.

Hesitantly, I reach forward and wrap my hand around his cock.

Exploring him, I start to rub and stroke his length, finding that it's hardening yet soft somehow and so smooth.

As I continue to move my hand, he starts to breath heavier and heavier, nearly panting.

"S-stop." He pants. "We're going to make a mess."

"I wont make a mess." I promise, not really sure what he means.

He's growing harder and harder, and I kind of want to put him in my mouth.

I may be a virgin, and very inexperienced, but I know the liquid coming out of the head is his precum.

"I wonder what it tastes like." I whisper to myself.

"Ah, fuck!" He hisses, grabbing my hand to stop my movements. "Enough."

"Why'd you stop me?" I pout.

"Because you were going to make me cum and I want to cum inside of you."

 _I was going to make him cum just from rubbing him with my hand?! I know guys jack off, or whatever, but I didn't think I was doing it all that great, enough to make him cum!_

"Fuck."

"What?" I ask when he pulls his boxer briefs back up, attempting to hide this erection, though I can still see clearly how hard he is from the bulge. "What's wrong?"

"I don't have any condoms. We're not protected, I'm clean but- Unless... Unless you're on birth control." He asks hopeful.

"I'm not." I regret to tell him. "But it doesn't matter, really, does it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wont be around much longer, so it doesn't matter if we use protection or not."

He's deep in thought for a minute until he seems to come to a decision.

"We have two options; I can run to the store now and grab a box of condoms, or I can go after and grab the morning after pill. Whatever you want."

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

We're now in an awkward silence, with him still standing in front of me in his boxer briefs and me sitting on the bed in front of him with my feet barely touching the floor.

"Are you going to make love to me now?" I tease him, batting my eyelashes. I probably look like I have something in my eye.

"I told you," He inches forward, putting one of his knees on the bed making me lay back until he is right on top of me. "I don't make love. I fuck."

"Hard," I finish for him. "I remember."

In the blink of an eye, he has my shirt off, leaving me in my bra. His hand trails down my side, down my ribs, to the front of my pants.

The tingling and wetness increases when his fingers play with the hem of my panties.

"Your turn." He whispers before his hand disappears inside my pants.

I gasp when he comes in contact with my sex. _This is really happening._

"Mmm." He moans. "You're already so fucking wet."

I blush, hot, wet, and tingling as his finger easily slides inside of me and I feel it curl, brushing against my front wall.

He starts kissing and sucking on my neck, running his nose along my jaw before nibbling on my ear.

"I'm going to make you cum so hard."

Another gasp escapes me at his words and when he adds another finger.

He starts moving his fingers harder and faster, rubbing his palm against my clit.

I'm moaning like a whore in heat, being wound up so tight I feel I may explode.

My insides are tightening. I bring my feet up and spread my thighs wider, lifting my hips to meet his fingers.

"That's it." He encourages. "Now, cum."

"Oh! Oh! Oh!"

I experience the most intense pleasure I've ever had in a matter of seconds, minutes, hours... it feels like it goes on and on, at the same time too short.

I'm still coming down from my high when he gets off of me, hooks his fingers in the waistband of my yoga pants and pulls them down and off along with my panties.

I'm now laying on the bed, with my feet still on the floor, wearing only my bra.

"Take it off." He nods to my bra. "I want to see you."

He, once again, releases his cock from his boxer briefs, this time taking them completely off. His cock looks even bigger than before when I was playing with it.

 _How is that going to fit inside of me? He's so... big_.

Doing as he asked, I remove my bra and throw it somewhere on the floor.

I'm about to move further onto the bed, but he grabs me around my thighs and roughly pulls me towards the edge of the bed to meet him, while he continues to stand.

"Open." He helps me lift my feet so they are resting on the bed, and then he spreads my thighs wide.

As soon as I'm open to him, he stares at my sex, making me blush.

I'm so wet, I watch as the head of his cock slips inside before we're ready and I gasp at the feeling, clutching the sheets by my head.

"I'll go slow at first," He says, "Just until you're use to it."

I nod my head, thankful.

"Are you sure?" He asks again, holding himself at my entrance. "Last chance to back out, because once I start, I'm not going to stop. There are no safewords here, Anastasia."

"I-I'm sure. I-I want this."

With one quick, hard thrust, he's inside of me.

I cry out, moving my hands from the sheets and pushing them against his stomach, trying to make him get out of me. It hurts. My sex may be wet, but it's still so uncomfortably tight, and it burns like he just ripped through me. He somehow feels bigger than he looked, and I'm thankful that he's not moving, letting me adjust.

Looking down, I can no longer see his cock; it's buried deep inside of me. We're connected by our most intimate parts.

He seems to be restraining himself, he looks to be in just as much pain as I am, but I know he's not. It feels good to him, he tells me so.

His hands are holding my hips so tight, I know there will be 10 little bruises where his fingers are. He's trying so hard not to move, I can tell. His jaw his clenched tight, and he tells me the same of my sex.

"Relax," He whispers in a strained voice. "The pain wont last, and will go away quicker if you relax."

I don't believe him, because it hurts so badly. But, Kate has told me all about her first sexual experience when she lost her virginity on prom night, so I know he's right.

I try to focus on breathing, but it's hard when he tells me he has to move and pulls out, only to push back in.

True to his word, he's gentle, going slow until I'm use to the intrusion.

With each thrust, the pain subsides and is replaced by the now familiar pleasure that I only received and experienced, just moments before, from his fingers.

Soon his thrusts turn faster, harder, deeper, and the more he moves, the more pleasurable it is. It's almost overwhelming.

His grunts, for some reason, make me wetter, and that makes him moan. This feels so, so good. It's no wonder people ever get out of bed. I want more, I need more, so I lift my hips to meet him thrust for thrust.

He grabs my hips, lifting me slightly, and the new angle has him hitting me just right. Like I have some sort of special spot inside of me; my G-spot.

"You like that, don't you. You like- aw fuck, you like me fucking you hard like this, don't you, you little virgin."

"Oh! Ah!" I can't come up with a coherent response, it feels too good and I'll I can do is moan.

"Is this what you- fuck, so tight- what you want? Is this what you were waiting for?" He continues his hard movements, adding a swivel of his hips, grinding into me. "Someone to fuck you like this?"

"Oh, yes!" I cry out. "Yes!"

"Mmmm. You wanna cum again, baby?"

"YES!" _PLEASE!_

He removes one of his hands from my hips and starts playing with my clit, and soon I'm on the edge again.

My back arches, my toes curl, my mouth pops open with a moan. I throw my head back as my eyes roll from the pleasure, so much more than before.

"Christian!" I don't even realize that I've called out his name as my sex continues to contract.

As I come down from my high, I feel him pull out of me.

"Turn over." He flips me so I'm laying on my stomach but my feet are still on the floor and he's still standing behind me.

Once we're in position, he's back inside of me, easier than before with how wet I am.

"You're so juicy." He moans.

This new position, with me laying on my stomach and him behind me, is so much deeper than before.

He holds me open with his hand just under one of my knees, lifting it up high and resting it on the bed, so I'm spread wide for him.

"We're going to go slow this time." He gently eases inside of me. I can feel every inch of him until he is buried deep.

Just as slowly, he pulls out. I groan when he enters me again, moving his hips so I can feel him stretching me.

He repeats his movements, again and again. I want more but can't move in this position.

"You feel so good."

My insides instantly quiver when he moans, groans, and grunts.

"Oh, no, baby." He pulls out. "Not yet."

He waits for me to calm down before he slides back inside of me and starts his slow torturous pace again.

With not being able to move my body, I begin to squeeze my sex with each deep thrust. It drives him crazy enough to cause his movements to speed up.

He moves his other hand from my hip and wraps it around my throat, hitting me hard from behind.

I'm surprised when I like his hand there, and I find myself doing more and more to get him to hold me down. I'm going to have bruises all over my body; my neck, my wrists, my hips, my ass, everywhere he holds me down, but I don't care, I'm loving it.

"I want you sore," He says, placing his knee behind mine on the bed and grinding his hips into mine. "Every time you move, you're going to be reminded of me, of where I've been. Only me."

He continues to pound into me, swiveling his hips once he's deep inside, keeping the pace fast this time.

I know I'm going to be sore afterwards, very sore, but right now all I want is that pleasure I felt before. I want to cum again. And again. And again.

 _Maybe we can play with those cable ties, tape and rope he bought from me and use them how I originally fantasized he would._

 _Okay, maybe not the tape, but the other items for sure._

I cum like this once more, with the help of his fingers playing with my clit, before he pulls out again to change our position.

He lifts me easily and tosses me further on the bed, crawling up to join me.

I'm surprised when he lets me be on top.

It's so weird, this power high, yet feels so good. I'm in control, able to move as fast and hard as I want. And, in this position, I'm able to cum twice more.

"You're so fucking beautiful when you cum." He compliments. "I want you to cum again, I want to see you."

His hands roam my body, before landing on my hips and helping me move.

I lean down and kiss his mouth, pulling back to judge if that was okay. It seems to be because he wraps one of his hands in my hair and brings my mouth back to his, sweeping his tongue across my lips until I part them and let him in. The kiss soon turns passionate, frenzied, and we're all mouth, hands, teeth clashing.

"I want to keep you." I hear him whisper against my lips. "Never let you go."

"Never let me go." I kiss him hard.

"Christian." I try to warn him that I'm close.

"Cum." He senses my release. "Cum with me, baby, milk my cock."

And I do.

My final orgasm hits me like a wrecking ball. I cum so hard, the hardest yet, my sex squeezing and milking him of all he has. I feel rippling and warmth as he fills me, and it feels so good.

He pumps twice more before I collapse on top of him. We're both panting and out of breath.

 _Wow. THAT is what everyone is talking about?_

"I want..." I pant. "to do.. that... again."

"Give me a little time." He laughs, rolling us over so he's on top and then he pulls his now softening dick out of me. As he does, I feel warm liquid leaking out of me; his semen.

"Do you still want to know what I taste like?" He asks, hovering above me before leaning down to kiss my neck. I move my shoulder up to block him, only because his stubble is scratchy.

"Because I want to taste you." He continues.

My body tenses at the thought before I finally nod my head, giving him permission.

I feel him grin against my neck, like I just told him he could have his cake and eat it too.

As he makes his way to my sex, kissing his way down my body and looking up at me with that sexy smirk, I can't help but think he looks so handsome with that smile. And the feeling of his stubble mixed with his openmouthed kisses are a heady mix. I could agree to just about anything in this moment, and he knows it.

His words echo in my mine; _I want to keep you. Never let you go_.

"Oh, god!" I call out, fisting his hair when his tongue makes contact with my still sensitive clit.

"You taste so fucking good mixed with me." He licks up my slit before sucking on my clit. "So fucking delicious."

 **..**

I'm exhausted. After my oral training, we went another round and included a little bondage this time. It was a lot of fun. We're now cuddled up together on the bed, snuggling, still enjoying our after sex bliss... Well, I'm enjoying it, I'm not sure if he is. I mean, I'm sure he did enjoy it, but I'm sure he has done this with all his female captures. And something tells me he's not use to cuddling.

"This doesn't change anything." He says as we lay in each other arms, his hand running up and down my back.

"I know." I try to keep the sadness from my tone. But I knew it would change anything, I didn't do it to change his mind. "I also know you don't really want to do this, you don't want to kill me."

He sighs, continuing to play with my hair, not saying anything, but it's all I need to hear to know that I'm right.

"You can't do it." I tell him.

"You don't know anything, Anastasia, I've done this many, many times before."

"I know your heart wont let you."

He gets out of bed, putting his pants back on, not bothering with his underwear. I know that means he doesn't want to talk about this, because he doesn't want to admit it, that he doesn't want to do this. It's what he does whenever we talk about something he doesn't like, he leaves.

"You know it, too, don't you. You know you can't, that's why you're upset." I sit up on my elbow and hold the sheets to my naked body. "You want to let me go."

"Is that what this was about?" He glares at me. "You thought you could fuck me, give yourself to me, and I would let you go?"

"No, but-"

"You don't think others have tried that?"

"I don't kn-"

"Well, they have, and I haven't done anything with anyone, except you."

"Christian-"

"I don't have a heart, Anastasia. The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be when the time comes." He says, leaving me alone in my room.

 **..**

It's D day. I've been here for 2 weeks, only hours until my death. Frank still hasn't paid his debt, and I debt he will within the hour. I guess he never said anything about the photo they sent him, and I already knew he wouldn't pay anything for me to be released; daughter or not. I mean nothing to him.

Christian and I have been silent all day, and at the moment, we're both sitting on the small loveseat, waiting for his boss to make the call.

"You can do it now." I whisper to Christian. "Just get it over with."

He doesn't say anything, he just gets up and leaves.

I jump when the door closes, not because of the noise, but because I've been on pins and needles all day. Either I would be released, which I highly doubted I would walk out of this cabin alive since day one, or I would be... murdered.

I hear another door and then the start of a car.

And now I'm alone.

Christian must be flustered too, because he left the door unlocked. I could run, but I don't. I just sit here and wait for him to come back.

I don't know what he's doing, probably getting his kill room set up, so I just wait.

And wait.

And wait.

It's hours later before he finally returns and I still haven't moved.

"Here." He hands me the keys to my car. "Go."

I reach to grab them on instinct, looking up at him wide-eyed.

"Oh my god!" I shout, dropping my keys and jumping up from the loveseat to cradle his face gently with my hands. "What happened?"

"Jack and I had a little disagreement." Is all he says. "He and I are no longer friends."

Even though I know Jack wasn't a very good guy, he was Christian's only friend, he has been his only friend since he was 13, so I feel bad.

"What happened?" I repeat. "Did you- Christian, did you pay my debt?"

"It wasn't your debt."

"You know what I mean."

Is that what happened? Christian paid for me to be free and Jack beat him up, or did Christian and Jack fight because Christian told him he wasn't going to kill me?

"Don't worry about it, Anastasia, just go. You're free."

"What if I want to stay? What would happen?"

"Don't." He shakes his head before nodding towards the door. "Go."

"Don't you want me?"

"You're not fighting fair." He tells me, closing his eyes.

"I never have." I grab his hand and pull him into the kitchen area, asking him to get out the first aid kit; since the cabinets all have locks on them.

Making him sit at the table, I clean his knuckles, that I just now notice are just as messed up as his face. He holds onto my hips lightly as I clean his cut lip and eyebrow. He's going to have a real nasty black eye, but he doesn't look too bad. I wonder what Hyde looks like; probably worse, Christian is very much in shape.

"There." I kiss the uncut side of his mouth gently. "All better."

"Good." He smiles, though it looks forced. "Now go."

"You don't want me to stay?"

He shakes his head slightly, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Why? I don't want to go, I want to be with you, Christian-"

"You're too good for me, okay! I don't fucking deserve you, I'm a fucking monster, I was going to-" He stops, unable to finish his sentence.

"I don't care about that. I'm not leaving you."

"Anastasia!" He roars my name, making me jump. "Your stepfather was in an accident while I had you here, you need to go to him, you have to go."

"What?" _Ray was in an accident?!_ "When?"

"He was hit by a drunk driver two days ago, they've been calling you since, but I didn't say anything. I kept you here instead of letting you go because I had a job to do. I answered your phone, pretending to be your brother so I could find out as much about his condition as possible. He's going to be fine, but that doesn't matter, I should've let you go then. Don't you see, I'm not good for you."

"I- I'll come back after I make sure Ray is okay." I tell him, rushing to pick up my keys that I dropped.

"No." He shakes his head. "Don't come back, I don't want you to and I wont be here."

"Where should I go to find you then?"

"For fuck's sake, Anastasia, I'm fifty shades of fucked up, why would you want to be with me? You shouldn't want to be with me, I'm not the man for you. Just go! Live your life and forget all about me. Go be there for your stepfather, he needs you."

I'm conflicted. I want to stay with him but I have to make sure Ray is okay. I would come back, but Christian said he wouldn't be here.

 _Do I stay or do I go? If Christian and I are meant to be, we will be._

Ray is what causes me to run out the door, going straight to my car.

Ignoring the throbbing pain between my legs, I climb into the driver's seat. There is a full tank of gas and a GPS with Portland hospital already listed as the destination, my bag is in the passenger seat with my phone that I thought I lost is sitting in the cup-holder. I have so many missed calls, texts and messages, including some from Portland hospital, Ray and Kate.

With one last look at the cabin, I leave it behind.

I wont say anything about Christian. I'll tell them that Jack kidnapped me and wore a mask the whole time.

As I drive, I think about everything that happened these past two weeks.

Christian, even though at first he was a monster, he turned out to be a very sweet and kind man. I know why he thinks that way, that we don't belong together, but he's wrong. I don't regret my decision to lose my virginity to him, even though I'm alive now. I think... after spending these past two weeks with him, that I've fallen in love with him. No man will ever match up to my captor.

 _How could he mean so much to me in such a short time?_

I want to be with him, but if he wont be here when I get back, I will have no way of finding him. He pointed out his grandparents' house, which he owns, while we were on his boat, but he doesn't stay there and I wouldn't know how to get there because I only saw the back of the property. I may never see him again. Maybe, if things had been different, if we met differently, maybe we could've been together. But I guess I'll never know now.

It's been two weeks, I'm free, and now everyone lives happily ever after...

...everyone except Ana and Christian.

 **The End...  
or is it?**


	10. Entry 9

.

 **Promise Me**

 ** _Christian/Leila  
Forbidden Love: Doctor/Patient_**

* * *

Today I'm going to be recognized for all my efforts over the last seven years. When I started this journey, I never thought this was where I would be. I'm 32, and I'm the best neurosurgeon on the west coast. I knew this is what I was meant to do before the end of my first year as an intern. My mother thought that I would follow in her footsteps, but my grandmother always knew I'd be a surgeon. It was a surgeon that saved her and gave me the few extra years I needed with her to get my focus and leave my rebellious teenage years behind. If not for the time spent with my grandmother during my mid-teenage years, who knows what might have become of me. I was rebellious and fighting, and stealing from dad's liquor cabinet. Then I was kicked out of my second high school at the age of 15. Dad sent me to Grandma and Grandpop's to clean their yard for the summer. Grandma fainted one afternoon while I was there alone with her. She had stopped breathing, and it was the 911 operator who talked me through how to perform CPR on her. The paramedics said I saved her life, but I think it was the surgeon that removed the tumor on her lung that saved her that summer. I will forever be grateful for the extra years I got with her.

Today, I am going to be awarded the most prestigious award a surgeon can achieve, the Mason Jackson award. Most surgeons work their whole life trying to win this award, but at the young age of 32, I will become the youngest winner in the award's 38-year history. I guess if you really want to know how I got here, then I need start at my intern year. My journey didn't begin until that spring day in the hospital courtyard.

 **May 12, 2010**

I'm exhausted. I've just spent the last six hours observing Dr. Preston hoping to hold a suction tube. I know it's only my second week of my internship, but it's like these doctors are punishing me for being an early Harvard graduate. I had my pick of the top six hospitals in the country, and I chose to come to Seattle General. You would think they would treat me a little kinder seeing as how my name brings them prestige. My mother is the head of the pediatrics department here, and the cancer ward is named after my Grandmother Adelaide Trevelyan. I don't want special treatment, I just want to learn and watching from a distance, and performing rectal exams is not going to teach me how to be a great surgeon. I want to cut, and I want to see my hands buried in someone's body. I want to be a healer, and I'm not being given a chance.

I'm here an hour before rounds every day, well before everyone else. I'm the last intern to leave, making sure my resident's charts are always up to date complete before leaving for the day. Yet, I'm the last one to be picked to scrub in on any procedure and the first assigned in the clinic. Thankfully tomorrow is pit day, and all the interns in my rotation get to spend the day in the pit of the emergency department. Maybe then I can at least stitch someone up. Mom has been teaching me basic stitches since I decided on being a surgeon my junior year at Harvard. I can sew 20 stitches into a banana in less than 5 minutes with my eyes closed now.

Grabbing a cup of coffee and a muffin from the breakfast cart near the waiting room, I decide to head to the courtyard for a little fresh air. I have to check on Mrs. Lipinski and get her vitals in an hour. I plan to take the break while I can. Walking toward the tree, I always sat at with Grandma under the big low hanging branch. When I circle the big trunk, I see the most gorgeous creature sitting on our bench that I must stop in my tracks to take in her beauty. She's small and petite. In a soft baby blue dress and a pale pink sweater. She's reading a book, I can't see from here what it is, and she's drinking from an actual juice box. After taking in her high cheekbones and small nose, I wait for her to lift her eyes. I'm struck dead. Warm bourbon eyes meet my cold gray ones. She smiles a small smile at me before offering a greeting. "Hello." Her voice is a soft melody on the gentle breeze washing over me.

"Hello. Do you mind if I sit with you? This bench is my favorite spot in the courtyard, and I was hoping to eat my breakfast here before heading back into work."

"Sure. Are you a doctor here?" She's watching me with genuine curiosity. I thought everyone in this town knew who I was. I'm the medical genius and one of the two infamous Grey Brothers.

"Yes, I'm a surgical intern. I just got out of a six-hour surgery and was looking for a bit of peace before reporting back for rounds."

I watch her face fall when she answers and starts to gather her stuff. "Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'll be on my way and let you be."

I quickly place my hand on her arm to stop her from leaving.

"No, please don't leave. I just meant peace from the pagers and residents constantly barking orders. Seeing you here is a bit refreshing." And I genuinely mean it.

"Okay then. I'm Leila." She offers me her small hand, and as I take it in mine, I notice how soft her skin is.

"Christian." I purposely don't give her my last name.

"What are you reading Leila?" I try to get a good look at the cover, but can't quite see it.

"A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks. It's one of my favorites." Of course, a romance. Chick lit as my little sister Mia calls them.

"I've never read that book before. Not my type really. I'm more of a mystery and suspense kind of guy. Stephen King, James Patterson. Those are the guys I read."

"Nicholas Sparks is my favorite author, but I like Nora Roberts and JK Rowling as well. I'm a bit of a romantic and huge Harry Potter fan." It's cute to watch the light in her eyes as she talks about the different books and the strong and weak points of each. Before I know it, my hour is almost up.

Looking at my watch, I see the time and go to make my excuses, although I want to find excuses to see her again. "I have to get back Leila, or my resident will have my ass. It was wonderful talking to you." I start to run toward the hospital, tossing my coffee cup and muffin wrapper in the trash. I've entered the recovery ward just as I realized that I didn't get her phone number or find a way to talk to her again.

I spent every day for the next week walking to the courtyard on every break I could get trying to find her again. Then exactly one week later at almost the exact same time, there she was under our tree, drinking her juice box, reading a book and wearing the same sweater again. This time she seemed to have a denim dress on underneath.

"Hi, Leila. Can I sit with you again?" I try to be polite and hide my nervousness and eagerness as I round the bench.

"Christian! Yes, please join me. I wondered if I might get to see you today." She seems happy and just as eager as I was.

"Truth be told Leila, I've spent every day the past week looking for you out here. I've been beating myself up constantly for not getting your phone number before I ran back to work last week." I take a sip of my coffee as she pulls her phone out of her purse and asks for my number. I provide it to her and then feel my phone buzz with a message.

"There I just texted you so now you have my number. Now tell me about your week. Did you get to help with any interesting procedures?" I watch her lips suction around the straw of her juice box straw, and it hits me straight in the groin.

"I actually got to assist with an appendectomy yesterday. I was the first intern to get to assist in our rotation, and it was a great experience. I got to suture the patient back up when the procedure was done, and it was amazing." I can't help the smile as I talk about the surgery. Sure, it was just a routine appendix removal, but it was my first, and it was amazing.

She asks me about why I wanted to become a surgeon, and I spend the next 30 minutes telling her all about my Grandma Addie. She is the greatest woman to me next to my mother. My mom rescued me when I was four and adopted me and has never treated me as anything less than her biological son. I watch a little bit of sadness cross her eyes as I talk about my grandmother's cancer and how she finally succumbed two years ago. She got to see me walk across the stage at Harvard with my bachelor's degree, but she didn't get to live long enough to see me be a doctor. My valedictorian speech at our graduation was dedicated to her. I wouldn't be a doctor if it weren't for her.

"Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman Christian, I would have like to have met her." I watch her face and try to memorize every feature. Her long lashes, her pouty lip. Her oh so kissable lip.

"Tell me about your family, Leila. What are they like?"

She twists her hands in her lap and looks at her fingers before she answers me. "Well, it's just my dad and my three brothers and me. I'm the oldest, and my mother died when I was 11. It's been 10 years, but it never gets easier. I think it's harder on my brothers because they were all so little. Denny was only three when she died. Dad has never remarried, never even dated. Said he had already had his time with his life mate. He's a preacher at a small Baptist church over in Allentown in Tukwila. I'd like to say I'm the typical preacher's bad girl daughter, but I'm not. I'm the best girl when it comes to behavior. I've never disobeyed or disrespected my father. I'm the closest thing my brothers have to a mother, and I skipped college to stay home and help my dad with them. I spend two days a week for three hours a day at the church helping my dad with the programs for Sunday's service and correspondence and balancing the church's books. All things my mother use to do till she died."

I'm genuinely intrigued. I'd have never pegged her for a preacher's daughter, but then again, I've only seen her twice and each time she was in a skirt and sweater. She doesn't wear makeup or jewelry outside a small, thin ring on her index finger on her right hand. When I look into her eyes again, I see tears starting to pool. I quickly grasp her hand, fingering her small ring.

"Leila, what's wrong. You can tell me. I'd hope that after everything we've shared, we are at least friends."

"That's the thing, Christian. I can only be your friend. We can't be more. I want to spend all the time with you that I can, but it's not possible. We can't be anything more. I have so many other important things in my life. Promise me that you'll be my friend. Promise me that you won't fall in love with me. Promise me, Christian. I have to hear you say the words." And now her tears are starting to silently fall. I reach over to wipe one tear from her cheek, and she reaches for my hand and stops me. Her eyes pleading with me to say the words I don't want to say.

"Okay, Leila. I'll always be your friend." I don't want to say the rest because I think it might already be a little too late for that.

"No promise me Christian, promise me that you won't fall in love with me." I can't believe she's making me say this.

I have to grind out the words to please her. "I promise I won't fall in love with you Leila."

Her response is no more than a relieved whisper. "Thank you."

I hear her phone beep, and when she looks to it, she quickly wipes her tears away and transforms back into her prim and proper self. "I have to go. That was my dad. I'll talk to you later Christian. You have my number text me anytime. Calls may be difficult to answer with my dad and brothers around. If I don't talk to you before then, I'll see you the same time next week." And with that, she was gone.

I spent the entire week texting her every evening asking how her day was. She asked me a new question every day trying to get to know me. She's the first person I've ever really let get to know me really, outside my family anyway. I dated in high school and college, but with a touch phobia, it was a little difficult. I was 20 before I lost my virginity. I had spent years with my therapist working on the touch things, and I finally got to where I was okay if someone accidentally touched me over my shirt. To this day, I've still not let anyone touch my bare chest or my bare back. The few times I've gotten completely naked for sex, I either held the girl's hands or took her from behind. It's made relationships difficult, meaning I've not made it past a second night with a girl since.

I've gone over everything in my mind trying to figure out how I'm going to convince Leila to give me more. To allow me to fall in love with her. For the third week in a row, I meet her at our tree, and I'm not even on rotation today. I watch her walk up to the bench, and I hand her a juice box. They're the same kind they give to patients in the hospital, and I find it absolutely adorable that she drinks them. Today she's reading The Graduate. I can't hide the small chuckle. Little preacher's daughter reading about the affair of a man with the wife of his dad's business partner.

"Thank you," she says as she takes the proffered juice box. "How are you today Christian? I figured you'd be resting or at the research library getting every piece of info you could on Doctor Bradley's newest case."

This week we had an elderly woman come in with stage III liver cancer. None of her family is a match, and unless we can come up with a plan to remove the tumor completely, she'll likely die waiting for a transplant. "Mrs. Reynolds is holding strong for now. I'm due to meet a couple of the other interns in the research library in a couple hours to try and come up with a plan to present to Dr. Bradley at rounds tomorrow." I have an idea, but I need to know more, and I need as many brains to pick while I come up with said plan. This is the sort of thing that I became a surgeon for.

"So, Leila this is the third week I've met you here. You've yet to tell me why you are here each week." I watch as she looks to her hands knotted in her lap, her telltale sign that she's not comfortable in the conversation. "My dad and I have a standing weekly appointment." She offers nothing more than that. I guess her dad had Dialysis or therapy of some sort, though she never says.

We continue our weekly ritual of getting to know one another. It's like any other Wednesday we've had, but I'm reluctant to let it end. It's her phone beep that signals the end of our time together. "Let me take you to dinner or a movie this weekend. I have an actual Saturday evening free. Spend it with me please."

"I can't Christian. Remember, you promised not to fall in love with me. I can't go on a date with you." That hurts, but I've got to turn this around.

"Who said anything about a date? Don't you know friends get together on the weekend and hang out? Sometimes they eat and see movies. Other times they drag themselves from bar to bar getting drunk. What do you say? No romance. Just friends." Please don't let her say no this time.

"Fine. I'll hang out with you Saturday. Text me details later and don't get any ideas about picking me up. That's what dates do." She didn't say no. She didn't say no, I can't hide my smile.

"I'll text you, Leila. Till then." I give her a kiss on her cheek before she walks away and my breath catches in my chest when my lips met her skin. I've already broken my promise to her. I've done the forbidden and fallen in love with her. I have to convince her to change her mind. I've got three days to prepare.

I spent the afternoon in the library with my fellow interns. When we left, it was hard trying to get Bethany Walker to leave me alone. That woman is like a dog with a bone. She's been trying to attach herself to me since we started. She's even gone so far as to buddy up to my mother. Thankfully, my mom is respectful enough to not push me toward her.

"Hey Grey, how about a drink tonight. We rarely get these days off. You developed a solid plan to present to Bradley. We should celebrate." Yeah, that's right, it's my plan. Hopefully, it'll work. I can't stomach the idea of that poor woman living her life in a hospital bed waiting for a liver.

"No thanks, Beth. I've got plans to visit my Grandfather before turning in. Then I intend to get a night of uninterrupted sleep for the first time in a month." Hopefully, she gets the hint.

"Want someone to help put you to sleep?" Yeah, she's not getting it and the thought of anyone being with me makes my stomach turn. She strokes the lapel of my jacket, and I have to remove her hand.

"I'm good Beth. Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I'm ever going to want you to help me get to sleep." I'm trying to be nice to this girl, but she's a barracuda.

"You'll change your mind eventually. I'll get you in an on-call room sooner or later." With that, she flips her hair over her shoulder and walks away. I breathe a sigh of relief when she's out of my sight. I need to see Pops before Saturday. He'll know what I need to do to get Leila to fall in love with me.

I'm looking at my watch for what has to be the third time in the last five minutes. It's Saturday. My non-date day with Leila. Pops said to make it as relaxed as possible. That the romance would come naturally. He said that I needed to avoid the typical candlelight dinner and movie with the tried and true yawn and shoulder wrap. So instead we are having a picnic at the park and feeding the ducks. Then we are taking a walk along the pier and a ride on the Ferris wheel. Then I'm taking her to my favorite spot in the city to watch the stars. I'm not sure what time she plans to be home. I don't plan to keep her all night, nor do I want to get her into bed tonight. She's a lady, and I need to treat her with respect. I won't lie though, I plan to try and kiss her tonight. The minute I think she'll be receptive, I'm going for it. I want this, and I want it with her.

I asked her to meet me at the park at 6 pm at Lincoln Park. We'll have to take my car down to the pier afterward to walk around and ride the Ferris wheel. I'm standing at the edge of the parking lot I told her to meet me at when I see a small dark blue Nissan pull up to me. I can see Leila in the passenger seat. She leans over and kisses some guy on the cheek before exiting the car. She grabs a basket from the back seat before walking to me.

"Hi, Christian. I know you said you would take care of everything, but when you said picnic, I couldn't leave the house without a few of my favorites. I thought we could share." She looks so sweet. She's in a blue cotton dress with little white daisies all over and a braided leather belt. She's got her signature sweater as well. This time it's a long white cardigan as long as the skirt. Her feet are adorned with simple sandals with a strap around the ankle and one across the toes. Her hair is brushed back over her shoulders in simple waves. Not a bit of makeup and she is beauty personified. Her lack of makeup makes her look closer to 16 than her actual 21 years. I'm in love with this girl, and she doesn't even know it.

"Hey, beautiful. You ready." I go to grab the basket from her, but she pulls it back from my reach.

"Nah-huh. Remember non-date. You promised not to fall in love with me." Yes, I know, but it was already too late when I made that promise. "It's forbidden. I will carry my own basket and don't call me beautiful again. Too close to date language."

"Date language? Seriously, Leila. You are beautiful, and you should learn to take a compliment. It's going to be a long night if you can't." Hopefully, that worked in my favor instead.

"I'm sorry Chris. I want this to be a good evening, and I just don't want to disappoint you."

"Leila, you could only disappoint me if you stop spending time with me. It's only been three weeks, and already you are my best friend. You are the one I want to talk to at the end of each day. I want to share all of my milestones at work with you, and I want to just do whatever I can to make you smile. As long as you let me keep spending my time with you, then you'll never disappoint me."

There is some kind of look that comes across her face, but it's gone before I can decipher it. "Okay Christian. Let's just enjoy our evening."

"Something smells good. What did you bring in that basket with you?" I Take her free hand in mine and pick up my basket with my other hand. We walk to a small clearing with a nice view of the water. I lay out the food from my basket. Mom helped me get the food. I have turkey sandwiches, carrot and celery sticks, fruit salad, and chocolate chip cookies. I also brought a jug of sweet tea and two cups, plates and silverware sets each. She opens her basket and pulls out a Tupperware container full of fried chicken, another with homemade rolls, and sweet-smelling corn on the cob.

"Damn, woman. Here I thought I was doing good with the sandwiches and you completely show me up with the home cooked food. I was trying my best to not use the cook at my mom's house." This woman is amazing.

Her giggle is a delight, "It's nothing really. I cooked dinner for dad and brothers and just made us a little bit extra. My brother Greer wasn't too happy to have dinner time interrupted though. He's used to dinner being served right at six and instead it was earlier tonight. When he found why dinner was early tonight, he insisted on driving me. I'll have to call him for a ride home later tonight."

"I'll be happy to give you a ride home Leila." Please let me show you home, my plea silent.

"We'll see how the night goes. Remember, you promised." I'm going to forever regret this promise.

"Maybe we can revisit that later." And that's all I'll say anymore on the matter of the stupid promise.

We spend the meal eating our dinner and talking about our childhoods. She tells me about each of her brothers, Greer, who is 19 and just finished his freshman year at WSU, Frankie, who is 15, and Denny who just turned 14 last month. She tells me about her mother, the quintessential preacher's wife. A God-fearing woman, who knew how to put the fear of God and of her into her children. A woman that Leila looks up to most and misses dearly if the tears that she refuses to spill are anything to go by.

I tell her about how I came to live with the Greys and my adoption. I tell her about my big brother Elliot and little sister Mia, both adopted themselves. I tell her about my grandmother and how she became the reason for me becoming a doctor. She had thought it was because my mother was a doctor. When I spoke about my Grandma Addie's cancer, I saw the tears that once again threatened to spill from her eyes.

"My mom died of breast cancer. She was always so focused on everyone else that she never saw a doctor until it was too late." I watch her brush away a stray tear before she continues. "She was the greatest person, the greatest mother. Always doing something for someone else. I was only eleven, and I was so mad at God for taking her from me. It wasn't the first time I was mad at him, and it wasn't even the last. I've screamed at him over the years asking why and pleading for fairness. I've finally come to terms with it all though. Sometimes our journeys aren't meant to be long lasting. Sometimes we're meant to be here for a flash. To make a difference in the life of someone specific and once we've completed our journey, we're called home to rest." I get the feeling she's talking about more than her mother now. I catch the tear falling on her cheek and lift her chin to look her in the eyes.

"You've made a difference in my life already Leila." I know anything else wouldn't be welcome now, so I only placed a soft kiss on the crown of her hair.

"Thank you, Christian. That means a lot more to me than you realize." We continue to sit and eat our dinner as we watch the sunset. When the sun was finally beyond the horizon, we gathered our leftovers and headed back to my car. She didn't hesitate when I held my hand out to her, clasping as tightly to me as I was to her it seemed. Once safely ensconced in the car, we headed toward the pier and Seattle's Great Wheel. "21 years on this planet and I've never been on the wheel." She was genuinely excited.

"I was 12 the last time I went. My dad took Mia and me when Elliot was at a school dance, and mom was on call." I remember Mia bullying us into going. She usually gets her way in all things.

I quickly pay the fee for both of us, and soon we are on our way to the top, pausing here and there as more people get on and off the wheel. When we're are close to the top, she reaches over and takes my hand in hers and leans her head on my shoulder. "Christian?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"What is it, Angel?" I can't help the name as it slips out.

"Promise me, Christian." Please don't make me promise again. I send up a silent plea because I never want to deny her anything, but I can't promise not to love her again. "Say you'll promise me."

"What do you want me to promise you, Angel? I'll try to give you anything your heart desires." And I mean it anything but to not love her.

"Promise me that you'll forget what I said earlier about not falling in love with me. I need you to love me for as long as I can love you." She looks up at me, and I see the tears pooling in her eyes. I grasp both sides of her head in my large hands and kiss away the tears.

"I promise. I already love you. I broke my first promise, but it will be the only one I ever break. I love you, Leila." I start with a gentle kiss on her lips, made soft by her tears, and wrap an arm around her pulling her closer to me in the seat. "I promise Leila, I'll never stop loving you."

Leila and I spent the next month with each other nearly every chance we got. When we had the 'talk,' I was shocked, although I shouldn't have been. She'd spent the last ten years caring for others. She skipped college to stay home and help her dad and brothers, of course, she didn't have a social life. No social life meant she was a virgin. I wanted desperately to be her first and only. I wanted her to be my last. I was sure that she wanted to wait until marriage, and I was willing. Then she told me what she wanted to do for my birthday.

June 18th, 2010, will be a day I will never forget. I turned 26 and was given the most amazing and most precious gift in the world. I would have proposed that night if I didn't feel like she would say no because of the circumstances. I wish I had proposed that night. It would have been better than the proposal she got.

"Christian, I know what I want to do with you for your birthday. Your parents are having that big party for you on Saturday, the day after your birthday. I want to spend Friday night with you on your actual birthday." She sounded nervous and excited at the same time.

"What do you want to do Leila and what time will you need to be home?" She always wants to be home by midnight.

"Actually, I don't want to go home. I thought that I could spend the night with you and I want to spend it out on your boat. You keep telling me about this great boat your Pops got you for graduation and I want to spend the night on it. Just me, you, and the ocean." Shit, my dick is hard as stone. I don't know how I can spend the night with her and not make love to her. We've had several heavy petting sessions, she's even gotten braver in her strokes. Hell, the woman nearly made me cream my pants last night from all her stroking and grinding. "We can do anything that you want, Angel. I'll tell Mac we're going to be going out. He'll make sure everything is in order for us. I'll have to pick you up at about 4 though, so that we can get on the water and anchored before it's too dark." I also plan to romance the hell out of her. I won't push her to do anything she doesn't want to, but I can certainly do my best to seduce her. I need to check the expiration date on my condoms. The last box I bought was six months ago and I've not had sex with anyone other than my right hand in almost four months.

"That sounds wonderful Christian. I can't wait. It's going to be the most amazing night." That it will.

When Friday rolled around, we headed out to the boat and were quickly on our way. We anchored about a mile off the north shore of Bainbridge Island. "I have a few presents for you Christian." We were snuggled on the bench on the deck of the boat alone under the stars after having eaten dinner and watched the sunset together.

"You know Angel, you didn't need to get me anything. You being with me is enough. I love you, and the fact that you wanted to be alone with me means a lot." I place a soft kiss on her forehead, she likes those kisses the best she said once. They made her feel safe, protected and cared for, all three things I want to do for her.

"Well, I did get you a couple things." She reaches under the blanket and hands me a couple small packages. I open the top present, and it's a picture her brother took of us two weeks ago when we were at the aquarium together. Her father was supposed to take him, but someone in their parish needed her dad's help, so we took Denny for him. "Thank you, baby. I'll put it next to my bed at home."

I proceed to the next package. It seems heavier, but not as solid. I open to find a journal with a dark worn leather cover that wraps around the journal with a fine leather string to tie it closed. I open it up and find a message from her, and I'm in tears as I read it.

 _My Dearest Christian,_

 _I never thought I would meet someone as amazing as you on the same day my life would change irrevocably. You are the most amazing man I have ever met, and I can only love you harder as each day passes. I'm so glad that neither of us could keep that first promise. I am so happy that you fell in love with me._

 _I asked you to promise to love me fully every day for as long as I can love you and you've done just that. I love you so much. We talked about journeys once, and I'm convinced you were meant to be part of my journey. Thank you for being with me._

 _I know you're not the God-Fearing person that I am, but I feel the need to share one of my favorite Bible passages with you. I want you to know that when I think of this passage it's you and our love I think of. I love you._

' _Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.'_

 _1 Corinthians 13:4-8_

 _Don't ever let our love fail. Please make me one more promise. Promise that no matter what the future holds, you always remember our love as it is on this night._

 _Love Always, Leila_

"Promise me, Christian. I need another one. Promise me that you will always remember our love for what it is tonight." She sounds ominous, and I have no idea why. The pleading of her eyes and the tears that I see as she tries to hold it in, force the words out of my mouth.

"I promise, Angel. I'll always remember." I place kisses across her face, her eyes, her cheeks, her nose, her forehead before I reach her lips. She quickly turns the kiss into more, and soon I'm stretched out on top of her on the bench.

"I love you, Christian, take me to bed and make love to me please." I pull back and look into her eyes not sure I heard her right. I thought sure as the world we'd just be sleeping tonight.

I brush her hair behind her ear before I speak. "Are you sure Angel? I'll be man enough to admit I've thought of nothing else but making love to you for the last two months, but I don't want you to feel pressured or go against your beliefs."

"I'm sure Christian. For just this one night I want to forget about all my responsibilities and who I am outside of when I am with you. I want to be a woman in the most basic way a woman can be, with a man she loves. I know that it will be extraordinary. I love you so it can't be anything less."

Damn this woman always knows what to say. I pick her up and carry her bridal style down the stairs and to the sleeping berth. The queen bed is covered in a cream duvet with a couple of coral pillows adorned with blue flowers. I placed her on her feet at the end of the bed. She started with my shirt. We had spent the last two months working up to her being able to touch me. She's not touched my bare skin, yet, but I know she would never hurt me. The fear isn't there with her. She takes her time unbuttoning each button before she reaches the belt of my pants. I stop her and push my shirt off before undoing my pants myself. I push them off so that I'm standing in front of her in nothing but my blue boxers.

"Christian you're beautiful."

"My scars are hideous, Leila."

"No, they are beautiful; a testament to what you can overcome." She leans in and places a kiss to my scar, and I feel electrified. I need to get her undressed and get inside her.

I reach around her as I kiss her with all the passion I can muster. I slide the zipper of her silk floral dress down, and she takes a step back, letting the dress pool at her feet. She is now standing in front of me in nothing but white silk and lace. She is beautiful. Her skin is glowing. "Angel, you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen." I pick her up and place her on the bed. "You're sure this is what you want. You know you can say stop at any time, and I'll stop."

"I know Christian. I love you, and I trust you. You will make this wonderful."

She fists her hand in my hair and pulls me back for a searing kiss. When she opens her mouth to me, we are each fighting for dominance in the kiss. My tongue wrestles with hers trying to prove superiority. I win when she moans and melds her body to mine. I brush a hand over her breast and feel the goosebumps that dot her skin. She moans and mewls as I play with her nipple through the fabric.

"Take it off Christian, please. I want you to see all of me." Damn it.

"Angel, please let me take this at my pace. I want to savor this and worship you."

"Okay Christian. I love you."

"I love you to Leila."

I reach behind her and free her breast from the confines of her bra. "Baby you are so beautiful." My words are a whispered worship as I take a nipple in my mouth. She's so responsive and pleading for me to do something. "Please Christian. It feels like I'm on fire." I treat the other nipple to the same treatment before I move lower and remove her underwear. She's neat and trimmed, but not bare. I rub my nose along her mons, and she moans even louder pleading with me. "Please baby. Promise me you won't torture me much longer."

"I promise baby. I'm about to make you feel really good." I don't know what it is about the promises, but I love making them to her. And I love keeping them even more. I dive into her female lips. I start with soft kisses before I start sucking and nipping. I spread her apart with my fingers and attack her clit. I start with soft, slow flicks. When I start to add pressure, I insert one finger into her core. Fuck she's tight. "Baby you're squeezing me so tight. I need to stretch you out a bit. If it gets uncomfortable, you let me know. I love you, baby."

"I know you do Christian, but you promised not to torture me. Please, baby please." I love hearing her beg for her release. I go back to her clit, increasing the pressure even more as I add a second finger. She's trembling on the edge of erupting when I suck her clit into my mouth and suck hard. She's screaming when she flies over the edge. I lap up her juices as they flood my mouth. My fingers are gripped in her like a vice. When she starts to relax, I add a third finger, stretching her like I promised. I don't want her in any pain when I'm finally inside her. I continue my assault on her clit with my tongue as my fingers continue to move inside of her. I don't increase the pace as I bring her closer to the edge once again. Just before she detonates, I reach up and pinch a nipple, and she's screaming my name once again as she comes for the second time in five minutes.

I rear up over her and kiss her, letting her taste her arousal on me. "Are you ready Angel?" She's panting when she simply nods her head. I sit back and remove my boxers and grab the condom and roll on. She stops me when she sees what I'm doing.

"I've been on birth control since I was 14 to help with all sorts of stuff. I want to feel you Christian, skin to skin. I trust that you are clean. Please don't use the condom." Shit, this girl is perfect. I quickly remove the condom and toss it to the floor.

I line myself up with her and slowly insert myself inside her inch by inch when I reach her barrier. "Just do it, Christian. I'm ready."

I place a kiss on her forehead and whisper an apology before I pull out and shove back inside ripping through her innocence. "I love you, Angel." "I love you to Christian." I see tears starting to pool at the corners of her eyes and kiss them away. "You can move now."

I slowly pull out and then push back in. I continue to slowly rock in and out of her. She places her hands on my back, holding on, and I grab one leg behind the knee and lift it higher up over my hip giving me deeper access. Slowly we climb the mountain to euphoria, but I want it to last, and I don't want it without her. "Come with me, Leila. You're so beautiful when you come." I whisper to her until she reaches the peak and three thrusts later I'm following her over the ledge. I've never experienced an orgasm like that before, and she's the first woman I've ever taken skin to skin. "I love you, Leila. Thank you, my Angel."

We made love twice that night before we fell asleep in the wee hours of the night out on the water of the bay. When we woke the next morning, we ate breakfast before sailing back to the marina. Leila was feeling tired and excused herself for a nap about a half hour before we reached the docks. When we anchored once again, I went to wake her while Mac finished securing the boat.

"Leila, Angel. We're back. It's time to wake up. I need to take you home so you can see your brothers and dad for a few hours before we all go to mom and dad's for my birthday party tonight." She doesn't stir as I move into the room. In fact, she looks pale. Her breathing is shallow. Oh, my God.

"Leila, Leila wake up!" I'm shouting now and trying to shake her awake, but it's no use. I pick her up and race to the top of the deck.

"Mac! Mac! Call 911. She's not waking up."

The next 20 minutes was a blur I'll never forget. They wouldn't let me in the ambulance with her because I'm not related. I called her father as I hopped into my car and headed for Seattle Gen. I called my mother after him and asked her to meet me in the ER.

We had to wait for two hours before the doctors came out to talk to us. Bobby wouldn't talk to me much while we waited. Said I had to wait to hear it from Leila or the doctor. Leila had told him I was to have full access to her records if she was brought in. She even signed a medical power of attorney with my name on it. Why though? Why would she do that? She's such a young and healthy woman.

I didn't have to wait long when I saw Doctor Bradley come out with Doctor Peters. She needs surgery. Emergency surgery and I'm scrubbing in. There is a third doctor that looks familiar, but I'm not sure where I know her from. She's about my mother's age. When mom sees her, she lets a gasp slip, and I hear a whispered "Oh no, not Leila." Don't tell me my Angel is dead, please.

"Bobby," the unknown doctor greets him like they've known each other for ages. "I didn't think it would be this soon after her scans on Wednesday. But the tumor is encroaching on her windpipe. We're going to do another scan, but you should be prepared that its possible its spread more extensively into her lungs than we thought. Dr. Bradley is going to be performing the surgery to remove the tumor on her windpipe. The goal is to be able to do so without damaging her vocal chords. It's possible she may not be able to talk after this."

Dr. Bradley is going to remove a tumor from my Angel. She has cancer. I know the other doctor now. She's the one who diagnosed Grandma Addie's cancer the first time around. "Doctor Feldman, I wish I was seeing you under better circumstances. Dr. Bradley, I'm scrubbing in. I don't care if I'm only allowed to hold a retractor, you're not keeping me from that OR."

Dr. Bradley holds his hands up, "Actually, that's exactly what's about to happen. From my conversation with Dr. Feldman, I realize you have a personal relationship with the patient. I understand that she was never a patient of yours, but technically it is against hospital policy to have relationships with patients. If you go in that OR I will have you kicked out of the program. This is not a joke Dr. Grey. Talk to your mother. Let her tell you how serious this is. You've been carrying on a relationship with my patient for two months and not said a word. I gave you her scans last week to work a plan for her tumor resection, and you said nothing."

"What?" I feel like I've been punched. "She's patient 263?"

"Yes, and stop acting like you didn't know." Dr. Bradley is getting agitated, but I really didn't know.

"Dr. Bradley, Dr. Feldman, I really didn't know she was sick. I thought she was visiting each week while her dad was being seen. I had no idea. Dr. Bradley, I'll stay outside the OR, but you can't keep me from the gallery. I need to watch. I love that woman, and I feel helpless here. Cases like hers are why I became a surgeon."

"Christian, honey, I think it's better you stay out here with her family. I'll call home and tell Mia to call all the guests and cancel the party. You need to be here with her."

I break down when I realize what is happening. My Angel is dying. The cancer ravaging her body has started to spread to her brain. She has two small lesions we were trying to find a way to remove without affecting her short-term memory. The tumors in her lungs won't get any better. Her best hope is for a lung transplant. The tumor on her liver is easily fixed. Her liver will regenerate. Her ovaries have already been removed when she was 14. Her cancer first presented as ovarian cancer.

I collapse on the floor crying. Everything makes so much sense now. All the promises.

"Promise me you won't fall in love with me."

"Promise me you'll love me as long as I love you."

"Promise me that you'll always remember our love for what it is tonight."

Dammit. She knew. She knew she was going to die on me. She knew she was going to be leaving me. Why didn't I ask her to marry me? I look at Bobby silently crying on his own. My mother helps me from the floor, and I walk to him and kneel in front of him.

"I didn't know Mr. Williams. She never told me. You have to believe me. I wouldn't have kept her out all night if I knew." He's shaking his head at me now.

"That's exactly why she didn't tell you. I'm not an idiot, I know what happened last night. I am a man of the cloth, but she wanted that one night. She wanted to be a woman and not a patient. That's why she never told you. You weren't meant to know till something like this happened. I'm happy she found you though. You've made the last few months bearable for her. She always spends that hour after the chemo sitting under that tree with you then goes home to her silent suffering. She's taken care of all of us over the years. Even when she was battling cancer the first time. That was a simple one. The doctors just had to remove the ovaries, and she went through a round of radiation, and she was good as new. This one though. It started in her breast and spread quickly. The day she met you she'd been given six months. All we could do anymore was make her comfortable. Make her suffering less painful. But you've helped her more than modern medicine. She'll make it through this and then she will go home. She won't want to be in the hospital." His hand clasped to my shoulder the entire time he talks and he tightens as he continues his monologue. "She loves you, I can see clear as day that she loves you. This is going to be just as painful for you, but I have to beg you to stay with her until the end. Please don't break my baby's heart."

"Mr. Williams, I would marry her tomorrow if she'll have me. She's changed my life as much as I've changed hers. Please. I'm asking your permission. As soon as she's able to walk down the aisle, I want to marry her. I want you to marry us. I know it's something she's always dreamed about, she told me so the second week we met under the tree. I think I knew I loved her then, even when she made me promise to not fall in love with her. I couldn't help it. I swear that's the only promise to her I've ever broken. I won't fail her."

"Son, I would be honored to marry the two of you. You've got to get her to agree first, and that means that we have to make it through this surgery first."

Now I just need to visit Pops to get Grandma's ring. He said that I could have it when I found the right girl. I may only have a few months left with her, but she's the one.

Two days later, Leila was removed from the vents. She could breathe on her own. The tumor was completely removed from her windpipe, and there was minimal scarring to her vocal chords. Her voice was a little husky now, but that just made her sexier. Pops gave me Grandma Addie's ring yesterday. Told me he was proud of me. My mother put me in for two weeks leave so that we can plan the wedding. It's going to be held at her father's church, the one he married her mother in. Her father had her mother's wedding dress cleaned for her, and I know that she will want to wear it. Mia helped with the flowers and cake. Simple yellow and white daisies wrapped with a gold ribbon. The cake is three layers, and each layer looks like a basket weave and is topped with white and yellow daisies. We only invited about 50 people. Only close family and friends. Elliot will be my best man, and Denny will be her Man of Honor. Now I just have to get her to agree.

I'm in bed beside her reading her one of her favorites, Dear John, another Nicholas Sparks book. When their characters start talking about being together forever, I decide now is the time. I place the book marker in the book and set it aside. My arm wraps around her, and I tug her closer. I use my other hand to grasp her chin between my thumb and forefinger.

"Angel."

"Yes, Christian, my love."

"Marry me. Let me be your husband for as long as I can." I whisper the words as I try to hide the emotion begging for release. I refuse to cry in front of her.

"Yes, Christian I'll marry you. I've been waiting for you to ask. But I need one more promise from you before we say I do."

"Anything Angel. You can have anything your heart desires." I will forever regret those words; this next promise is the one that broke my heart.

"Promise me that you love after I'm gone. Promise me that you won't mourn me forever like my father. Promise me that you'll find someone new and have a family with her. Grow old together. Promise me, please. Tell me you love me and that you understand. Promise me that you won't stop loving."

I can't hide the tears anymore. I know what she wants, but I'm not sure I can keep this promise. I will try, as much as it breaks my heart. I will one day try and love again. "I promise, Angel. I promise. Now marry me."

"Tell me when and I'll be there."

I wipe my tears as a smile spreads across my face. "You have five days. Dr. Bradley says you refused the brain surgery, so you're discharged tomorrow. We're getting married on Saturday." I bring the ring from my pocket and slip it onto her finger. It's an antique platinum ring in with a center stone only a half caret. It was my grandmother's and that makes it the most perfect ring.

"Christian this is too much. I'll wear this ring for now, but promise me that you'll get me a plain solid band. You should keep this ring so that you can pass it onto your children. I know from the stories you've told me that this must be your grandmother's ring." My heart broke a little more. She makes too much sense.

"Okay, I'll get you a plain ring as you want. I love you and whatever you want is what you get."

On Saturday, we were married. Her long-sleeved lace gown was perfect and befitting of my Angel. When we said I do, we recited the traditional vows. We pledged to love one another in front of our closest family and friends with her father's blessing. We spent our wedding night aboard the Grace once again making love on the deck under the stars. The next day returning to her father's home.

We stayed with him in her childhood bedroom. I took a leave of absence from the program to care for her. She wrote letters to everyone, Denny especially. Letters to read upon graduations and birthdays and other life milestones. She wrote letters to me, and even a letter to my future wife. I cried and drank a couple beers with Bobby after that one.

Summer slipped into fall, and she fell more and more ill. Till two days before our three-month anniversary, she didn't wake up. Friday, October 29th, 2010. Leila Marie Williams passed away in her home, in our bed, in her sleep.

I grieved for a couple weeks before returning to the program. It was ultimately the brain tumors that took her from us, and I wanted to stop that from happening to anyone else again.

So here I am today. I am about to be rewarded because I found a cure for the brain tumor that killed my wife, six years too late. The hospital wanted to call it the Grey method, but I named it the LeWill Method. Here I am seven years after my wife's death sitting at a dinner with a bunch of other doctors I don't like, and a bunch of new doctors I've yet to meet. My new surgical interns start tomorrow. I hate interns. I hated them when I was one, and I hate them even more now. I'm going to Sam's for a drink after this. This cheap wine is doing nothing for me.

Sitting in Sam's Bar, I see a leggy brunette walk up to the bar and order a tequila from Sam. "Straight, no chaser. And get me some salt."

I give her second look and realize she looks so much like my Leila it's unreal. I feel a stirring I've not felt in years. I remember my last promise to Leila. "Promise me you'll try to love again." I've not even looked at another woman since, but this one I could look at again and again. She catches me eyeing her, and she turns to me and introduces herself.

"Hi, I'm Ana, Anastasia Steele."


	11. Entry 10

.

 **Second Choice - A Story of Christian and Taylor**

 ** _Christian/Taylor  
Forbidden Love: Society Doesn't Approve_**

* * *

Taylor hears screaming upstairs and, with a sigh, downs his glass of whiskey. _Christian should've been with him instead…_

Inside, Taylor knew. He knew that, once night fell and Christian was sick of his brown haired submissive, he'll come running to him. Taylor will be the one that he's fucking.

Taylor's eyes are sad and tired as he absentmindedly twirls the yellow liquor in his cup and stares hard into the distance. Taylor wonders if it was going to be the belt or cane tonight.

Upstairs, Taylor recognizes the sound of crying and, in his mind, he can imagine Christian comforting his submissive. They were girls, and it was acceptable for them to cry and hurt. But he was a man, and in society, he was taught to show no emotions, to be stoic no matter the cost. However, Taylor desperately wanted what each and every one of Christian's submissives had.

Aftercare.

Yes, that's right, Taylor wanted aftercare. He wanted to cry, and to be able to express the pain he's feeling. He wanted Christian, his master, to wrap his arms around him and gently rock him. He wanted Christian to press his soft lips against his bruises and welts and tell him everything was alright. He wanted Christian to hold him in his arms, or even play him a song.

 _It was stupid, really._

In his heart, Taylor knew that it was impossible. Christian didn't feel anything for him. If his submissives were his fuck toys, then Taylor was merely a piece of trash that Christian could kick around as he pleased. Christian never comforted Taylor, and of course, Taylor never asked for comfort either. Aftercare wasn't a part of their contract, and Taylor knew, he knew that he looked liked the pimp that once burned Christian, and that Christian hated him.

Taylor knew that he was Christian's second choice.

He was Christian's second choice, and his submissives were his first choice. They resembled his mother, who, although a bad mother, never harmed him. He. He resembled something much worse.

He will always be Christian's second choice. He will always be his useless, little toy. He will never get aftercare, and Christian will never care for him. He was second. Not first. Taylor needed to remember that.

Taylor wished that he could just walk away and leave the bastard. He wished that he could leave behind all of the hurt and pain and suffering. However, every time Taylor looked at the elevator door, he knew that he couldn't. All of his life, Taylor has experienced pain, and when he joined the army, the pain only intensified. War has done something to him that could never be erased. War has etched a scar so deep in him that without the constant pain and suffering, Taylor felt empty. In many ways, the physical punishments Taylor received was a way for him to mask his emotion turmoil, because, without the physical pain, all that Taylor had left were haunted memories filled with blood, tears, and war.

A knock sounds on Taylor's office door, and he gets up to answer it. He already knew who it is so he bows his head.

Christian stands before him. His grey eyes are the color of frost, and Taylor can see his feet, set about shoulder width apart.

"How was Jessica, sir?" Taylor asks, hiding the hurt in his voice by focusing on Christian's bare feet.

A small frown mars Christian's feature as he thinks of how to respond. Jessica wasn't a great sub, she had a low pain threshold, and their session left Christian filling unsatisfied.

Finally, he decides that he should answer honestly. "She doesn't have that high of a pain tolerance level. I'm afraid our session is going have to be harder than usual."

Taylor shrugs. That was ok.

 _It was always ok._

Christian's frown deepens. For some reason, he can't figure out why, Taylor wasn't his self today. However, Christian decides to let it go. Maybe it was just stress.

"I want you to be ready in five minutes." He says, tilting Taylor's chin up with two fingers so he could stare into his beautiful, dark brown eyes.

"Yes, sir." Taylor murmurs before quickly darting his gaze away.

XXXXXXXXXX

Taylor lays, naked, over the whipping bench in Christian's playroom. He can feel Christian moving around behind him, probably selecting a cane or a belt, before Christian lightly touches him.

"I'm going to give you sixteen with the cane, alright? Are you ok with that number?" Christian asks, not unkindly.

Taylor debates this for a second. Christian usually only gave him 12 strokes, max, but 16 was ok as well.

 _Like he said, it was always ok._

"Yes, sir." Taylor answers.

"Do you remember your safe words?" Christian asks. He wanted Taylor to know that it was always ok to use his safe words, no matter what, even if he knew Taylor never used them.

"Red and yellow sir."

"Good boy." Christian gently praises.

Taylor feels Christian lightly tap the tip of the cane against him, measuring his swing, before the cane comes whistling down, right across the center of his buttocks as he sucks in a sharp breath. Christian was hitting quite hard.

The second and third stroke followed.

By the sixth stroke, Taylor was gripping the edge of the bench as he bites his tongue to prevent himself from screaming.

The eighth, ninth, and tenth stroke were lower, against the sensitive skin of his thighs.

 _Just six more, Taylor can do six more._

Taylor grits his teeth and screws his eyes shut for the next three, but by the fifteenth stroke, he can't help the lone tear that trickled down the side of his face. He can no longer help the feeling of betrayal.

He was the second choice. He was the one that Christian didn't care about. Christian would've never given any of his submissives sixteen strokes. The maximum amount for them was usually six, maybe eight. Not sixteen.

The last stroke fell.

XXXXXXXXXX

Christian's breathing heavily, his nostrils flare, as he regains his composure and comes down from his high.

It's only until now that Christian realizes Taylor didn't move. He was still laying, quietly, over the whipping bench, welts layered over his butt.

"Taylor, baby, it's over. You did great." Christian gently says as he moves around so he can see Taylor. That's when he notices the droplets of water.

Taylor was crying. This worries Christian.

Taylor never cried. _Never._

"Taylor? Baby? Are you ok?" Christian asks, rubbing the top of Taylor's arm.

Sorrowful, red rimmed eyes slowly blink up at Christian. "I'm ok." Taylor croaks, turning his head and smearing his tears so he didn't have to look at Christian. "Sorry I'm crying. I didn't mean to." He softly admits.

Christian frowns. "Tay." He uses his nickname for Taylor, hoping to make Taylor feel better. "Tay, baby, it's ok to cry. It's nothing to be ashamed about. It was meant to hurt. You did so well, baby. I'm so proud of you." Christian says.

Taylor feels Christian's now-gentle, large hand brush against his back. Christian was being nice tonight. He called him baby and rubbed his back. _Was it because he felt guilty for making him cry?_

Christian crouches down in front of him, gently thumbing away few of Taylor's tears. He was becoming increasingly more worried. This wasn't his Taylor. His Taylor was always strong and smiley. _What happened?_

"Tay, did I go too hard? Please tell me if I did, and I won't do it again." Christian begs. Taylor wasn't even talking to him, it was like he wasn't there.

Taylor looks at Christian, eyes gray and concerned, before softly smiling. "You didn't go too hard." He answers, even though that was lie.

Christian furrows his eyebrows. Something was wrong; he can feel it. Christian gently takes Taylor's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

"Ok, baby, I'm going to go get you some cream, and I'll be right back, ok? Maybe we can watch a movie or something, yeah?" Christian asks.

Taylor's eyes widen. His master wanted to watch a movie?

Christian never watched movies with him.

Christian hurries out the door, taking the steps two at a time, before tip-toeing into Jessica's room and grabbing the arnica cream and hurrying back out again.

Taylor's in the exact, same position he left him, still bent over, and Christian gently applies a layer of arnica cream over the abused area, silently cringing when he sees Taylor flinch.

Fuck, he really messed up.

Christian pulls Taylor up, and his heart scrunches up and practically dies on the spot when he hears Taylor sniff.

"Ok, baby, let's go watch a movie, yeah? What do you want to watch, huh?" Christian asks, gently leading Taylor to the couch and wrapping a blanket around him.

"Doesn't matter." Taylor mutters.

 _Nothing mattered anymore._

Christian frowns, and gently, very _gently_ tugs Taylor towards him. Taylor was hurting, and he somehow neglected him.

He needed to fix this.

On TV, Game of Thrones, is playing, and Taylor leans his head against Christian who tightens his hold and presses a kiss to Taylor's hair.

Taylor realizes that he was getting the aftercare he always wanted. Christian was taking care of him and they were snuggling on the couch watching TV. Christian was actually spending time with him. Christian was spending time with him and not fucking him.

And although Taylor was still hurting, having Christian's arms around him made the pain worth it.

For the first time, Taylor felt like the first choice.

The whole time, Christian couldn't focus on the TV, and if he wasn't looking at the screen every five minutes, he was checking to see if Taylor was breathing.

Christian tries to suppress his nagging subconscious. _You're such a shitty Dom. Did you, even once, consider Taylor's feelings? Just because he never asked for aftercare doesn't mean he doesn't need it. Just because he never vocalized his feelings doesn't mean he's an emotionless bastard like you. Sixteen strokes? Really? What were you thinking? Did you really have to make him cry, which he never does, to make you happy?_

Christian lets out a huge sigh as he presses another kiss to Taylor's forehead. He has always assumed Taylor didn't want aftercare, assumed Taylor didn't need the comfort, assumed Taylor only wanted kinky sex and nothing else. He thought Taylor viewed him as nothing more than his boss, and his master, no strings attached. He didn't know Taylor had been hurting.

Christian thinks back to Elena, how he longed for a hug after a hard caning, and the familiar stab of guilt pinches him. That's how he's been treating Taylor.

For the longest time, Christian has been trying to deny his sexuality. He wanted to be straight and date girls. He couldn't let anybody think otherwise. What would the world say? What would his employees think? What would happen to GEH?

All of his hard work could become ground zero if he came out.

Christian couldn't risk that.

So, he put on façade; he pretended that he was straight and convinced himself that, at the very least, he was bisexual, and that he was still interested in woman. _If he had submissives, then surely, he wasn't gay, right?_

For an entire year, this worked perfectly fine. It worked until Taylor entered his life.

The minute Christian laid eyes on Taylor, Christian knew he had to have him.

However, even with Taylor in his life, Christian persuaded himself that Taylor wasn't interested him. He convinced himself that Taylor merely wanted a "friends with benefits" type of relationship, and in the process of trying to distance himself from Taylor, Christian treated Taylor like shit.

He felt horrible.

That night, Christian kissed Taylor before he went to bed. The kiss wasn't harsh or demanding. Instead, it was gentle and comforting. Almost reassuring.

Reassuring of what?

XXXXXXXXXX

Taylor watches Christian. He's sitting at the breakfast table, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and he's reading a newspaper, coffee cup in hand.

Taylor thinks about going to say hi. He thinks about telling him that his backside wasn't as sore as he imagined, although that was a lie. He thinks about going up and giving him a morning kiss.

Just when Taylor musters up enough courage and steps foot in the kitchen. Jessica comes skipping down. She's dressed in only Christian's dress shirt and she smiles a little, embarrassing smile at Taylor.

Taylor didn't hate Jessica. No, she was a sweet girl and she knew nothing about Christian and Taylor's relationship. Taylor was jealous of Jessica.

He was jealous of Jessica as he watches her give Christian a morning kiss and the way Christian grins. He was jealous of Jessica as Christian pulls her onto his lap and tickles her. He was jealous of Jessica as she snuggles against Christian and he gives her a sip of his coffee.

He was jealous of Jessica because she was his first choice.

Taylor was the second choice.

He was the one waiting on the sideline.

From the corner of his eyes, Christian catches Taylor's hurt look and looks down at Jessica, and then at Taylor again.

Christian knew. He knew how unfair this was to Taylor, and for that matter, Jessica. He should be devoted, monogamous to only one person, but he couldn't. He needed to cling to that little shred of hope in order to convince himself that he wasn't gay, and with Jessica in his arms, Christian could more easily lie to himself. He could say that he was still straight. He was still with a woman.

However, looking at Taylor, so hurt and small, made Christian's heart ache. Taylor was always a big, tough guy. He sported a buzz cut, and his eyes were a dark brown, almost black. Taylor usually kept to himself, and he never showed any emotion. He graciously accepted Christian's contract and over the past year, took every one of his punishments, never complaining. He asked for nothing, even if he knew he could ask Christian for anything.

Christian gives Taylor a small, tired smile. "I'm sorry." He mouths, referring to Jessica.

Taylor shrugs. It was ok.

 _It was always ok._

XXXXXXXXXX

Taylor was in his room, sitting on the couch, and Gail was talking to him. Taylor liked Gail, not a romantic type of like, but Gail was his friend and she was always warm and grandmotherly.

If he wasn't gay, Taylor thinks Gail and him could make a pretty good match.

"How are you?" Gail asks, squeezing Taylor's knee and gazing at him with benevolent, hazel eyes. Gail knew about Taylor and Christian's relationship, and she didn't approve. No, not because they were gay, that didn't bother her at all. What bothered her was the way Christian treated Taylor. Only to Gail, will Taylor seldom open his heart and tell her how he wished Christian cared about him.

Gail wanted to smack Christian. She knew Christian cared about Taylor. He too, often told her about Taylor. How he liked Taylor's eyes, how Taylor had his mother's name tattooed on the small of his back, how Taylor liked the show Game of Thrones. Gail knew Christian cared about Taylor, but he never showed it.

 _Sometimes, guys are idiots._

A knock sounds on Taylor's door, and Gail recognizes her cue to leave before quietly scurrying out the door as Christian enters.

Christian sees Taylor and gently smiles. He had something special planned. He was going to show Taylor how much he meant to him. He was going to be gentle, and sweet, and loving, everything a boyfriend should be. Last night was a wake up call to Christian. Last night, he realized how wrong he's been treating Taylor.

He was going to make it up to him.

Tonight wasn't going to be about pain. Tonight was about pleasure.

"Taylor, baby? Can you meet me in my playroom in five minutes?" Christian asks, making sure his voice was gentle and kind.

Taylor glances up, and his heart constricts. No, he can't do this. He can't continue to let Christian hurt and beat him. He needed to protect himself and safeguard his own heart.

"Red." He whispers, bowing his head.

The room is silence, the only sound Taylor can hear is his own heart thumping.

 _Thump…thump…thump…_

Christian blinks slowly, as if someone has slapped him. The irony was bitter.

"Tay?" He tentatively asks, stepping towards Taylor. Christian was afraid, he was afraid to move, to breath. He was afraid that any sudden movement might make Taylor bolt.

"Red." Taylor whispers again as Christian places two fingers under his chin and tilts his head up.

Christian feels hot tears sting his eyes and he furiously blinks several times. _What has he done? Was Taylor afraid of him? Has it gotten to that point?_

There are tears in Taylor's eyes as well. "Sorry Master, I can't." Taylor croaks hoarsely, his hand slightly shaking as he feels Christian's thumb gently brush along his cheek bone, collecting the moisture from his eyes.

Christian doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to do to make Taylor feel better. He doesn't know how to express his emotions and tell Taylor everything was alright.

So, he does the only thing he can think of.

"Do you want a beer?" he asks.

XXXXXXXXXX

Taylor's head hurts. _Badly._ He tries opening his eyes, but even that, he can't manage. His head is pounding and he can feel the blood pulsing through his brain. Last night memories come tumbling out like a tsunami trying to consume him.

" _You don't care about me! You just care about your precious submissives!"_

" _What are you talking about? Taylor, baby, I care about you. You know I do!"_

" _Yeah? Really? Then why do you always leave me? Huh? You leave me for your submissives….but that's ok. I don't care about you either."_

" _Taylor, you know that's not true."_

" _But it is. Isn't it? I was always your second choice…everybody comes before me…I'm just like your slave…I'm not even as worthy as your fuck toy. It's ok though, it's always ok. You can kick me to the curb…I know you will… you can throw me away…Tell me, can any of your submissives bring you pleasure like I do? Who do you always come running to? Me!...This is what happens…you get sick of them and you come running to ME!"_

" _Taylor! That's enough! You can't drink anymore!"_

" _See? You're always telling me…what to do… We both know you're gay, but do you acknowledge that? No! You're too cowardly and worry too much about society taboos. I know you're worried about GEH! But guess what?! I am too! Do you think I would allow GEH to burn to the ground? Huh? Did you not know that I would destroy anyone who tried to mess with you? Huh? Do you know that? Do you?!"_

Taylor groans as he rolls over. There was too much yelling and screaming going on. _Why was everything so loud? How much did he drink?_

Taylor tries sitting up but a large hand presses down on his shoulders. "Shhh, just rest for a while."

The voice belonged to Christian.

Taylor stifles another groan when he thinks of Christian. He doesn't even want to imagine his punishment.

After a few more minutes, Taylor finally opens his eyes, and Christian was bent over him, concern etched on his face.

Christian gives him a soft smile before handing him a tall glass of water and two Advil. "Here, take these, you'll feel better."

Taylor accepts the medicine and water with a small, grateful smile. "Thank you sir, I'll go get ready for my punishment."

Christian furrows his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

A puzzled look flashes across Taylor's face. "Aren't you going to punish me, sir?" he asks, confused.

Christian twists his mouth into a little frown as he purses his lips. "No, Taylor. I'm not. Why do you think I'm going to punish you?"

Taylor looks down. "Well, I said some things last night…"

Christian softens. "Taylor, babe, I'm not going to punish you for being honest, ok? You didn't say anything wrong."

"Yeah…but…" Taylor trails off, but before he could finish, Christian stands up and wraps him in a hug.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know I made you feel that way. I didn't know you felt like that you were second and not important to me. I know I don't act like it, but baby, you're so important to me. I just wished I knew sooner so I didn't leave you feeling like this." Christian mumbles into Taylor's shirt.

Christian pulls Taylor towards him and gently rubs small circles on his back.

Last night, Christian's heart almost broke. Not figuratively, but literally, he felt it rip and shatter in two. The way Taylor broke down destroyed him. If he had known, he wouldn't have ever hit Taylor in the first place. If he had known, he would've wrapped Taylor in his arms and rocked him to sleep. If he had known, he would've done anything.

Christian could no longer lie to himself. He loved Taylor. It was as simple as that. He loved Taylor and although their love was a special kind, although society might not see their love as normal, he loved Taylor, and he was tired of denying this piece of truth. He loved Taylor, and that was that.

Last night, after Taylor spilled his feelings and wore his heart out on his sleeve, Christian gently carried him to bed and tucked him in. He stayed with him for an entire night and, while Taylor was asleep, sang him a song and rubbed his arm.

Taylor whimpered in his sleep. Christian never knew. He can only assume it was from nightmares. Taylor's nightmares were different from Christian's. Christian usually thrashed and kicked and screamed, but Taylor's were just soft, small whimpers, as if a hurt, little puppy. _And if it was the last thing he did, Christian would make sure Taylor never had another nightmare, or at the very least, he wanted Taylor to know, from now on, he will be there to catch each and every one of Taylor's bad dream..._

Christian tightens his hold on Taylor. "Do you forgive me?" He whispers, scared to hear the answer.

Taylor's lips involuntarily twitch up. Christian was so adorable with his wide, gray eyes and messy copper hair. Gingerly, Taylor reaches up and runs his hand down the side of Christian's face. "You know I could never say no to you." He whispers back as Christian grins, hugging him even tighter if such a thing were possible.

"I swear. I'm going to make everything up to you." Christian mumbles again as Taylor softly smiles.

Perhaps, Christian did love him.

Taylor's watch beeps, signaling it was 9 in the morning and his eyes shoot opens.

"What is it?" Christian asks, eyes wide and mirroring Taylor's.

"Jessica." Taylor breaths. "It's Monday morning. I was suppose to take her home." Taylor says but becomes confused when Christian chuckles, the deep sound reverberating through his lungs.

"Taylor." Christian says, pulling Taylor towards him and smiling a wide, I-love-you smile. "Taylor, Jessica's not here." Christian explains. "I already took her home, and today, I'm making a public announcement about my relationship with you."

Taylor's eyes widen. _Could he mean..._

Christian smiles another bedazzling smile as his eyes crease and sparkle in the morning sun. "Yes babe, I'm coming out."

 **Epilogue**

"Daddy!" Sophie screams as she jumps into Christian's arms, causing him to drop his brief case as he catches her.

"Hi, darling girl, I missed you." Christian says, planting a kiss on Sophie's forehead as she beams from face to face.

"Daddy, guess what Papa got me today?" She cheers as Christian slants an eyebrow at Taylor who's smirking in the corner.

"What did Papa do?" Christian asks, deciding to amuse both his daughter and Taylor.

"Papa let me eat a whole a chocolate bar." Sophie exclaims as Christian shoots Taylor a disapproving look. Taylor only shrugs and laughs.

"And how are you going to eat dinner with a whole chocolate bar in your tummy?" Christian asks Sophie, rubbing her belly button as she giggles.

"Don't worry, Daddy, I have lots of room in here." Sophie declares, patting her stomach and Christian can't help but laugh.

"Ok, sweetie." He says, setting her down. "I'm going to go say hi to Papa now, ok?"

Taylor's smirk widens when Christian saunters over and pulls him into a deep and harsh kiss. "What am I going to do with you?" He playfully growls in Taylor's ear once Sophie's out of ear shot.

Taylor grins against Christian's lips. "I don't know, whatever sir pleases." He whispers as Christian hardens.

"Later." He murmurs.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, when Christian comes home, he immediately notices something's wrong. Sophie's nowhere to be seen and Taylor comes rushing down the step, looking quite worried himself.

"What happened Taylor?" Christian immediately demands.

"Sophie's been made fun at school."

"Why?" Christian asks, confused, and Taylor gives him a look.

"Oh." Christian mutters, suddenly understanding and hurrying up the stairs with Taylor.

He gently knocks on Sophie's pink princess door before pushing it open, and his heart breaks when he sees their little baby girl curled up on her bed, crying. Big, crocodile tears roll down her cheeks.

"Hi, baby." He says, sitting down on the bed and rubbing Sophie's back. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asks softly.

Sophie sniffs as she rubs her eyes and Taylor gets her a tissue. "Kids at school says I'm bad." She cries, her little shoulders shaking.

Christian tugs her onto his lap, pressing multiple kisses along her hairline. "Baby, you're not bad. Why would they say that?" He asks despite already knowing the answer.

Sophie sniffs again. "Because…because I have a Daddy and Papa instead of a Daddy and a Mommy." She wails, almost in hysterics.

"I…I…I…don't want a mommy…I love you and Papa…why…why is not…having a mommy wrong…?" She hiccups between sobs and Taylor comes to sit next to her, sandwiching her between Christian and him.

"Sophie, baby." He starts tracing soothing circles on her back. "Sometimes people are mean to other people because they're different, but honey, it's ok to be different. It's ok to love who you want to love and be who you want to be." Taylor comforts.

Christian nods in agreement. "Yes baby, Papa's right. Do you think it's wrong for Papa to love Daddy, and Daddy to love Papa?" He asks his daughter as Sophie adamantly shakes her head, causing both Christian and Taylor to grin.

"You see." Christian continues. "I had a hard time accepting that I loved your Papa, and for a while, we were both unhappy, but later I realized, you can't let other people influence you. If you don't think it's wrong, and we're not hurting anybody by being who we are, then there's nothing bad about that, ok?"

Sophie nods. She thinks she was beginning to understand.

Taylor helps her crawl under the covers and tucks her in before kissing her forehead. "Sleep, baby. Daddy and I both love you tons and tons, alright?"

In the darkening room, Sophie gives an incoherent, little nod as she drifts to sleep.

Looking at his daughter and Taylor sitting beside her, Christian realized how lucky he was. The past eight years certainly haven't been easy, but it was worth it. When he first came out, GEH did encounter a bit of hardship and lost several of its companies, but in the end, with Taylor's help, it only became stronger. And they also adopted a baby who they named Sophie. Sophie was both Christian and Taylor's pride and treasure, and Christian knew, there was nothing they wouldn't do for each other or her.

Christian smiles at Taylor, thinking of how he almost lost the best thing that happened to him, before pulling him into a sweet and tender kiss.


	12. Entry 11

.

 **World's Best Daddy**

 _ **Christian/Anastasia  
Forbidden Love: Society Doesn't Approve**_

* * *

 **CPOV**

I chuckle to myself as I close the door leaving Teddy's room. That boy cracks me up. At almost eight years old, I no longer read him a bedtime story and tuck him in like I still do most nights with Phoebe. These days, it is homework, dinner, and a shower to wash all the grime, sweat and dirt from baseball practice off and no electronics during the week.

Once he's clean, he just throws on a pair of pajama pants to be just like Dad and we have "guy time". While there are no more footie pjs with airplanes or racecars, I usually still have to remind him to brush his teeth and towel dry his unruly copper curls a little better before we can snuggle for our nightly routine.

Tonight was no exception. With the overhead ceiling fan light off and only his end table baseball glove shape lamp giving a warm glow to his "big boy" room.

His room is now all things Seattle pro-sports themed that Ana and I remodeled the summer before he started Kindergarten. The space has an orderly serene peace from Ana's homemade touches mixed in with designer accent pieces enhance the deep green and royal electric blue room.

I was once again amazed that I am cuddling another person and he can freely lay his head and hand on my naked chest. He is such a tender, loving and sweet boy. His temperament is more like his mother's than mine but his competitive spirit and desire to win at everything he participates in; those characteristics seem to stem from me.

As we lay in his bed this evening in semi darkness, he's retelling me how his coach said he saw improvement from the extra time we spent in the meadow practicing his swing and catching pop up fly balls last weekend. "Dad, promise me we will spend a few hours this Saturday working on my batting. I want to get better so I can be like Ken Griffey." I chuckle knowing that my father in law and my dad must have been telling him stories of the Mariner's leading hitter at last Sunday's family dinner.

"Of course, Teddy, I will always make time for my best guy." I tell him. Shyly smiling, he proceeds to tell me that the coach pulled him aside at the end of practice to thank him for helping another teammate, little Eliza, hold the bat correctly. I know it isn't easy for her, being the only girl on a majority boys' baseball team, but her mother was an All-star varsity player in college, so she is determined.

Teddy continues to tell me all that happened at the field today. That most of the other boys either ignore her because they think she has cooties or they are teasing her by pulling on her pigtails. He says he just doesn't understand, because she's terrific hitter when she holds the bat correctly and one of the fastest kids on the team.

He became so serious as he expressed his concerns that boys will treat his sister that way if she decides to play a team sport. I have such a surge of pride and love for this child that at times it is just overwhelming. As I rub gentle circles on his bare back and kiss the top of his head I am so acutely aware that all too soon he will be a preteen and with hormones surging making it impossible for him to no longer see everyone as just a " _kid_ ".

Smiling, I fill him in on a few of the social cues of boys and their behavior when around the fairer sex. Thinking back to my own childhood, sadly, I always had to stay on the outside watching the other kids because I was so scarred and overwhelmed of the burning sensation I would feel if someone touched my body, even if it was accidentally.

He is so excited when I remind him he is just like his Uncle Elliot, _the big brother_. And it was Uncle Elliot who protected me from other kids on the playground and he has a responsibility to try and protect his sister.

Even though he is still a child, in addition to his school work it is his very important "job". Making him understand that I know how significant the task is because I was so consumed with his Aunt Mia's safety and happiness.

We have a good - eye tearing - belly laugh over a story I share, from the period of time when I was just about his age and Aunt Mia was just a toddler. Still in diapers, she was always taking off all her clothes streaking through the house in the nude.

Elliot, being 10 at the time nicknamed her, "Naked Baby! Naked Baby!" He would egg her on chanting and clapping just like Eddie Murphy's character Mama Klump in The Nutty Professor who would sing-song, "Hercules! Hercules!"

I told him that Grandma Grace had tried everything and when it all else failed; she would put Mia's diapers on backwards so she couldn't open the tabs. His namesake, Great Granddad Theo had teased at the time, that he hoped Mia grew out of the stage before she was full on potty trained or we would really have a little girl "naked as a jay bird" running around the neighborhood.

I recalled to Teddy, while the grown-ups were concerned at her state of undress, I was so worried that she would get sunburn or step in an ant hill. I always wanted to protect her and keep her safe. I explained that I was determined to figure out a solution.

Daily sunscreen was an easy fix, but what if she stepped on something and could easily get hurt. So I asked my mom, did she think of the idea of getting ruby red shoes just like Dorothy's in the Wizard of Oz, would entice Mia to keep her shoes on, since it was Aunt Mia's favorite movie that summer? And it worked!

Only it worked a little too well, Mia had to have ruby red slippers, sandals, sneakers and even rain boots. I think I may have solved one problem only to give the spark to Mia's fashion obsession creating a future problem for my folk's bank account.

I cherish these evenings together. They help to reinforce what Ana, my parents and even Dr. Flynn always say, that I did have a typical childhood once I was adopted. That at the Grey's house of my youth we had laughter, teasing and gratefully, I can now recognize, a home filled with love. I'll have to remember to tell Ana that story. She always enjoys and is warm-heartedly amused when she hears any happy tale from my younger days.

With Phoebe being only five, and having an earlier bedtime, I am usually able to spend our special father/daughter time while Teddy is finishing up his homework and showering. However, the 3 o'clock meeting with the City of Seattle's Planning and Zoning Director on a new parcel of land GEH recently acquired should have finished with plenty of time for Taylor to get us back to the house for family dinner time only that isn't how it all worked out this evening.

At 5:30 pm it was decided that they would call in for deli sandwiches because it was getting late, but we were so close finalizing the details on a multimillion dollar project. Postponing the negotiations between the City engineers and GEH's architects would have negative ramifications not to mention add a few hundred thousand dollars to our bottom line. Elliot and his company have already secured much of the workforce and materials that this project needs. So while I am disappointed that I missed my princess' routine, I know that I can make it up to her with some special Dad/Princess time. I'm positive that Ana stepped in and made sure my presence wasn't too sorely missed.

As I descend the staircase back to the main floor, looking out the wall to wall French doors, Ana so smartly chose, as the late spring sun is finally setting over the Sound, casting the most gorgeous hues of golden orange, vivid pinks and darkened purples over our vast living room. I smile to myself that my Ana has given me the most wonderful enriched life. How can it be that only a few short years ago, I was content in the monotony of the dreary, dull gray personal time that I called living?

When in town, working at the office most evenings until nearly midnight; avoided spending time with my parents and siblings unless I was guilted into a Sunday family dinner; only occasionally attending business dinners or charity galas, staying only long enough to listen to the key note speaker before politely saying my good byes. Looking back, the weekends were interchangeable locked away in my ivory tower with vetted experienced women who were more interested in what I could do for them then for me, the man.

Making it to the bottom step, shaking off my melancholy, instead of heading to the kitchen to open a bottle of Sancerre, I decide to take a quick peek into the playroom. Once again I find myself smirking at the drastic change the meaning of the word has in my world these days.

Rounding the corridor, I come upon the large open space full of primary colors such a contrast to Escala's deep rich red playroom. This room was created to enrich creative play. Fitted with wall to wall carpet made up of various games designed within its threads, woven to make everything from hopscotch to tic tac toe to miniature mock towns perfect for matchbox cars and young imaginations.

Stretched out sound asleep on the denim covered sectional couch that flanks around two walls is my sweet girl. She looks so enchanting with her messy mahogany hair swirling around her porcelain face, only the slightest of a v between her brows marring her delicate features. Evidence of a jam packed whirlwind of a day which is now the custom of modern life in America.

Glancing over her petite body, I see that she is still in her weekday attire, a white Peter Pan collared button down shirt haphazardly and barely still tucked into her heather gray knee length pleaded skirt. Her bare legs and feet are only covered by the watermelon pink glitter polish on her cute ten little toes.

Striding over to her sleeping form, I gently brush the hair that has fallen across her cheek to tuck it behind her ear. Reaching down I gently scoop her up with one arm sliding under her knees and the other cradling her body to my torso.

Shifting ever so carefully as to not jar her awake I head out of the room to carry her off to bed. She opens her cornflower blue eyes ever so slightly, smiling sleepily before uttering "Daddy." letting out a gentle sigh and closing her eyes again.

"That's right, Sweetheart, Daddy has you. Let's get you upstairs and tucked into bed. I know you had such a busy day."

I carry her upstairs through the bedroom into the en-suite bathroom not turning on the harsh overhead lights but opting for the under cabinet lighting. The room is further illuminated with the twilight of the evening sky kissing the day goodnight. Just enough moonlight coming through the picture window behind the bathtub to set a warm glow to the room.

Lowering my right shoulder to gently set her feet on the ground, I hold her up as she finds her footing and wiggles her toes in the plush rug. In a soft voice to rouse her from her sleepy state, I say, "Come on Sweetheart, be a good girl and go tinkle while Daddy goes and gets your jammies." Making sure she's awake enough to stand on her own, I slowly slip my arm away from the center of her back, placing a feathery kiss on her temple.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes she looks up at me and says, "OK, Daddy, but please don't pick out a scratchy one."

I chuckle as I approach her dresser drawers and open the second one down letting my fingertips skim through her wonderful textures of the folded piles of nightgowns feeling the different materials in my hand until I come across one of my favorites, a simple light gray and white cotton plain sleeveless baby doll length nightie with a sweet delicate lined bodice made of the softest of lace with scalloped edges and a satin bow with foot long ribbons sewn on the front.

My girl likes the feel of softness against her skin but not around her legs. In ankle length nightgowns she said she feels like she's being tied up by a pit of snakes twisting and confining her legs, which was proceeded by a few nightmares until we made the correlation. So needless to say, all of those were removed and donated and now I only pick out sleepwear that falls just below her tushie and never past her mid-thigh.

Crossing the room to check on her in the bathroom, I get a real good look at the rat's nest that has become of her hair in just the short unscheduled 40 minute nap she had on the couch after dinner. She must have been fitful in her sleep for it to be in such a state. This is a problem that I can solve. My night just got a whole lot better.

Standing behind her while she washes her hands, I grab the hand towel off the counter to gently pat dry her hands.

"Sweetheart, why don't I give you a quick bath, we'll use some of the _no more tangles_ conditioner in your hair so it won't hurt to brush it tomorrow morning?"

She folded her arms across her body, looked up at me and said, "No, Daddy, I don't want too!" knitting her brows together and sticking her bottom lip out in a pout.

Raising one eyebrow at her for her outburst, laser focusing my grey eyes to her blue, "Are you allowed to use that tone to talk to Daddy?"

Immediately, recognizing the chastisement in my voice, she looks down at her hands that were now entwined in front of her belly. "No Daddy, I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"That's ok Sweetheart, I know you must be a little tired and cranky after a long day. How about we make a deal, you let me give you a bath, wash and condition your hair, and I'll put bubbles in the tub? What do you think of that idea?"

An instantaneous change in her demeanor, she began bouncing up and down so excited her whole face lighting up with joy. You'd think I had just bought her a pony.

"Deal, Daddy! Pinky swear, pinky swear!" she squealed in delight holding out her little finger on her right hand.

Smiling at her, I held my right pinky to link with hers. "There's my good girl, come on Sweetheart, let's get everything ready for your bath." I bend down to give her a small kiss on her on the top of her head.

Leaning past her I turn on the tap to let the hot water warm up, reach down and twist the bath tub stopper and then grab a few towels and washcloths from the linen closet next to the sink.

Feeling that the hot water is now flowing into the tub, I reach over and open the tap to the cold water so it can mingle and make a lovely warm bath. Adding an ample amount of pink bubbles and for good measure two capfuls of lavender oil to create a soothing aroma that envelops the space around us.

Turning to face my girl, I gently pull the remainder of her shirt out from her skirt and begin unbuttoning from the bottom her blouse. Once again, raising an eyebrow as I softly slip the shirt from her shoulders I ask, "Where is your undergarment?"

Replying cheekily and with a little blush she replies, "I took it off when I came home, along with my shoes. They were both pinching me."

"Ok, Sweetheart, Daddy will rub some cream on before we put you in your jammies, especially if you are telling me that you are tender. It's Daddy's job to take care of you and make sure that you feel good. It's one of my favor parts of being your Daddy."

She looks up at me smiling placing her hands lightly on the side of my pajama pants as I reach to her hip to unhook and unzip her skirt. "Can we use the apple smelling lotion, it's my favorite." She says.

"Of course, it's my favorite too. It makes you smell so yummy, almost good enough to eat. Now stop fidgeting so I can get the rest of your clothes off."

She giggles and says, "But Daddy, it tickles when your hands touch my tummy." Enjoying her giggle, I tease her by purposely tickling her sides, feeling her warm skin under my fingertips as her skirt slips down her legs to pile around her ankles. Stopping so she can catch her breath, I have an ear to ear smile enjoying that my good girl so light and carefree and I helped create those feelings in her.

Seeing that the tub is now almost full, I turn to turn off both handles, and swish my hand in the water to insure that it isn't too hot. It's perfect.

Turning back to her, I reach each side of her panties and bring them down over her hips, thighs, knees and calves, adding a little pressure to insure that as my fingers only graze her legs this time. I don't tickle her but she still has goosebumps appear on her skin, and I know it isn't because she's cold. It seems impossible for a man like me, but my heart skips a beat at the sheer joy that thought evokes.

I tap each of her feet in turn so she'll step out of her panties. Picking up the pile of dirty clothes to make sure she doesn't trip, I place them in the hamper drawer for Mrs. Taylor to deal with tomorrow.

"Alright, Sweetheart, let's hop in " _quick like a bunny_ "." Her eyes sparkle as she takes the three steps from the rug to the tub, hopping. She is just so adorable. I treasure this time with her when she is silly, I know it won't last long.

Now laughing out loud at her playfulness, I reach out to hold her hand as she sits on the edge to swing her legs over into the just above tepid water. Sinking down into bubbles that reach up to her armpits, she stretches her legs out in front of her making a little splash. I indiscreetly have to adjust myself in my pants. My girl takes notice and just as quickly she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, she releases it as a light pink blush dusts her cheeks and neck.

While she gets comfortable and is enjoying the spacious tub, I take two of the towels and fold them to rest my knees on while I bathe her. Knelling down to be close to my girl, I look into the tub and she is floating with only her face visible above the bubbles. I'm glad that she has dipped her gorgeous locks under the water, now that she's all wet, I can make quick work of sorting out her tangles.

"Sweetheart, sit up for Daddy, let me get started on getting you cleaned up."

Looking up at me, she screams a little too loudly, "What did you say?" Causing me to laugh, of course she didn't hear me; her ears are under water, so I motion for her to sit up. Moving in a fast swish, my girl sits up and with the suds dripping down her hair, she looks like she's wearing veil. I take in how beautiful, tiny and innocent she looks at this moment in the oversized tub, especially now with her knees appearing above the water surface too. She takes my breath away.

"What did you say, Daddy?" she asks at normal volume as she looks up at me with her big blue eyes.

Not wanting to repeat myself, I simply ask her to spin around so I can wash her hair. As she does so, the water splashes over the side of the tub, drenches my chest and soaks my pajama pants through.

"Whoa, hey there feisty girl, with your enthusiasm, you just got Daddy all wet! You're acting quite naughty tonight." Rising up to take an assessment of the state of my pajamas, I realize it's a lost cause and peel them off my thighs and slip them past my feet tossing them next to the towels.

Glancing back over her shoulder, she giggles, "Maybe. Did it make you mad at me Daddy?"

Rolling my eyes, I stride over to the entrance wall to flip on the switch for the heat lamps and the heated marble floors. Walking back to the now damp towels, kneeling beside the tub, I decide to go with honesty.

"No, not mad, startled. I know you must've had a busy day being such a big girl, and I just wanted to get your hair squared away for you. I thought you were super tired, but now I see that you have gotten a second wind. Daddy is gonna have to think of something for us to burn the extra energy you seem to have."

"Oooh, I can think of something. First, you can let me have a snack, my faaaavorite snack! Then, we can have a dance party! And then, we can play the unicorn and the rosebud! Isn't that the bestest idea in the whole world, Daddy?"

"Yes, Sweetheart, I think those are all things that would help make you sleepy, but now, you made me want to rush through your bath and get to all of the fun we can have this evening. But we can't have that because your hair is still a mess. Plus we still have to put lotion on you and dry your hair so you don't catch a cold." I say with a smirk.

Taking a calming deep breath to try and get back to the task at hand, I put a generous dollop of shampoo in my palm and begin to apply it to the crown of her head. As I massage her scalp, scraping ever so slightly with my fingernails she rolls her head to the side, her eyes flutter closed and her part slightly in what I would call pure ecstasy.

Leaning over the tub, nude, is becoming slightly uncomfortable. Seeing the enjoyment and rapture on the beautiful features of her face has caused my heartrate to accelerate and what feels like all of my blood to rush like a freight train speeding toward my dick.

"Sweetheart", I say just a little too huskily, "keep your eyes closed, I'm going to wash out the shampoo now." Quickly dunking my hands into the tub, I rinse the soap off so I can grab the hand held shower head next to the faucet. Using one of the washcloths, I fold it in thirds and place it over her forehead and eyes. We've done this so many times, that she reaches up and braces the cloth for me so I can have use of both of my hands.

"Thank you for being such a good helper." I say as turn on the spout and once the water is warm enough, rinse away the suds. Placing the shower wand back, I take the washcloth and lay it on the side of the tub to be used again when we wash out her conditioner.

Grabbing the detangling cream rinse, I lift her ends out of the water, starting at the bottom and work my way up from the tips of her tresses to the base of her skull. Finally, twisting her hair into a makeshift bun that I tuck under her shower cap kept next to her soaps on the tub's ledge.

Securing her hair so I may focus my attention on cleaning her petite little body. Picking up another washcloth, I squirt a small amount of rich vanilla body wash into the center, then dipping it into the water so I can create lather. I am trying to accomplish taking care of my girl, but my senses are becoming overwhelmed.

The steam and humidity of the warm water, heat elements in the bathroom mixed with the cool marble against skin, the delicious aroma of the lavender and vanilla combined with a hint of cotton candy scent from the bubbles. Her contented sighs and the feeling of her baby soft skin against my fingertips round out the feeling of wholeness I achieve when I am taking care of my girl, it's a intoxicating mixture.

Keeping the washcloth as a barrier is the only thing helping me hold onto my control at remaining focused at my task at the moment. Rubbing the cloth in small even circles rhythmically across her shoulders and the back of her neck, I work my way below the surface of the water exfoliating and cleaning as I wash her back. I know she is enjoying my touch, she leans slightly forward as I reach the cleft of her bottom.

"Ok, be my good girl and _slowly_ , this time, twist around so Daddy can wash the rest of you."

She looks so much more like herself then she did when I first set her down in the bathroom only moments ago. I know a small part is the cat nap she had earlier. But I know the largest part is from the bath and thankfully my attentiveness is working its magic.

Adding a bit more soap, I motion for her to tilt her chin up so I can scrub under her neck. Working my way with the towel in my small circular pattern down and out from her collarbones toward her delicate shoulders and arms is getting me more worked up. The vulnerability of her being so exposed and trusting me to take the care of her as best as I can is a heady feeling.

Reaching the washcloth around to under her arms without tickling her is always a feat, this time I manage just fine. Dropping the cloth into the water, I reestablish eye contact as I reach over and place some soap directly into my palm.

"Since you mentioned to Daddy that you're a little tender, why don't I wash your chest and belly with my bare hand?"

"Oh, I like that idea, and I think you like it too." She says with a shy smile, all the while she now moves to sit up onto her knees to raise more of her body out of the tub. Chuckling, I look down; it is plainly evident that I am enjoying bathing my girl.

Closing the distance of my hand to her delectable little body, I feel the ever present tingle in the tips of my fingers just like the first time I held her in my arms. Firmly massaging the suds I created all across her chest as her breathing pattern accelerates, "Daddy is making you feel better, Sweetheart?" I say in just above a whisper.

"Yes, I love this, please, Daddy more please."

"More, you want Daddy to rub your pokies?"

Closing her eyes and letting her head fall back essentially thrusting her chest closer to me and the edge of the tub she is just short of whining. "Please, Daddy, use two hands. My pokies hurt. They need you to make them feel better."

Taking my cue from her to fulfil her needs I use my thumb and the side of my middle finger to squeeze her pert nipples to alleviate her ache. Rolling them gently between my fingers causes her to reach out with both hands and grip onto the rim of the tub. The sounds she is making are doing nothing to quell my own ache that is growing heavy in my balls.

She is always so responsive and tonight is no different. I know that in just few moments more, she will be coming, and I burn with desire to feel her come on my fingers. To feel what only I can make her body do at my command is exhilarating. As I slip my hand down her body and under the water, while the other circles around to splay along the small of her back to keep her stabilized. She cries out at the loss of my hand, "Daddy, Noooo!"

"Shhh, Sweetheart, Daddy is going to take care of you and make you feel so good. Daddy always takes care of his good girl. Daddy always knows what his good girl needs. Isn't that what you want me to do?"

Spreading her knees a tad more apart, nodding and gently gyrating her hips forward to try and find purchase against my hand creates waves all across the tub that are trying to crest over the edge. "Pleeease Daddy. Yes, Yes, Yes. Rub my rosebud, please." She is all but whimpering her knuckles have turned white from how hard she has grasped onto the bathtub. I am grateful to the cool marble helping to keep my throbbing cock a few steps away from my point of no return.

Using my thumb I pass through her smooth bare folds to brush back and forth over her rosebud, sliding only my middle finger into her bloom. She is so slick and tight. The angle is fantastic, being in front of her with both of us kneeling is allowing me to gently flick the front walls of her vagina and stimulate her g-spot.

Knowing my girl is right on the edge, I want to take her over the cliff, slipping my ring finger inside her as well to give her that full feeling I know she craves from me and only me. The sense of gratification I feel to bring her such pleasure. Knowing that I am the only man that has ever touched her in this way only heightens my euphoria. She is mine.

Her whole body begins to tremble and she is a sight to behold. The contortion of her full pouty lips into an O, the fluttering of her eyelids, the stillness of her chest as she holds her breath while the clutches of her orgasm grasp at the edges of her body and are all rushing with pinpoint laser accuracy to her groin.

As her panting begins, I feel her muscles contract and vice grip my fingers in place. Continuing my ministrations but now in only tiny movements, I want to prolong her pleasure for as long as possible. Increasing her sensations is almost like second nature from knowing her body so well.

I know that she is tumbling quickly into subspace which always has the desired effect of resetting her and settling her mind. It allows her the freedom to be young and carefree. Momentarily giving her the stillness and peace that she so craves to feel like herself. Reducing our overwhelming, at times, world to just me and my girl in our bubble.

Here in our private space, she is cherished and lovingly cared for. I do my best to try and anticipate her needs which in turn satisfies my deep seeded desire to look after her as my precious jewel, my beloved.

Helping to release her hands from the side of the tub, I stand to gently guide her back to a sitting position in tub. Blinking up at me, she has such sparkle and mischief in her eyes and barely visible smirk at the corner of her lips. A tell that she is plotting something.

"Daddy, you made me hungry, and you promised I could have my favorite snack. Please, can I have it now, Daddy, in case I make a mess with my Popsicle?" she says breathily.

Grinning like the luckiest man in the world. There is nothing I want more in this moment then to satisfy her craving. Hell I'd give away one of my shipyards to make that happen, but her health has to come first. "Sweet girl, all in good time. I don't want you to catch cold, so let comb out the knots and rinse out the conditioner first."

Picking up her wide tooth comb, then leaning over to remove her shower cap and untangle her bun; I begin to work out the knots in small sections. I should have known from the twinkle in her eye that I am dealing with my naughty girl tonight. When I am about three quarters of the way done, she reaches up and clasps her right hand tightly around root of my cock and the fingers of her left hand start to massage my aching balls.

For the second time tonight my girl startled me. I have been using all of my control by keeping focused on the mission at hand. However, the moment her tiny tongue darts out and licks pre-cum from the tip of my penis, I surrender to the immeasurable pleasure that her mouth is giving me. Stilling my hands in her hair, dropping the comb, clenching my ass cheeks, and curling my toes into the plush carpet mat I can't help but look up to the heavens and thank my lucky stars for my miraculous girl.

"Ana, Sweetheart. Please." I cannot even form any more words at this moment. Her hands seem to be everywhere. Her delicate fingers are ever so gently pumping and twisting me while she is using the firm tip of her tongue to flick quickly back and forth over the frenum, the underside of the head of my cock, shooting sparks of lightning down my spine.

Running her tongue up and down the veins that are now bulging on my engorged dick, flattening out her tongue in long strokes like she really is licking a Popsicle. Halting that action and transitioning into trying to suck the life out of me with vacuumed sealed lips just past the corona ridge of the head. I can't stop staring. Watching my dick being suckled like it's her life-source is spellbinding.

I don't know how it's even possible to become harder than I am or feel any greater ecstasy, but my girl knows how to wrap me around her finger, _literally_. Looking up at me, she lets go of the root with her right hand, never breaking the seal on the tip and slides her dainty fingers through my parted legs to reach behind my balls.

Using her knuckle she rubs and pushes on my swollen prostate from the outside. The felling is so powerful; I know I am going to shoot my load like a rocket careening toward outer space.

Clenching my eyes, trying to catch my breath, I freeze, while fisting her hair I bellow, "Annnnnaaa!" Cumming so hard, in three long thick spurts my whole body is shaking from the intensity of the orgasm. I feel as if she has just extracted a bucket full of semen out of my balls, I don't know how she managed to swallow it all. My dick is still twitching even as she gently and with reverence licks every last drop off. My whole body is tingling and electrified.

Gazing down at her with such awe that she is mine. It can be so overpowering. The emotions that only she stirs in me, the unadulterated pure love that she showers me with every day, this unimagined life is all such a potent combination.

Peering up at me she looks at me confused. "What, I told you I was hungry Daddy. It wasn't nice of you to tease me with my favorite treat bobbing right in front of me."

As my world begins to realign itself and cohesive thoughts and ideas are coming back to me, the English language is coming back into my grasp. Chuckling, I reply, "No in hindsight, your right. But boy am I glad I was wrong, Sweetheart. Daddy will try not to tease you anymore, by accident, but I know how you love when Daddy teases you on purpose."

Giggling, "You're right Daddy, I do. I believe you dropped this. Maybe something distracted you." She says handing me the comb. So cheeky tonight. "Ok, you and your smart mouth, let's finish up. Boy, do I love your smart mouth. I believe I owe you a dance and a visit to your garden with _all_ of its delectable rosebuds."

"Mmmm, sounds like my perfect night with my most dreamy, strong, lovable and yummy Daddy."

Leaning into the tub, I cup the back of her head so I can bring her swollen lips to mine. Deepening our kiss, I hope to pour the tremendous gratitude I feel toward everything she brings into my life. We are so perfectly matched.

I can't help the grin on my face as I cautiously take out the remaining knots. Rinsing her hair out and washing away any soap/bubbles that is still on her starting to prune skin, I have her stand so I can, one, drain the tub and two, having her stare at my flaccid dick is starting to stir my desire that is always just below the surface any time I am in close proximity to my girl.

Quickly drying her off, slipping on her gray kitten eared hooded chenille bathrobe and tying her sash so I can keep the chill off of her. Taking one of the damp towels and simply wrapping it around my waist will do the trick; I'm not planning on being covered for very long.

"Just a little more patience, be my good girl and sit by the vanity so I can dry your hair somewhat." Staring at one another through the mirror, locking eyes, I am transfixed on how beautiful she is both inside and out. That she loves a fucked up fifty shades of a man like me seems unreal.

While the hum of the blow dryer echoes off the marble bathroom walls and floors I am transported back to just how we discovered that this Daddy/little girl form of kink that seems to be tailor made for us. We morph it into our lives typically by Ana's initiation.

 _She had recently started back as an Editor and CEO of Grey Publishing after a partial six month maternity leave of the birth of Phoebe. She rarely went into the office during that time after the birth. Instead she had manuscripts, documents and any contract that needed her review and input curried back and forth to the house by her assistant, Hannah. It worked out beautifully._

 _Not only was she able to bond and attend to the demanding schedule of a newborn, she was able to help Teddy transition into his changing world. Those early days and weeks of her being home helped Teddy to begin to develop his new role as a big brother. He was so enthralled by the baby and everything Phoebe did from noises to her quick and jerky movements. He was affectionate and helpful right from the start._

 _My mother had given us wonderful tips that helped to grow their bond. Plus she is responsible for the one tip that unintentionally had eventually led us to discovering D/lg kink. She suggested that by Teddy's second birthday, before Phoebe was born we ought to enroll him in half days of nursery school. So that he could have autonomy, new adventures and experiences that he would be able to share with family members who were inevitably going to be at the house and gushing over the new baby. A routine that he would be use to that he could rely on that would give structure to his universe which was about to undergo the chaos of a newborn in the home._

 _After discussing it at great length, including with Flynn, doing our own research and being just minutes away from one of the best pre-school Academy's in the county that would allow Teddy's CPO to accompany him, I couldn't find a reason to not give it a try. Ana and I both agreed that this is something of a gift that our whole family could benefit from. Of course, she always had Gail and Sawyer close at hand which is the greatest luxury I could ever provide for my wife and family._

 _The list of the benefits seemed to be a mile long. It would become uninterrupted time that Ana and Phoebe could have. And Ana wouldn't have to feel any guilt from Phoebe not having individual attention like Teddy had as a newborn, or the guilt of tending to the baby while Teddy, who had always been the center of our universe, would now have to share our time. She would also be able to spend a little time resting from being up throughout the night nursing a new baby. Help him burn off his toddler energy and most days be so tuckered out he'd take a long afternoon nap allowing Ana to check in with her office. We felt it would also help establish the concept of sharing toys and books with others so once his little sister was mobile and able to reach his things, this behavior wouldn't be such a surprise for him. Mom also expressed more as a pediatrician than that of a grandma that a classroom setting would help to increase his immune system being exposed to other children's germs. Little did she know._

 _Which of course in theory is a great idea until Phoebe was just over seven months old, and Ana was back at work for a few weeks, while the baby was home with Gail. It was the beginning of February with weather that was dreary, raining and freezing. Teddy then Ana got so sick with some virus that eventually left her incapacitated while he bounced right back._

 _Her sinuses were so stuffed up, she had a hacking cough that disturbed her sleep and gave her such pain every time she had a coughing fit. Trying at first to be a trooper, she worked from home but that only ran her body down to dangerous levels when what she really needed was rest. She was still breastfeeding, so she fought me on taking anything stronger than Tylenol and because it wasn't bacterial she wasn't put on antibiotics. The doctor's remedy was rest, lots of fluids and to keep using steam to help elevate some of the symptoms._

 _She had no appetite and after a day and a half of her only drinking tea and a piece of toast, I was beside myself with worry. I had begged her to eat; threated to take her to the hospital, and even went so far as threating to spank her. None of my threats worked. She never has any regard for her own well-being. Her miserable form lying so small in the bed, her big blue eyes so dull rimmed with dark circles. Her red nose chafed against her pale clammy skin. It just broke my heart. I was at my wits end, felling so helpless and out of control._

 _By the second evening, for the sake of my own sanity I was sitting on the edge of the bed with Gail's homemade chicken soup in my hands. I decided to try and hand feed her. Using a soft and soothing tone I begged, "Come on, Sweetheart, please just have a little bit, you need strength and calories if you want to be able get better." Surprisingly somehow using melodic tone as you would for a small child or frighten animal that you were trying to wrangle worked. "That's my good girl." Mmmm, isn't it so yummy?" I could see her eyes light up at my praising her effort. Each spoonful seemed to be a struggle for her, but the encouragement from me seemed to be doing the trick for her to push through and finish the bowl._

 _So for the next five days, I hardly left her side. Hand feeding her, grooming and bathing her in the steam shower. Even helping her pump to keep her comfortable and ensure breastmilk supply for the baby. I had Ros handle any meetings that couldn't be rescheduled and only worked from home on my laptop so I could oversee her recuperation. Only leaving the bedroom in short bursts while she napped to play or read with Teddy and Phoebe. So it was a harrowing week, but mostly because was another first for us. We had lots of support to care for the children and for the most part were able to remain in our bubble._

 _About a week later, I found Ana looking pensively out the window of the library. "Sweetheart, what is it?" Ana turned and looked at me nervously with a faint blush on her cheeks and began to fidget her hands resting in her lap. Now I was intrigued, she only did that when she was embarrassed about something to do with sex. I sit down next to her and pull her onto my lap._

" _I feel like such a freak. I am afraid that you will think I am so perverted." She said just above a whisper looking down._

" _I could never think of you that way. Even after everything you know about me and my past and years of our kinky fuckery all over the world, you have me curious Mrs. Grey. What could it be that has you in such a state?" I said teasingly placing a finger under her chin to lift it so she could see the concern and love in my eyes._

" _Well, it's just so uncomfortable to admit. I am so angry with myself. I've spent the last couple of weeks chastising myself for having such deviant thoughts and feelings."_

" _Listen, we all know that I am the king of all deviant behavior, please Sweetheart, just share it with me and we will figure it out together."_

" _Ok, but promise me if you are revolted we won't ever have to discuss it again." Nodding my head I wait for her to continue. She squares her shoulders, takes a deep breath before closing her eyes and finding the courage to divulge her deep dark secret with me._

" _Since the moment you first held my hand to help me up in your office, the way you make me feel things. It's indescribable. It is practically other worldly." I can't help the sense of pride that swells in my chest as she continues. "Then Teddy was born, seeing you cradling our baby against your chest. Knowing how much of your fears you had overcome in just the span of a year for us was just so sexy. He was so teeny tiny in your strong arms._

 _"Once we brought him home, it became a natural progression of us to start using the pronoun of mommy and daddy when we spoke to each other. I really didn't think much about it. You always turn me on with just a look, or with your words, hell, even just being in the same room as you._

 _"But when I was sick, having you care for me in a way that I surrendered every need, want and thought into your capable hands was so liberating in such an unexpected way. Your attentiveness and cooing words were so soothing to my soul. I felt so cherished and as I started to feel better, I would catch myself counting the minutes until you would feed me again. Or bathe me and massage lotion into my sore muscles or lightly tickle my arm and back while saying the sweetest things about our life while I would drift off to sleep._

 _"I realized I was trying to do what little things I could throughout the day to elevate your worry. Every time you called me "your good girl" I would tingle all over. Of course at first it was just nice because I just didn't have any strength. As my health was improving, I recognized that involuntarily, I was not just getting a warm feeling of being so loved by you, but aroused by it. I've been analyzing this for days."_

 _"Looking up at me with tears threatening to fall from her big blue eyes she says, "I think I want to keep being your "good girl". The TPE of that week allowed me to turn my brain off and not worry about letting everyone down. The stress and pressure from having this unexpected full life at 25 years old can sometimes overwhelm me. I didn't understand that before." Lowering her voice to just above a whisper, she says, "And it seems the perfect remedy is you, Daddy."_

 _Sitting on the plush sofa I begin rubbing small circles against her back and entwine the fingers of my left hand with hers. Our wedding bands chime as they brush up against one another. I am stunned by Ana's confession. I'm not quite sure how to responded. I am filled with such a powerful surge of compassion for the fortitude it must have taken for her to share these thoughts with me._

 _Reaching up with my lips I kiss her temple, then each of her eyes and cheeks and every square inch in between. Pulling her body against my chest, her body collapses on me from I'm guessing the sheer sense of relief she must feel. Continuing my mouth's assault, I finally reach her lips. Using my tongue to trace against her bottom lip silently begging for her to grant me access to her gorgeous mouth. I am now burning inside to pour every bit of love I feel for her into this kiss. I am so desperate to show her that she never has to worry about repulsing me._

 _After a few moments, both of us now panting, we part our lips to catch our breath. There is now the most radiant smile that has appeared on Ana's face. Seeing her like this, flushed, untroubled and slightly aroused is what I live for._

" _Sweetheart, I want to spend my whole life making you feel loved, cherished and safe. I would do anything to give you peace. I have always wanted to give you the world and it makes me feel like I'm 10 feet tall and the luckiest man to have ever lived when all you want is me." I say smiling at her._

" _If in the privacy of our bedroom, we exercise a total power exchange, use baby talk, for lack of a better phrase and change our pronouns it's nobody's business. I have to admit that secretly I was feeling guilty that I was enjoying you being unwell because selfishly I love being able to take care of you. And since we are baring our deepest thoughts, I too was aroused to have your whole body and every need under my control._

 _You are always so independent, which I love too, how you have grown so fantastically into a phenomenal mother, the head of a multimillion dollar grossing business, fair-minded boss, sister and daughter-in-law. This extraordinary life that you have created for us, being the sexiest, most loving, kindest and beautiful wife to mercurial man like me. All while having the added pressure of the constant presence of security, lack of privacy and the press. I am in awe of you and how seamlessly you accomplish it all._

 _I adore everything about you. The life we have created together is more valuable to me than the billions of dollars I have amassed at GHE. All of that could disappear tomorrow and as long as we still had our family, I would still be the luckiest man in the world." I tell her truthfully. "I think we may have stumbled onto what I would call a win-win situation." I say with my famous panty dropping grin._

That was the first of a few thoughtful discussions we had over the next few days. We had agreed to give it a try and it was like we solved the cryptex puzzle in The Da Vinci Code unlocking and finding the secret of how to have an even deeper more intimate satiating sex life for each of us. That was nearly five years ago.

Turning the blow dryer off and resting it on the counter, I gaze into my girl's eyes kissing the top of her head. "Come on Sweetheart, let's put on your favorite playlist. Daddy can't wait to twirl you around in his arms. We have the whole night planned with lots of fun activities for us to do together. Apple lotion and jammies can wait for a bit. Be a good girl and wrap your arms and legs around me like cute little cuddly kitty you are."

Looking up at me with the brightest of smiles as she moves to allow me to lift her, "Oh, Daddy, you are the bestest Daddy in the whole wide world." she says laying her head to nuzzle in the crook of my neck. Smiling to myself as I chuckle remembering, that now I have two reasons to thank the heavens for the flu.

 **The End**


End file.
